Has he lost interest or am I paranoid?

[Cabo1990]

I’ve been dating someone for a few weeks now, and I like him, but we are taking things slow. Last time we hung out was a week ago. I reached out today to see if he’d want to hang out this week and he said he has a busy work week, but will try. No actual plans have been made. Am I overthinking or did he loose interest in me?

[whiskeyontherocks]

If I have a busy week I don’t bother others or make plans I play it by ear. I’m just unsure about how drained I’m going to be and don’t want to put that on others. People really need to make me feel obligated like they did something for me and I’ll ruin it just by not attending.
But if you’re not offering a compromise…
Come to my place for dinner or let’s watch a movie at your place.
I’ll bring you lunch
Boom Boom after a workout
Meet me at the bar &grill my treat
Etc.
than obviously it’s you that’s getting bored.


Sad thing is if you want a hard working man that’s going places this is what you have to deal with.

[Cabo1990]

Is it bad if I told him I fancy him? When I said it his response was “well yeah, we’ve gone out on a few dates, isn’t that how it works?”

[whiskeyontherocks]

Well he’s not lying which means he fancies you to.
If he can’t admit it he might not be confident in the relationship feeling like he does not deserve you, or you’re going to get to know him and not like what you see.
If it starts looking like he’s self sabotaging than he’s self sabotaging.

Either way he’s emotionally detached and that doesn’t go away. Well not easily…
I’d say tell him you want to make dinner for him after he gets off work your place or his. If he turns down food there’s probably a issue.

I had to talk my girlfriend into coming over by enticing her with good food when she was overwhelmed with work. It worked every time. But without food it’s whatever.

[Cabo1990]

We aren’t really big on dinner and like food. Neither of us eat very much. He wanted to come to mine last Saturday and stay in and watch movies but I have family at mine and his mom is staying with him right now. So it didn’t work out. He’s also taking a break from drinking the next few weeks.

[whiskeyontherocks]

Doesn’t matter how much you eat you have to eat

If you both still live with family I understand why you would want more alone time as quality time. And see the difficulty in it.
Just because you’re cooking together doesn’t mean you have to cook something big or extravagant.
While In a similar situation my girlfriend and I would go outside and fire up the grill We hide on the side yard
Steak
Slow roasted sweet corn
And she chopped the lettuce and fixings for a salad
Tried 3 times before getting it right

One time I surprised her with a picnic near a park just sandwiches cheese and pepperoni all from the nearest deli. Cut up a lemon for water and I think I had a beer.

Going out to kick it doesn’t have to be any one thing or special it just needs to happen while in a rough spot. It can really help build a strong bond to break bread with someone.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like either lack of interest or emotionally unavailable. I’ve dealt with men like that several times in my life, and I wouldn’t know any better if my current boyfriend wasn’t the perfect example of what a guy really does when he likes you. From the start, he was showing genuine interest and making effort to talk, ask me out, and set a plan. If we ever broke up I would never accept that “I’m too busy” with work line again, because my boyfriend only has one day off a week, and work 9 and 11 hour days. 5 days out of the week he drives the hour and a half a takes to get to my house when he’s not working, then even if he’s tired as heck he will take me out if I want to do something. He is consistent, hasn’t faltered, and doesn’t disappoint me. These traits are the definition of “if he wanted to he would”. So I can confidently tell you not to settle for a dude who’s allegedly too busy and can’t prioritize you at least one day out of the week. You can do better, and should want better.

[Cabo1990]

That is very sweet of you and yes it’s a good reminder! You’re very lucky! I hope I get that one day!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks! It is definitely a refreshing experience. I hope you find the right person and not settle for any guy who doesn’t meet your standards. I’d also say not to adjust those standards to accommodate someone who isn’t living up to them. If this dude isn’t making the right effort then you’re much better off dropping him and finding someone who acts better.

