What is wrong with him?

[DeborahRobinson]

I have a boyfriend who's 7 years older than me. All in all, our relationship is fine, but he often scolds me for the way I dress. I always wear crop tops that show off my midriff, my shoulders and my back. He insists that I should wear something else, but I think I have a right to dress like I want, and also, I don't understand why I would cover the ring in my belly button. When I asked him why he wants me to wear something else, he said "All the guys stare at you, I don't want you to leave me for someone of them", while I never even thought about that. Or he means that if I dressed differently they wouldn't stare?

[IMuser]

The probable reason is that you may attract unwanted attraction (from other guys or maybe from potential criminals)

There are 2 ways to interpret this: either it's for your security (having less attention and blending in is often a good strategy to be safe from possible assaults/robberies etc) OR it is his insecurity that you may catch the attention of someone who is better than him

Your solutions:
1. Carry self defense stuff: safety is always the best policy
2. Realise that his insecurity will never go away (or at least till a few years). The essence of a relationship is communication, if you can't have that, then your relationship is fake. You can either find a middle ground, compromise fully or leave him

As for the common "i am free to do whatever I want", yes you are. But each action has a consequence. Just remember this.

[DeborahRobinson]

Other clothes don't attract criminals?

[IMuser]

No comments on that. My explanation was not regarding to the specific piece of clothing but the underlying intention of the guy. Maybe this dress of yours suits you and makes you much attractive (thus, garnering more attention)

What are you upset about, him hating your dress OR him trying to control your dressing sense?

[DeborahRobinson]

The latter

[bowenw]

He mistakenly believes what you wear is up to him. It could be a sign of a controlling personality that lacks self confidence.

[DeborahRobinson]

Good point

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[DeborahRobinson]

I saw the notification and I chose your answer

[Prettygurl12]

He's going to end up abusing you in the future. Numerous studies have been done which conclude that men who pursue relationships with girls where they're more than 4 years older than her when she is in the high school ages (16, 17, 18, etc.,) will end up abusing her physically, mentally, emotionally, and/or sexually.

The statement "I don't want you to leave me for someone else" used in conjunction with him criticizing something about you is textbook abusive/manipulation.

A 7 year age gap is not concerning when both parties are established adults, but when one party is still a minor? That's a control thing.

[DeborahRobinson]

But I love him, and he loves me too (much)

[WonderBell99]

Are you sure your age is right on here? He is 23 and you’re 16?


Your boyfriend sounds insecure about your relationship. He wants you to dress a bit more modest and not show skin because he’s worried that other guys may stare at you and you’d leave him for a better looking man. At least, that is what I understand from your description. He should trust you and you should trust him.. trust is the foundation of all relationships.

You should dress however you want to as long as it isn’t too revealing/provocative. He shouldn’t have a say in how you dress.

[DeborahRobinson]

1. Yes, my age is right. Does it bother you?
2. Just because I dress the way I do doesn't mean I'm going to leave him for someone else.

[WonderBell99]

- No, it does not bother me.

- I never said you would, I said he may think you might. He is insecure. You should have a talk with him about boundaries.

[DeborahRobinson]

Well he may think what he wants, that's his problem, not mine

[WonderBell99]

Sure.. but communication is an essential part of a relationship. You should make it clear that you do not care what he thinks.. but in a polite way

[DeborahRobinson]

Wearing those outfits is not polite?

[WonderBell99]

No, you can wear whatever you want.

[WonderBell99]

However, if you care about your relationship, you will consider his feelings into account and have a talk with him

[DeborahRobinson]

Thanks

[DeborahRobinson]

I tried to

[WonderBell99]

What happened?

[DeborahRobinson]

What do you mean?

[WonderBell99]

You said you ‘tried’ to talk with him. Did you ask him to respect your boundaries politely?

[DeborahRobinson]

He thinks that it's me who must respect his

[WonderBell99]

That’s a BIG red flag.

[DeborahRobinson]

For whom?

[PrettyPriya]

He’s insecure about the relationship for whatever reason if he is worried about other guys staring. So long as you trust each other, shouldn’t matter.

He also sounds controlling. You are entitled to dress how you want and how you feel comfortable.

[DeborahRobinson]

If they are staring, that's their problems, not mine

[PrettyPriya]

@deborahrobinson exactly!

[DeborahRobinson]

exactly

[one1wild00]

Sounds like he is amazed you are with him and he may not be secure in the stability of the relationship. It's your body and your choice, always has been, and always will be, BUT, for the good of the relationship, you might want to dress with a little less skin showing out in public, then dazzle him in private. sounds like that's what he is hinting at at least.

[DeborahRobinson]

Why should I listen to him?

[one1wild00]

I'm NOT saying change you just because of him, I'd love for a gal I'm with to show what is sounds like you are comfortable showing, BUT if you want the relationship to be solid and are going for long term each will have to put effort into it.
As much as it sounds like you don't see it from what you've said it sounds like he needs you to "NOT" attract so much attention by showing the amount of skin you show where he feels like he needs to take a baseball bat to every guy who has you in visual range.
If you want to be totally yourself you might want to reconsider the who with part.
I'm not sure what you look like but if dressing "your normal "sexy" gives him pause, you may be one of those girls that would blow the top off the 1-10 scale dressed in a grain sack.

[DeborahRobinson]

I dress that way because I feel comfortable

[one1wild00]

I figured you dress the way that you feel most comfortable. - be you all you like, but if you are concerned about the relationship, and if you care for him you might want to think and take into account of his feelings and concerns too.

