Why do guys say things like, they were “only joking” whenever they say something hurtful?

[CrazyGirl2]

[Chazmatazz269]

Most likely because they’re joking.
I’m going to stretch into some related points, thank you very much.
Ribs traded between partners is pretty common, but only women will manipulate them into the power dynamic. Women say rude AF stuff to their men ALL the time. More often than not, we take it on the chin. We inherently believe when a woman wants to hurt us, she’ll go colder. But when men make similar jokes, women immediately either assume they’re trying to destroy them or they play on that unlikely possibility to leverage power out of the exchange. There’s an old quote, “The weakness of men is the appearance of strength while the strength of women is the appearance of weakness.” If you can’t trust your fella, don’t accept hurtful jokes, but also DON’T stay! Without trust you have nothing. If you DO trust him, then i should not have to remind you that he’ll NEVER intentionally hurt you. So you’re being overly sensitive if his jokes hurt your feelings. It’s fair to tell him you were hurt by his words, but to treat him as though he’s done so deliberately is uncalled for.
At some point, a smart fella will detect the deliberate manipulation of these things to his detriment and he’ll either leave or he WILL try to hurt you. The thought being, “If i’m constantly treated like a criminal, why not at least benefit from the crime?
So either leave, or thicken your skin and learn to pick your battles.

[CrazyGirl2]

Well you may not win the “Most Helpful Opinion” 🥇 but you definitely win the “dancing around the point without ever getting to it” award🥉 . By the way, I believe the quote you were thinking of was “Men’s greatest weakness is their facade of strength, and women’s greatest strength is their facade of weakness.” — Dr. Warren Farrell.
But thank you very much for taking the time to address my question. Laura.

[Still-alive]

Looks like most share the same opinion on this one. Its just something assholes say to try to appear like they aren't being assholes.

its similar to when people say ‘no offense’ after saying something really offensive or ‘just saying’

[CrazyGirl2]

Yes, absolutely! I completely agree that it is likely just assholes being assholes, for the sake of assholishness, because, as I just said, they really are assholes!

[Minxxie]

Emotional immaturity and cowardliness. They are too weak to say what they want to say and stand behind it.

They want to hurt you but they can't take the heat of you pushing back. They DO mean it but they try to back peddle because they are wimps.

[CrazyGirl2]

That is certainly one possibility, there are definitely people just like that, in every way.

[DizzyDesii]

Cause they know they fcked up. I dislike the “only joking” type of people in general

[CrazyGirl2]

Oh god, it’s the worst! I couldn’t agree more!

[DizzyDesii]

And one just did it now when i called him out on something 🤦‍♀️

[DizzyDesii]

Thanks for mho

[CrazyGirl2]

You’re most welcome 🤗

[TwinTonyz]

I'm just realizing that prodding in jest is core to flirtation. Something about the infantilism of insults spurs on attraction. That said you can take it too far, and a good man should be able to keep right on that fine line. When you push over, yes the gut reaction is to say you're just joking.

Let's not look to the forest on that wording though, and take it exactly as it's said. One who's "only joking" sues to immediately dispel the conflict. There are marginally better ways to say this, but that by steps the issue of what's being said and dives into how their saying it. You're taking this as avoidance rather than a resolution by implying intent from wording.

People do make intentionally harmful statements, then walk it back in ways, but the act from your side should be the same in any case. Express your sensitivity to that topic and allow the other party an opportunity to prove their compliance. Any subsequent occurrences may be dealt with in kind where they violate your desires on this matter.