[Cabo1990]

I think what I need to do is not obsessed and let things happen if he comes around great, if he doesn’t, his loss

[Opinion Owner]

I agree, it’s something I had to do as well in the past. I know there’s a big level of excitement when you meet a guy and things start off well, the dates are fun and so forth. However, it’s important to take a step back sometimes and look at the situation in a level headed way when he isn’t acting right. For instance, if he hasn’t seen you in a week and doesn’t know when he’ll get to see you again. His job isn’t going anywhere, so you can only assume this will be something to expect in the future, and if it is, is that really a dynamic you want to stay in? Since it’s only been a few weeks, I’m assume you have feelings but nothing too crazy, which makes this the best time to walk away when you are seeing red flags.

[Cabo1990]

Agreed, and I’m not trying to make excuses, but he just started his own company, and had an issue with his parents last week. It’s not an excuse but I feel maybe he just has a lot going on. To be fair when I asked to hang out he said “ I’ve got quite a few things on at work this week but I’ll deff try” not sure if that makes any difference

[Opinion Owner]

Hmm, I feel like that complicates the situation a bit. Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing that he’s starting up his own business, but I also know that a lot of responsibility comes with that and it can be very time consuming. It’s one thing if you two had already been in a relationship and then he decided to start a business, but you guys are just getting started. It’s hard to really get the ball rolling and establish something when his schedule is so demanding, which is already showing due to his availability alone, and I don’t see that losing traction any time soon, but actually picking up momentum should his business go well. I’m definitely not trying to detour you from pursuing him or make it seem like a lost cause. Just giving you some factors to consider, should you choose to continue on with him. You don’t want “taking it slow” to turn into a justification for his possible unavailability going forward.

[Cabo1990]

Yeah I’m aware of that they started the company like maybe a year ago or just under. But you’re right.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, maybe what you were talking about doing and not engaging unless he does would be for the better. Really put some thought into if you wanna continue that though, Bc it’s easier to walk away sooner rather than invest more time and make it harder to leave later..

[DermalPunch]

I am really sorry to be this person but I can't take it any more.

looseadjective 1. not firmly or tightly fixed in place; detached or able to be detached. "a loose tooth"loseverb 1. be deprived of or cease to have or retain (something). "I've lost my appetite". At this point, you are. He could very well be dating around and doesn't want to seem like a cad. He could be busy. Don't call or text him. If he doesn't ci tact you in a week you have your answer.

[Man-O-Metal]

Just keep talking with him. Don’t freak out yet. I can say that I have had those really busy weeks myself. It’s just a part of life. So ask him when he’d like to go out again but don’t push him. Just throw one proposal at him and let him mull over it. Sometimes guys and girls can get caught up in their life and certain things can be a second thought in that moment. Not to say he doesn’t think about you. But work is his priority during the day. Dating is something we all have to sacrifice time for.

[TheoPfeifle]

If it's only been a few weeks, you barely know each other. Do you know if he's the type who normally does not make plans, for any reason? For example, I'm the type of guy who likes to make his plans loose so that fewer things have to be rearranged when unexpected events cause plans to have to change. My advice is patience.

[Cabo1990]

We were suppose to hang out at mine on Saturday. But my aunt came into to town and is staying with me so that fell through. His mom ks currently at his temporarily as well and he is not drinking for the next few weeks so we don’t have many options on things to do, neither of us are the type to do “activities” and we aren’t foodies (neither of us really like to eat) we live in central London and would much rather just go out and meet for drinks or have a chill night in and watch a movie. And right now we can’t really do either. So I understand options are somewhat limited which is why I’m not Italy panicking. I just know it’s early stages of getting to know each other and don’t want to come off to needy or clingy and turn him off. Might seem silly, but it’s happened before.

[TheoPfeifle]

Understandable... Patience is really the only way to know, in the end, though.

