Guy ghosted me for not being sexual with me - what should I do?

[Anonymous]

So me and this guy dated for about 7 months before splitting. Afterwards we continued to be friends with benefits, however I wanted to give the relationship another chance and he didn't, so after about two months of on/off talk (we actually only had sex once since we've been friends with benefits due to summer distance) I decided that I only wanted to give sex/sexiness/sexy pics to at least people who have some sort of interest in me - which he does not.

Anyway we had been talking a lot for the past 6-7 days, it was 2 days ago when I first mentioned I didn't want to be sexual with anyone not interested in me and I did not hear from him all of yesterday. We lost our Snapchat streak and he didn't like the picture I posted a picture on Instagram, which I know he saw and ignored because he liked someone's else picture that was posted around the same time.

I'm angry at his selfishness so I really want to unfollow him and remove him as follower on Instagram but maybe that's not the wisest idea. It's just I don't him on my Instagram if he's going to use it as a way to try and manipulate me (especially because he followed me and now he's refusing to show any attention when I'm not sexual with him, when he literally shows attention to everyone else, strangers even). I'm just very pissed rn and need some wise advice. He couldn't even stay friends for me. What should I do and how should I move on from here?

Updates

1 y

Fuck I screwed up the question, it's supposed to say guy ghosted me for not being sexual with him. My bad.

Updates

1 y

I joked about the situation and I don't think he realizes he ghosted me. He tried to make it up to me and then later started making sexual comments again, only this time he flirted a little too. I said I didn't want sex and we talked still after but when I went to reply to yesterdays message, he was rude and then said he "wasn't feeling like himself" for no good reason. So I removed him. I don't have time for this shit. I don't owe anyone free sex 🗣 Thank you for the advice guys

[Nawlins34]

Let's break it down.

"So me and this guy dated for about 7 months before splitting. Afterwards we continued to be friends with benefits, however I wanted to give the relationship another chance and he didn't" - This was hint #1 from him, that he didn't want a relationship with you.

"I decided that I only wanted to give sex/sexiness/sexy pics to at least people who have some sort of interest in me - which he does not." - this is a healthy boundary to set and so far, so good.

" it was 2 days ago when I first mentioned I didn't want to be sexual with anyone not interested in me and I did not hear from him all of yesterday. " - This was hint #2 from him, that he didn't want a relationship with you.

"I'm angry at his selfishness" - I am NO ONE to tell you how to feel and respond but I'm going to say something: I understand if you're hurt, but right now it only make sense for you to be angry if you were BLUFFING, because you already knew he didn't want a relationship.

And if you were bluffing, you're just as manipulative as you claim he is. There's no one or the other; either you both are or not.

You set your boundaries and rather than bullshit you and waste your time, which WOULD be selfish of him, he spoke with his ACTIONS and left you alone.

To HIM, you're not worth a relationship. That hurts on some level and that's fine. But he made his point, if he comes back, it's only for sex.

Actually, if you keep goading him, he'll come back out of spite, not love. He'll probably think, "I tried to tell her but she's not listening so fine, we fucking til she figures it out."

Your time is worth more than that. He at least respects you enough not to waste it.
"He couldn't even stay friends for me." - Because he never valued the friendship with you, he wanted the sex. His ACTIONS say that.

"I'm just very pissed rn and need some wise advice" - Go ahead and block him, he's not going to do it. You do it for your peace. You have to understand that some guys will gladly waste your time and won't end things.

You process your emotions and heal. Don't start dating until you actually healed. You set a very good boundary that will serve you well, commit to it. The guy for you, won't make you feel crazy or gaslight you for setting it, that's call healthy.

You're hurting now, but trust me, you made a move your future version will thank you for.

He may come back and try again. Don't entertain him. He's going through the motions.
How do I know? Because if he really wanted you, he wouldn't have dropped the relationship. When people really want something, they move heaven and earth, you know this.

I hope I helped, you're going to be fine, don't feel bad for standing up for yourself.
Be safe and good luck.

[Asker]

Thanks. I don't really like him like that. The reason why I ended the friends with benefits thing was because of other guys actually. There's a few guys that are interested. I was thinking about one and all the things he has done for me, it would kill me to tell him that I let some other guy fuck for free.

[Nawlins34]

It probably would, he'd drop an album.

[Asker]

Yeah... dang. Make me wish I had never done it in the first place.

[Wonderwhat]

Delete and block him. It's like you said he's trying to manipulate you. He's not worth your time and emotional investment.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your advice

[Wonderwhat]

No problem. Just remember when people ignore you like that they are trying to get you upset. They stay quite to disrespect you and make you feel insecure and that's what they want. Just say to yourself "it's out of my control. Nothing I can do about it" and delete him.

[Asker]

Just did it! Thank you so much again 💗 gave MHO

[Wonderwhat]

I feel bad for the girl he marries.