[ChrisMaster69]

It’s a response when people are caught out saying something they actually mean.

it can be either gender.

invariably it’s something they would not say if others heard them or called them on it.

outside of this you have sarcasm which does confuse people, however if being sarcastic you really should make sure other person understands you are being sarcastic.

back to the ‘just joking thing’, it does not need to be hurtful, it can just cringy or weird.

they say it expecting a reaction but get loads of “🤢🤮, you freaking weirdo”

they then come back with “seriously guys I was just joking”

[CrazyGirl2]

Thanks for your answer, Chris. Regarding where you said it does not need to be hurtful, it can just cringy or weird” I totally agree, and I did actually write a list of things, (including cringy or weird) but eventually I just realized on GaG anytime I write much more than 4 or 5 lines of text, someone replies accusing me of “Ranting”! Apparently the troglodyte wing of GaG isn’t over the fact we vote, so they’re genuinely pissed that we can actually read and write now, too! Therefore I try to practice brevity wherever possible. I certainly agree that whenever the men (or women) although in my experience it’s unique to men, women are far more likely to feel bad that something they said hurt someone and apologize. But when the do say something and they suddenly realize that they are NOT with “likeminded” individuals “what? It was just a joke” beats “yeah I do believe that, so? Why do you care? Oh because YOU are black? I guess I didn’t notice, B/C I don’t see color!”! As for sarcasm… eh my dad’s from the North of England, he’s as sarcastic as they get… consequently it rubbed off on me, so I get and appreciate GOOD sarcasm, it just that so little of it over here is actually good (or funny). Again though, seriously thank you for your answer. 😘💋

[Blueeyes81]

Because men and women react differently. When a guy says something hurtful out of frustration to his guy friends. The friend usually doesn't want to talk about it. They just give each other space.

However when a man says something hurtful out of frustration to his girlfriend or female friend they almost always want to talk about it. The "just joking" is a way of trying to get her to let it go and give him space.

The second scenario is guys joke with each other in a much harsher way than women do. Sometimes we get carried away and forget that we are joking with a woman and it gets taking the wrong way, i. e personally. In that case we really were just joking but much the way we do with our guy friends.

[CrazyGirl2]

That’s all true, but we are very different to men… we’re not exactly men with boobs you know?

[Blueeyes81]

The same goes in reverse and why the two sexes don't always get along.

[CrazyGirl2]

Exactly

[Kaneki05]

Because it's a joke? Sure there are some assholes out there who will just say what they mean but saying there joking but spend time with guys we always say stuff to each other that's mean but as a joke. We don't have to express to each other it's a joke because we've done it for years to each other.
But if a girl is not used to that one may have to specific more. Though the best girls are the ones who already know and make a witty comeback.

[CrazyGirl2]

My question only relates to everything BEFORE a the “but”, only to those who say something, then after they realize that they hurt someone’s feelings, dismiss that hurt by claiming that the offensive remark was “only a joke”. But thank you for at least attempting to answer my question. I truly appreciate you taking your time to try to help. 😘💋

[Kaneki05]

So your question only relates to the answer you wanted and already knew? Confusion to why the question then lol.

[Hairylegs222]

Women have done this to me too. I put my foot down and make it clear I'm not a fan of insulting me and trying to put it off that it's just a "joke". It's not a joke, it's an insult, plain and simple. Be more witty with your jokes instead of straight up insults.

[CrazyGirl2]

I absolutely agree, while I have personally never seen a female do this, I’m sure there must be sone who do! Thank you for taking your time to answer my question. 😘

[Hairylegs222]

Of course 😊😘. I think people do that to make themselves feel better by belittling someone. They're not happy and want to see others feel hurt so they feel down to their level. Also some people just don't care at all what comes out of their mouths. The whole excuse about "no filter" to be lazily rude to everyone.

[CrazyGirl2]

That’s so true! Thanks for your reply.

[kellytheman]

It depends they said that was hurtful maybe. If they call you a degrading name like the B word or C word then they say they are joking it's only because they don't want you to be mad at them even they probably actually meant it. I never call a girl I am in a relationship a name or something hurtful then say I am "only joking". Why say it then when your joking. I only call my girl a vixen or queen or maybe sexy words in the bedroom.

[CrazyGirl2]

Thanks for answering my question.