[DeborahRobinson]

So you mean that if I care for him, I have to wear a hijab?

[one1wild00]

The more both of you "DIG in" on the subject without looking at the root what each of you hold your stance the larger the issue will get until it may tear apart an otherwise great relationship. one or both of you may have to change how you thing or what you do. Key is open and honest communication. Why you want to dress the way you do, and why he feels so "threatened" by it when other guys are around.

[DeborahRobinson]

Maybe because I'm beautiful?

[one1wild00]

Not what I'm saying at all, as much as he might dread it, take hi m an a shopping trip with you. pick out some styles you like, ie open back, midriff baring, tank, T-shirt, what ever. Then say to him, ok, out of these which would you rather I be in (still your choices, but he can show you what he is comfortable with within.) you can skew his thinking by increasing the 'hideousness" of the style with the less amount you like it. you might actually get him to come around to your way of thinking. and style likes.

[DeborahRobinson]

That's my style, and my personality

[one1wild00]

Like I said earlier you may be one of the gals that blow the top off the 1 - 10 scale in the beauty department even wearing an old grain sack. so you can make anything you wear look sexy WITHOUT TRYING

[DeborahRobinson]

Am I trying? I don't think so

[one1wild00]

I was trying to emphasize that you aren't trying to be sexy, just trying to be yourself but you may have the grain sack issue without realizing it and he cares enough he is threatened by other guys. - big thing is try talking with him and trying the you pick out then let him choose from your selection what he'd like to see you in. in public. - this is all the help I can offer with the known elements.

[DeborahRobinson]

If I covered my back, would it change anything?

[one1wild00]

It may, try the take him shopping with you and see how that turns out. show him your selection and let him see what there is to work with that you like.

[one1wild00]

A lot of good relationships are built on trust , openness, communication, and some compromise

[DeborahRobinson]

But he keeps saying I should wear something else

[DeborahRobinson]

I have to change my personality if I want the relationship to last?

[one1wild00]

Don't change the core you, be true to yourself, but tweak it a little as he will probably have to or has had to tweak himself for you.

[DeborahRobinson]

Why would he?

[one1wild00]

You can't tell me there isn't a "flaw' in his personality or style or even the way he does something that you haven't asked him to change? I'm guessing based on talking with you I'm sure you found something you didn't like that he has either changed for you or is in the process of doing better about.

[DeborahRobinson]

Maybe there is a flaw

[one1wild00]

look into it.

[Daniela1982]

@one1wild00 Can't you tell when some fake pink account is trolling you?

[DeborahRobinson]

@Daniela1982 can't you shut up?

[Daniela1982]

Can you stop trolling?

[DeborahRobinson]

@Daniela1982 can you stop dreaming?

[Daniela1982]

Sounds like by your answers to comments, and being an Xper 1, I believe you are just trolling.

[DeborahRobinson]

Believe whatever you want

[ChrisMaster69]

Sound like a good bit of insecurity couples with a need to be controlling.

have words with him and explain you wear what you are happy with.

[DeborahRobinson]

I tried

[ChrisMaster69]

What he say?

[DeborahRobinson]

That he doesn't agree

[itsalyssaagain]

Yeah see it's sexy when a guy gets jealous but also there's nothing wrong with being desired by a lot of men and only wanting one.

[DeborahRobinson]

Desired? That's too much of a word

[itsalyssaagain]

I like it when I’m out and about and I can clearly see a guy lose his composure after checking me out lol. I don't know it’s nice

[DeborahRobinson]

I never wear clothes that cover my midriff, my back or my arms

[itsalyssaagain]

Honestly I don’t judge I feel like women should feel equally empowered whatever they’re comfortable wearing

[DeborahRobinson]

And I'm comfortable wearing crop tops

[itsalyssaagain]

So wear them

[DeborahRobinson]

So I do

[WhitneySnow]

I totally agree with you. He’s being paranoid. You’re it gonna leave him cause you wore a crop top.

[DeborahRobinson]

I always wear them

[WhitneySnow]

You’re good. Don’t let him tell you how to dress.

[whereismyjohnny]

You are 16, and he is 23? 😶

[DeborahRobinson]

Is there anything bad?

[zexar37]

You should cover up for the sake of the God.

[DeborahRobinson]

Why should I?

[DeborahRobinson]

And how does God fit here?

[zexar37]

Because GOD commands you to cover up if you dont believe look at the example of mother Mary.

[DeborahRobinson]

What if I don't?

[zexar37]

You will be sinning until you repent.

[zexar37]

I would suggest you read the Holy Quran the word of God.

[DeborahRobinson]

You are a Muslim? That's a terrible religion

[zexar37]

How can it be terrible if God is the one who sent this religion on to humanity?

[DeborahRobinson]

It's terrible to force me to cover my midriff

[zexar37]

Where did i force you?

[DeborahRobinson]

You said I must cover up

[zexar37]

No i did not

[DeborahRobinson]

Then what did you say?

[zexar37]

i said you should cover up

[DeborahRobinson]

And I said I won't

[zexar37]

And i said its a sin

[DeborahRobinson]

Don't care. I won't cover my midriff

[zexar37]

Thats your decision. free will

[DeborahRobinson]

Thanks for your permission

[jjj101010]

U shouldn’t be shamed for ur choice of clothing

[DeborahRobinson]

I like wearing these