Guy Friend confusing me help?

[Thinkpad1]

Guy I am mates with through work, I am finding confusing.

We talk loads on message at work, he tells me lots bout his private life, and tells me his problems etc. He does not open up to a lot of people.

He can be bit flirty but a nice person, he does have a girlfriend. We go gym togeather and spa, just to chat one on one he likes our time, teases me loads, but once in the gym he randomly kinda tried on, took clothes off, I was in shock, he then the next day said moment of weakness but said unsure why did. Then went on night out and he barely spoke to me which did upset me, so I asked him on night why, we mates as upset me, then saying some weird nasty stuff and said I am annoying leave him alone. So I ignored him at work, and he sent me 30 msgs in one day begging me to talk to him again, he was so sorry never meant it, really upset him, I am so confused we have been good friends, and now gone bit weird, as in i am unsure why he deseperate to go spa even, but denies liking me. I need advice on what people think? He has girlfriend and respect that, I just want my friend back, he even said I am his cuddling me.

[Subglacial]

Upfront: I don't have a good answer for you. I've never been in this exact situation, and I don't know what else is going on in your friend's life, so all I can do is guess. I would wait for somebody more experienced to answer before making a move.

Now... Guys and girls can be friends, but it can be a delicate balance. For many guys (not all), there's always a little bit of sexual tension with female friends. One of the benefits of having a mutually attractive friend is the possibility that it might develop into a romantic or sexual relationship. This doesn't mean that friendship is always just an excuse to get close to you, but it's a nice option for guys to keep in their back pocket in case both of you become available in the future.

So why did your friend come onto you when he's obviously not available? I don't know. Maybe he's having trouble in his relationship, or maybe it really was just a "moment of weakness" and not a calculated decision. People get wanderlust, and not just in our intimate relationships. We can have everything we need and still not feel satisfied. When that happens, we can make really poor decisions... Decisions that jeopardize the things we already have. That doesn't make it right, but I think it's something we all understand in some level.

Why did he tell you that you were annoying? I don't know. I've never done that to a friend, but... there are times when I feel like I'm not doing enough for someone, and I feel like it would be easier if they just hated me so that they could move on with their life and be spared the heartbreak.

It sounds like this guy really does value your friendship, and it sounds like he's conflicted with feelings for you. Only he can tell you for sure, though.

What should you do? ... I don't really know. I'd like to think that it can work out somehow, and maybe it can, but it also sounds like he really hurt you, so it would be understandable if you couldn't really see him the same way. You also can't overlook the fact that he betrayed his girlfriend's trust, even if he wasn't intending to.

I think honesty is usually the best policy. He needs to know that he really hurt your feelings, but that you also value his friendship.

[Socialbee28]

Thinkpad, essentially, you want this guy who is NOT the guy you've undergone IVF with.

And you want to hear someone say this guy wants you, you should do xyz to get him, & then get involved sexually. That's what you want. You can spin this question in several ways, but at the end of the day, he turns you on. He is teasing you and it's hot.

What sucks and probably is kept on the low is the fact that BOTH of you have someone at home. You don't want to admit it, but you'd drop your partner if this guy said he was available and ended it with his girlfriend. You know he has you spell bound. Let's be honest.

This is escapism from your reality, my sweet. What you're experiencing is what I describe as reaching the end of your tether. You can't do what you did to survive with your ex anymore. It's dry now, you may even feel trapped. It's ok to acknowledge this if you know it's true. The only bit which you can't avoid is dealing with the significant other person. Let go of your boyfriend. Be honest with yourself.

[Guy13]

None of this makes sense to me.