[Asker]

same, I think he knows he messed up

[dustybiker]

Why are you wasting time with this? Find someone who makes you happy.

[Asker]

Thanks

[Asker]

If you can’t already tell, I’m trying to do that already. Just needed to know how to end this off.

[dustybiker]

Be honest. It’s what will allow you to sleep the best when healing from it all.

[Asker]

I definitely removed him but I'm a little scared for myself going down in the future. How do I make sure I dont go back, do I just stay angry?

[dustybiker]

Not angry, no. You just had clarification on what a jerk is. Remember the warning signs, cut ties immediately and keep searching for happy and healthy. Think you want to come home and feel safe.

[Asker]

That helps, thank you so much

[dustybiker]

You’re welcome. Good luck.

[summiter]

He is just in it for the sex. Unfollow him and block him. It is time to move on. Unless YOU want to have more sex with him? Was the sex any fun with him?

[Asker]

The one time it was good yeah. But like as he grew more selfish I couldn't even get turned on anymore.

[BarryLiverstone]

It sounds like you are very upset. He isn’t giving you attention unless you are being sexual yet there is so much more to life than sex. Can you see what he’s doing on ig with other people?

[Asker]

Yeah all I see is that he likes a lot of other people's pictures. Feels like he like's everyone's pictures but mine. It almost makes me regret even knowing him. I could have never gotten involved with him, and he would at least be liking my pictures right now, as a stranger. Strangers are getting better treatment/attention than me at this point.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are right. Why is he giving attention to strangers when you and him have been intimate and dated for so long. It must leave you feeling lonely and rejected by him? I’m guessing when you get good feedback after sharing a pic you feel better

[BarryLiverstone]

Why would blocking him from ig be a bad option?

[Asker]

I don't know a lot of guys say blocking is immature if he doesn't bother you. I've angry blocked several times and the past and got disapproval. But I want to block.

[BarryLiverstone]

If you blocked someone then how did you get disapproval?

[Asker]

By he doesn't bother I mean he doesn't message/won't message or anything. But yeah, I definitely think he deserves a block.

[BarryLiverstone]

Hmmm. If he has stopped all activity then maybe something else is happening. Go ahead and follow me here so you can give me more of the story of you and him dating so I can help with advice

[BarryLiverstone]

But I wouldn’t block him yet yk

[Asker]

I think it's because he might think I'm a tease or something. I don't know. But he should remember no one owes him anything. But yeah I might message a bit later. He has a tendency of staying mad for ahwile so it would be awhile before he even came out of anger and realized he's wrong. So maybe its not worth it at this point.

[Curmudgeon]

Can you NOT understand that that he is liking other ladies pictures for the obvious reason: that he is looking for another source of said physical affection, which you turned off just like it was a flowing tap? "Strangers are getting better treatment/attention than me at this point." Precisely because he is looking for a new intimate partner! After all, you are not that intimate partner anymore. Is that REALLY hard to understand?

[Wise4myage]

Move on to better things and leave him in the dust.

[Asker]

Yeah you're right. So should I unfollow/block/leave him there? I'm not sure what to do anymore.

[Wise4myage]

Yes, block him.

[Fuentes]

Lol if u ain't throwing it whats the reason to talk to you?

[Asker]

Ah Fuentes, my favorite classic black troll. Good one, now fuck off

[Fuentes]

I think you should take your own advice for this question.

[Asker]

And I think you should find something better to do

[Fuentes]

Since we might know eachother ill give you the benefit of the doubt, of just being in your feelings :)

[Asker]

Don't take it personally 🤷🏾‍♀️ you're still my favorite troll. It's just I don't have time. Bye sweetheart.

[Curmudgeon]

@Fuentes is a troll for pointing out the obvious? Again, neither of us is stating you owe it to stick around, but if he was there for the physical affection, and it is pretty clear now that he in fact in large part or even for the most part WAS, it should not surprise you that he starts looking for another source of said physical affection.

[Asker]

@Curmudgeon no he is a troll because I saw his other answers. I joke around with him from time to time even and agreed on some of his other views. He probably knows who I am lmao. Stay in your lane.

[Curmudgeon]

OK, maybe he IS pulling your leg (am I betraying my age with a metaphor like that? So be it). But that doesn't make his reply any less true. Sometimes a troll hits home.

[Asker]

@Curmudgeon well thank you for the perspective. Because of your comment on this opinion in particular, I understand that you're upset about my choices - my even asking this question. You don't have a main argument you're just saying that I shouldn't be mad about the situation because I deserve it. Your answer may not be accepted, but it is received. You can leave now.

[anniisa97]

It’s not me lol

[Asker]

Dang so Fuentes got multiple hoes is what I’m hearing 💀

[anniisa97]

Nope. I had a similar situation with another guy on GAG, except he didn’t stop speaking to me just cuz I stopped being sexual with him

[Fuentes]

Lol so you must be the off the grid chick? But i thought you were married or engaged or whatever