Do you personally know a man who was physically abused by his father and didn't go on to be abusive to his female partner? What are the details?

[LovingLoverReturned]

NOT specifically him alone, I mean along with his other family members... I don't mean he was a scapegoat... I mean he was also abused by his father.

[NathanDavis]

yes, personally... I know three of them

guys that were in high-school with me, and a neighbor... and all three of them had very similar stories... the typical drunk/alcoholic father that would show up and get violent against the mother, and as soon as the younger brother became older and bigger enough to put up with a confrontation, they started to get involved and became targets of the abuse to sort of protect the mother

in all three cases, the drunk was kicked out of the house (one actually died from alcohol poisoning shortly after) so they assumed some sort of role of "man of the house" and they all had smaller siblings to watch out for

and I happen to still know about the three of them and their families and they are nothing like it, it's like it never happened to them in the first place

but I also have to mention of the one case I know, in which this guy had an abusive parent (also a drunk) and then he went on to do the same with a couple of girlfriends, thing is... girlfriends would not last long around him, and as far as I know, today... he's not married or anything and he's not doing that well either, on his own, there's a chance that he was abused in more severe ways though, I just don't know enough about that

[LovingLoverReturned]

Thanks for sharing. Hmmm. I wonder what makes the difference in these men. For sure though it can be controlled, right? Do you think the abusers are more likely to mix drugs/drinks with it?

[NathanDavis]

for what I have seen and heard, yes...

abusive people tend to be violent and impulsive, so they have it very difficult to control themselves, so there would be many things that trigger them, and I have definitely met a few of these characters

the impulsive and violent kind, few of them have tried to get stupid with me, they just know they would not have it easy to get physical with me or confrontational for that matter, but once they are bit drunk... they get a bit more stupid and push it further

and I've seen the same and heard the same from abusive people, once they're drunk or in drugs, they just are a lot less or not capable at all to control themselves... when they're drunk they are also upset, furious and careless so they just start beating people around, and at the times they are sober, they are a bit more controlled they will not get physically violent, but they can be very manipulative in psychological ways, which is also a form of abuse

this is according to few talks I had with that high school friend I mentioned before

[HighlyVolatile]

Me me me! I got the stereotype of never hitting a woman (from my father) so I never hit a woman. I'm only abusive to men. I never hit a woman. I might subdue her or something if she's trying to kill me but never seek harm to a woman. I only do for a man (a formidable threat), and not a man in a wheelchair. I treat him like a woman.

[HighlyVolatile]

I think I might sometimes offend feminists with my answer here but it's not that I avoid hitting women because I think they are weak or something. I avoid hitting women because I was taught to avoid hitting women. That's all. I piss off Amanda Nunes and she's likely gonna kill me. But I'm gonna take it to my grave that I don't hit her back because I don't hit a woman. I die being hit left and right by superior opponent. I'm like a hippie when it comes to girls. But I'm barbarian towards guys.

[Andres77]

If I ever visit I'm bringing lots of gin and showing up in my wheelchair.

[HighlyVolatile]

@Andres77 Kanpai!

[Anonymous]

The guy im interested in has watched his mom get abused by all her dudes and i think a few went on to hit him. All i can do is pray he didn't pickup their bad habit. But from other dudes i know in similar situations, they either went on to be rough and tough or beaters themselves. THis specific guy is a bit different because he’s still afraid to standup. Even if he pushes them back, he apologizes out of fear of how far they’d go. I hate hearing that

[LovingLoverReturned]

Hmmm, yeah. I've always been aware that men are more likely to become abusers when they were abused but not always... You can follow this question to see some more opinions...

Yikes, worse yet if he had no previous girlfriend to refer to.

[Opinion Owner]

He had 2 previous girlfriends. The only problem i see with him at the moment is that he's overly clingy but im hoping everything will be okay

[mandyfire98]

I dated a guy who was abused when he was younger and he was one of the best guys I've ever met. He was very sweet. Neither him nor his brother turned out to be abusive.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Sad to say, everyone i know that has been abused, has gone on to cause abuse to someone they claim to care about.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Hmmm, that is very sad. I wonder if therapy helps.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Here's an example for you.
2 very good friends who I grew up with, neither of whom I knew had been mistreated have been in bitter relationships their whole lives. And only recently they told me their dads use to whip them with belts if they did anything wrong.
One of my female friends who also was abused by her dad growing up has found herself attracted to guys who abuse her.. I had to threaten one of them on at least 2 occasions that if he beat her up again I would not be responsible for my actions.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Therapy can only help if they want to be helped.. None of them do. They enjoy the pain and the fighting. It makes them Ya know? I don't know WHAT it makes them, but I just listen to them I don't know how to advise them.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I know of someone. He doesn't see the abusive part of the family anymore and swore not to be like them. You wouldn't know until he told you.

[Anonymous]

Myself and my brother; also my uncle.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Great to hear

[Andres77]

My brother!

[LovingLoverReturned]

Huh, is this a trick answer? Hhaha, It makes me incline to assume you become abusive yourself but that wouldn't match what I know about you.

[LovingLoverReturned]

became

[Andres77]

His dad was a vile and cruel man.
My brother rarely ever spanked his kids and everyone was present snd he always hit his own leg to guage a swat so he made sure it would just sting a bit and not hurt him.
I did the same.
Maybe three times ever.
The anticipation was worse than the swat.
His dad beat him and locked in the basement and kept food away... beat my mom when she tried to defend him.

[Andres77]

None of my siblings were ever abusive.
It's a curse that passed us by.

[Andres77]

And I have not been either.

Although my second wife was. Scary shyt.