[TwiNshichamp1]

Yes My girl she is a cutee to me lol 😂 sometimes I may be mad and say things bad I control myself now thou,
she knows
Iam just angry. I will never say bad things to her to make her feel worse about herself. Bad words kills relationships real quick.👀

[kellytheman]

Glad to help and give my opinion.

[CrazyGirl2]

Thank you, I’m glad you gave it too 😘💋🙏🏼

[DermalPunch]

When men joke with each other, they go for the jugular. So when a man is joking around with his girlfirend he knows he can't joke like he is with the boys -- gay insults, his bravery or lack therof and of course ability to get 😽🙀 -- so he wants to tease but isn't sure what's too far or not. Usually it is so he has to back track. Some guys are just jerks and want to water down their girl's self esteem because he is grooming her for abuse. It's a kind of gaslighting. This is rarer.

[CrazyGirl2]

I’ve never thought of it as being a deliberate attempt at conditioning her to accept abuse!

[vagislay]

Anyone who does this guy or woman is so annoying. I’ve had women who I was friends with overdo the “joking” and I cut them off bloop. And when a guy makes it a habit that is a turn off to meee

[CrazyGirl2]

I agree! Even if he does it once… we’ll maybe not once, everyone makes mistakes, but certainly if he does it a second time, I would be done! Thanks for answering my question sweetie.

[RedStealthOperative]

I really hate when people do this, so I feel you on this one. It sucks when people make jokes at someone else's expense.

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! :)

[CrazyGirl2]

💯% Yes! I completely agree. Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.

[Belgie]

Usually because they were.

Male humour is often more vicious looking/sounding but it's not intended to hurt. If a guy wants to hurt, he's direct about it.

Women are far more likely to use passive aggressive bullshit and snide hurtful comments because they don't go for straight direct confrontation or attack.

[Zeus_66]

They say things like that for the same reasons why girls do it. It's a personality thing. Some people truly are mean, and they do it in indirect ways. Some people however do it because they think it is funny and push it too far and don't realize it.

[CrazyGirl2]

I’ve never once seen a girl say something hurtful to others, then laugh and say that they were only joking without AT LEAST acknowledging the hurt they caused, and apologizing for it…. Not ONCE!

[Zeus_66]

Well, you're 19. Give it time.

[CrazyGirl2]

Gosh, I hope that my friends and acquaintances don’t change THAT much in the future, that they would callously hurt someone, and just play that hurt off as if it was a joke…

[Aerissa_Jade]

I've found they either say, they were only joking or they will say they are sorry as they didn't mean it that way.

[CrazyGirl2]

Omg yes! I’ve seen that too!

[grapefruit11]

Sometimes it’s because they genuinely didn’t mean it.


But in my experience, most of the time, it’s a way to be able get away with insulting and degrading you. It’s a form of manipulation where they put you down and then also try to make you feel like you’re crazy for being hurt by it.

[CrazyGirl2]

Yes, I agree with that! Thanks for taking your valuable time to answer my question

[grapefruit11]

You're very welcome ☺️

[DoctorSex]

I don't think guys are exclusive in this regards my dear. I used to ask the same question about females when I was younger. LolKind regards, DoctorSex

[CrazyGirl2]

Again, as I said to the guy above you, I‘ve never once seen a girl say something hurtful to others, then laugh and say that they were only joking without AT LEAST acknowledging the hurt they caused, and apologizing for it…. Not ONCE! I don’t know what kind of women you associated with in your teens / early 20s, but nobody I know has ever acted Like that.

[DoctorSex]

@CrazyGirl2 you're 19 years old. You shouldn't be filled with so much attitude. I do not know you, you've posted a question to guys and I'm responding to your post.

Your experience with women doesn't disprove or make less relevant, other people's experiences.

I've never seen a man r*pe a woman, doesn't mean it hasn't happened. You're not showing the empathy that you claim women automatically show. In any case, you're 19 and still growing.

