Is he losing interest or am I over thinking?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I got into an argument where we almost broke up and we're trying to make things work but he barely spends time with me ever since , doesn't say I love you anymore, no good mornings or goodnight and when he does decided to talk to me or spend time with me it's short answered and he doesn't know what to do, asks me for suggestions always and when I bring up that there's no effort or he isn't even trying and that the relationship isn't the same anymore he gets upset and says I'm just feeling bad again, thoughts?

Updates

+1 y

Is he waiting for me to lose interest or what?

[Summeroflove]

I think you need to bring up how you feel to him. It happens sometimes people begin to grow apart and it’s not meant to be, other times people work through it and become stronger than ever.

I think you need to ask him if that’s what he’s wanting and communicate how you feel and what’s going on. Sure sometimes people do need the time to calm down. BUT… There comes a time where if someone refuses to talk. Maybe it’s time to move on.

Now. I don’t know what the argument was over. If it was over something petty, a lot of little things that led to a explosion, or something major like cheating.

[Asker]

Thank you really appreciate the advice and it wasn't something major like cheating or anything like that, was literally just not spending enough time together and effort in the relationship and then talking about what his ex used to do sexually after we had the first argument

[Summeroflove]

Ah that makes sense and you’re welcome. Communication is key. Talking about things before it ends in a explosion.

As far as sexual stuff goes. It’s why I think sex should be after marriage. It causes problems especially when someone compares one person to another

[Asker]

So this can still work or too late? in your opinion

True yeah

[Summeroflove]

I think it really depends. Maybe try talking to him or even find a professional couples counselor who can help you work through things or decide if maybe you should see other people

[Asker]

Yeah I guess so thank you , appreciate it

[Summeroflove]

You’re welcome

[AngryCarl]

There's a lot I don't know about this. How long have you been together? Why did you guys argue? What is your normal relationship dynamic?

Without any information my best guess would be that he met someone else and he may or may not be cheating on you.

[Asker]

Known each other for half a year

Argued because he said his ex did something sexually in the past and it was exciting I said it's a turn off talking about his ex and we argued, he says it's normal and apart of his past and I said you don't bring your ex sexually up and say it's exciting when you want me to do said thing that she did and then I said I needed space, took a day to myself and when I got back he didn't really care If I did or not, effort has been lacking for a month or so now and he has work from like morning to 6pm and when he knocks off it's gym or going out or cooking or whatever, he'd even be just watching soccer and he wouldn't be interested in texting me or seeing me, says his busy yet before he'd message me while doing any of that, sounds like a bad excuse but when I bring It up he says I'm over exaggerating and I'm starting my nonsense and he literally doesn't even say I love you anymore no proper good mornings , barely texts me at work like he did, doesn't spend weekends with me, that's his family time and even then weekends his not available, only after 10pm when I'm exhausted and going to bed does he wanna talk and now doesn't even know what to say or do with me, asks me to come up with stuff so yeah that's about it , thoughts?

[AngryCarl]

It doesn't sound like he has time to see another woman so that's out. Honestly it sounds like he's "quiet quitting" on the relationship, in the sense that he feels it's over but is too lazy or awkward to dump you formally. Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings if that's what it is, but any time you tell your SO that you "need space" that relationship is effectively over.

[Asker]

So nothing I can do about this then?

[AngryCarl]

I can't see any way to fix it, but I can't say under oath that it's not possible.

[Asker]

Fair enough thank you

[AngryCarl]

You're welcome!

[kylee2437]

If anyone in this situation should be losing interest, it’s you. You are allowing him to less than bare minimum you.

[Asker]

But he doesn't sound interested anymore does he

[kylee2437]

Whether he is or isn’t, you definitely shouldn’t tolerate this kind of treatment.

[Asker]

🌸💮thank you

[bobalife]

I agree with @angrycarl but I also wanna play devils advocate that instead of running its course like one would say, I believe it’s about communication and choices. I would say it doesn’t hurt to talk to him when he’s in a good mood and space, without making him feel guilty or judge, gently tell him you miss him and hearing from him, then, ask him where he’s at with his feelings and thoughts about you guys to have a better understanding of your relationship and what can you BOTH do to rekindle it if you both still wanna fight for it. Relationship takes work for two people. Hope this helps!

[bobalife]

But I also agree with @kylee3427 that if you no longer see him as someone who is bringing anything to the table in what you looked for and this relationship is no longer serving you… it’s more than okay to take your leave because you definitely deserve better!