[Cabo1990]

I think we are also both really bad at dating, I jump into things really quickly and he takes his time, so we are trying to find a happy balance between the two of us

[TheoPfeifle]

You might even try having a casual conversation about that difference between you two, to try ironing something out. Make him understand that you are holding yourself back, and maybe he will be inclined to move a little more closely for you.

[Cabo1990]

I feel like that usually scares men off. It’s happened before

[TheoPfeifle]

Well, then, patience is the only way.

[ragingRex]

Honestly, and I am guilty of this too, depending on the guy, if he feels there is no chance of sexual relations soon, he could be pulling away.

It's not a bad thing, it's not a negative thing. Most men are instinctually driven for sex. They may not realize the motivation, but if that weird connection is made in any sort of subtle way, they will pull back.

Now, if he's one of the few men who recognize this motivation and don't let it control them, then he could be busy with work.

I guess you need to gauge his motivation first.

[Cabo1990]

We’ve slept together already, the issue is we both have family staying with us, and so he wanted to come over to mine last Saturday and watch movies and stet the night but couldn’t. Our families leave in a few weeks. He also is not drinking for the next few weeks as a detox

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you are being paranoid. He might need some space to rest and do other things. Perhaps he is even testing how well you take it if he says “no, let’s hang out some other time”. I suggest you give him some space but continue showing him you care and that you are interested in his well-being

[ImJustSomeGuyLol]

Maybe, hard to tell just based on that.
But seeing as the relationship is new, you would think he would be keen to meet with you.

Maybe check in with him in a weeks time, might give you a better gauge if he's gone cold or not.

[RHK36]

Could be both, either way you need to pump the brakes on expectations if this is a fresh relationship. Play it cool and give it time before going down the rabbit hole. The good sign is that he's communicating with you.

[Jamesshinobi]

I am crazy so take my opinion with a grain of salt. I hate being alone and would never turn company away unless i did not enjoy their company at all. all of my exes became exes because i lost interest and just drifted away.

[Cabo1990]

Totally appreciate the feedback but because I like this guy I’m gonna hope that this is not the case

[Jamesshinobi]

my Twin brother is the exact opposite. he is more brooding and keeps to himself. If your guy is like that with other people too, then i dont think you need to worry

[Cabo1990]

🤞🤞🤞

[Anonymous]

Who cares what he thinks, he sounds super boring and lazy. Maybe you are the one that lost interest? I would.

[athlete_7]

I have felt the same worrying does get u paranoid. Dont bother time reveals true faces if he is worried enough he ll get back.

[Anonymous]

Nah don't worry about it. He's just tending to other women right now. When that reaches a natural stopping point. Or until you call him back it'll just seem like he's lost interest.

[maximumpower]

you're paranoid.
if his slience stretches out to three weeks, then it's possibly that he's lost interest.

[driven159]

Over thinking it's way too early to might any judgments

[baserunner611]

Ask can help 🆘 with anything and start with your schedule plan. Can you help with anything or get him a few hours with you.
Then you can ask questions without looking 👀 like you ask questions

[EarthRealm]

Pick up a book or sum dog
All that can be learned in a book.

[Anonymous]

Who cares. You could find another guy to date in an hour.

[exitseven]

overthinkig at this point.

[Calvin-Ro]

Try to know what's on his mind

[Cabo1990]

He kind of got into it with his parents and is taking a break from drinking his mom has been staying with him for a few weeks and I think he’s ready to have his space back

[Calvin-Ro]

I think you should give him sometime

[ZenoZoldyck]

I won't read this and I'll just say he lost interest on you based on your age

[epictetus455]

Your are prob probably paranoid

[Joker_]

He's lost interest

[Cabo1990]

Really?

[Joker_]

not really

[Cabo1990]

😑😑😑😑

[Joker_]

🤣🤣

[Cabo1990]

Lol..

[Joker_]

I love you

[Cabo1990]

Well at least you made me laugh

[Cabo1990]

Hahahah

[Cabo1990]

Well good to know someone does

[Joker_]

lol‎‎