Take care of yourself and do your best to treat strangers you ask for feedback from, with some degree of respect.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[CrazyGirl2]

Thanks for your reply. There was no attitude there, I’ve had a busy day, but now I’m just chillin’ in my house after a few edibles! I couldn’t BE more chill. I’m sorry if you thought that I had an attitude, I’m extremely grateful for every single answer to any of my questions. In fact, I always thank everyone individually for their answer. And give them a like so they get as many points as possible. The fact that I have never heard a female say something deliberately rude, and then saying that it was just a joke, or that she was only joking, doesn’t mean that I doubt you, nor in anyway think it’s never happened. I meant what I said, literally “I’ve never seen it” hell, I’m 19, there are a LOT of things I’ve never seen.

[CrazyGirl2]

@DoctorSex The comment above was for you, I just forgot to “tag” you. My apologies.

[DoctorSex]

@CrazyGirl2 that's fine. I accept your apology, and
i respect that you're mature enough to address how you made me feel. Sometimes i don't give the best representation of myself, but as long as I'm willing to correct my wrongs I can at least be proud of myself.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Snsl153]

This is known as 'gaslighting', and the people who do it are absolute assholes who are not even worth spitting on.

[CrazyGirl2]

You’re absolutely right! There is never a excuse for gaslighting!
Thanks for answering my question.

[Screenwriter]

Cause they're trying to get away with being abusive. Run the other way if this is a pattern with someone you're with.

[CrazyGirl2]

I completely agree! And no, this isn’t happening with me and someone whom I am dating.
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.

[Baylayy]

Most of the time they are being honest. But they are fine with it and don't mind it so they say they are joking.

[CrazyGirl2]

Eh? I guess. But if they were “fine with it” why not just say they meant it, why screw around with saying that they were “just joking” if they meant it and the are fine, with it?

[Baylayy]

It's cause they don't want to hurt other person's feelings. But they already have 🤷‍♂️

[CrazyGirl2]

So then why not just apologize? For the hurt you’ve cause, you know you’ve caused hurt, you can see that you’ve caused hurt, what is so hard about just apologizing?

[TwiNshichamp1]

@CrazyGirl2 if that happened I always apologizing. I gat a sympathy heart I can feel it if I hurt someone. Iam so down to earth individual saying sorry is not a big thing to me. Because when I say sorry, I always mean it.

[CrazyGirl2]

@TwiNshichamp1 Yes TwIN, I understand that, you have kindly let me now know multiple times, but my question was actually for @Baylayy

[TwiNshichamp1]

You know what, I replied here, then few mins later, I found that you replied on my opinion too. And this was the best answer that's why I replied twice.

[jahaims]

Could be trying make an excuse for being a dick or that is just how they joke. Guys tend to joke in a different manner than women. The vile and hurtful the funnier. You just have to be able to read intent.

[CrazyGirl2]

I totally, both understand and appreciate that guys joke around differently than we girls. However when a guy is talking to a girl and he’s “joking around“ but something he says hurts her feelings… He should apologize.

[Onceuponoflove]

Sometimes I go too far and didn't mean to hurt their feelings. I can be idiot a lot of the times and I am aware of it.

[CrazyGirl2]

I appreciate your honesty!

[Guy__]

Looks like you already know the answer. They just don't want to properly apologize. Even if a joke is hurtful, one can say "I'm sorry and it was also a joke." I rarely use the words "I'm sorry" to not say it when it shouldn'tne said, but if I suspect I may have hurt someone, I pay more attention to see them alright, and before I can say anything they're usually already saying "it's ok". I don't remember using the "it was a joke" excuse past when I was 6 years old.

[skeetskeetskeet]

Because they weren't joking... I'm all about speaking my mind... but if I say something I own it... you look weak by backpeddling

[CrazyGirl2]

Well no, obviously they weren’t actually joking, they just realized that they screwed up, and rather be a man and just apologize, they pretend that it was just a joke! As for “looking week by back peddling”, I guess if you want to end up married To a man, that a great strategy! But if you want to eventually get married to a woman… learning now, that we far more appreciate honesty and a quick apology, will get you closer to a happy marriage than any of that macho BS. Hey wasn’t it the Village people who sung “Macho man” In the first place?