[Asker]

Thank you I really appreciate your opinion and advice, helped a lot

[bobalife]

Your welcome, I’m glad, just know whatever you choose to do is the right choice no matter the outcome. Goodluck! :)

[Asker]

Thank you 💓

[bobalife]

❤️🩷🤍

[RavVid]

He may be waiting for you to apologize. Women are very bad/reluctant at that and hardly ever do. Instead of apologizing they will say that they want to make you feel better which I take as insult to injury.

If I considered the argument to be your fault than I would react like that waiting to see if you will apologize and let it die if you don't.

[Asker]

I did apologize, I said if his willing to admit his wrongs then so am I

[RavVid]

It is a conditional apology at most. :)

[itsclearlynicholas]

Are you both overthinkers? 👀 And how does that from the beginning impact the attraction/chemistry of a relationship? Just curious. I am one such overthinker and I'm glad I never settled for less, so I stayed single lol personally. To your question, shrugs. Thats all my insight is. Shrugs. After all, always other fish to hook line and reel in 🐠🐟

[Asker]

He doesn't overthink much but fair enough thanks

[PeachyPie93]

Could be that he is annoyed at you. So he wants you to put effort in or makeup properly with him, instead of you just wanting him to put in effort. Guys get tired and start to give up when they are the only one trying.

[Asker]

Well he doesn't even give me time to try, his never around lol no effort at all, can't try 10pm and night can I?

[PeachyPie93]

Oh where is he all day? Work? Do you two not text anymore?

[Asker]

Used to text while at work everyday and now he barely answers me and when he does get to his home he goes to the gym or out to get food or has to cook or clean up, or weekends with family and puts his phone off and usually when we get time it's past 10, which I'm exhausted from work and the day lol don't see how I Can put effort into that either then telling him to put effort so that I can try

[PeachyPie93]

Oh okay with more context, I would say just breakup because that doesn't even sound like a relationship.

[Asker]

Well just hard throwing it all away

[PeachyPie93]

Yeah, I get it but he isn't even making time for you. It seems rough.

[Asker]

Which was the reason for the almost breakup in the first place and he sees absolutely nothing wrong with it

[BoopBoopBeep]

He checked out once you "almost broke up" and he realized he might be happier out of the relationship.

[Asker]

So why doesn't he just say anything

[BoopBoopBeep]

What's he going to say? I'm sick of the bullshit? Then there's going to be a fight. His most important thing is having some peace in his life. Saying I'm sick of the bullshit isn't going to do that. He's probably figuring out if the relationship is worth salvaging. You need to honestly decide for yourself if you care which way he decides. If you don't, just go ahead and break up. .

[Asker]

Well obviously I care but I don't wanna be strung along either, how do you think I can bring this up

[BoopBoopBeep]

Well, if you're at the point where you're not going to give him any more time to sort it out:

It seems to me you've lost interest in the relationship because [all the reasons you listed above]. I'm sorry that it's come to this, but we both deserve to be happy and it's clear I don't do that for you any longer. I think we should end this relationship and out of respect for what we had, I hope you're able to find what it is you're looking for.

[Asker]

Thank you💕 I appreciate this

[BoopBoopBeep]

Of course. Good luck... with however it turns out.

[Asker]

Thank you

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sounds like Everything is still fresh and still needs some time to heal, if it remains the same for a week then start worrying, of course it depends on the argument and how deep he took it.

[Asker]

So nothing to worry about for now?

[ChicoFromThe305]

Naw not yet

[Asker]

Cool thanks

[spartan55]

What was the last argument about?

[Asker]

Him not putting in any effort in our relationship

[slatyb]

It's time to break up.

[Asker]

Why?

[slatyb]

"He barely spends time with me." You are already broken up.

[laly520]

seems like its the end

[Asker]

Why would you say that by the way?

[laly520]

when a relationship run its course it starts to sound the way u described it
if it doesn't get fixed so soon then thats the end

[Asker]

Yeah I guess, thank you

[Danny_dan92]

Sounds like the end is coming

[Asker]

Why would you say that?

[Danny_dan92]

Is it not obvious?

[SolitarySolace]

He is losing interest because you are overthinking

[JayBones]

Yes. It's done.

[Asker]

Why?

[JayBones]

I don't know, ask him. He is showing you its done but your stupid.