[skeetskeetskeet]

I think you got it wrong... maybe weak was the wrong word... maybe bitchlike is better.. if I said something not cool I'd apologize or whatever no problem... I'm not gonna try and weasel out of it by blaming it on a joke... you might be shocked but women seem to like that

[CrazyGirl2]

No, why would that shock me? But I don’t date women, so don’t really have any interest as to what some women do, in dating situations.

[YHL6965]

Sometimes, it might be a genuine blunder but there are some guys who do that because they don't have the balls to take responsibility for their actions. Just don't jump at a guy's throat if it's a blunder.

[CrazyGirl2]

I absolutely agree with that! Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question.

[McKellar]

That's okay, I've been through that plenty of times. They will either say something dumb like "I was just joking" or something even more stupid like "I was just joking, FUCK!". Those type of people were just never nurtured right.

[CrazyGirl2]

Lol, yes, there is definitely something wrong with them! Thank you SO much for taking the time to answer my question.

[MrPickles13]

I honestly don't know why people when they say something hurtful they either say they didn't mean it or were joking either when they realised it was hurtful or they were called on it. It just seems like away to gloss over what they said.

[CrazyGirl2]

I totally agree!

[MrPickles13]

Yeah and honestly it sucks cause the fact that they were thinking it and said most likely without thinking and then try to back track doesn't make it better. Tbh makes it worse

[CrazyGirl2]

He, yes it most certainly does!

[luxxoxo]

It’s not a joke it’s an emotional attack on how you feel about some particular subject.

[CrazyGirl2]

💯% yes I agree! But unfortunately, being so dismissive as to just play it off as a joke, just makes it even more hurtful!

[Anonymous]

Because they don't want to admit that they were trying to hurt your feelings. A lot of people do that. Then it makes you like you can't take a joke. They just dismiss how you feel.

[CrazyGirl2]

Yep! 100% agree! Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.

[boggboss]

Tends to be the response when they say somthing they didn't think would hurt to that degree

[CrazyGirl2]

I agree, I was just hoping someone would have the actual reason why they say that they were joking rather than simply man-up and apologize for saying something that clearly hurt someone… I guarantee you that will be appreciated a thousand times more than “what? I was JUST joking!”.

[boggboss]

But thats the thing they don't believe they should apologise because the intent was not to hurt

[CrazyGirl2]

That doesn’t make any sense, if I say something to you, and you feel that what I said was hurtful, then I will move heaven and earth to make sure you understood that it was just a careless joke gone wrong, but I DID hurt you, and For that, I am deeply sorry”! I just don’t understand why men think that is a weakness to apologize?

[boggboss]

I wouldn't say its somthing men think me personally if somthing I said hurt someone I would explain the misunderstanding and apologise if my comment hurt feelings but past that I wouldn't make a massive thing out of it I guess some people's pride get in the way

[CrazyGirl2]

Well, I don’t know what you mean by “much more than that”. But I don’t believe that I have suggested anything other that apologizing.

[boggboss]

I mean some people are nit willing to accept a apology at first and u have to the further length for them too which I'm not willing to do

[CrazyGirl2]

Ahh okay. Thank you so much for answering my question

[Tstrbrainer]

That depends on person to person.
Sometimes we are genuinely joking and really don't have any idea on how a girl would feel about that. It could be probably because us guys don't see such hurtful things as a big deal.

[CrazyGirl2]

Just understand, if someone is visibly hurt by a comment you make… It’s a big deal to the person who was hurt

[CrazyGirl2]

Also thanks for taking the time to answer my question.

[Tstrbrainer]

You are welcome

[annabananna]

Either they were only joking or they weren’t and they are saying they were so they don’t have to admit to saying something they shouldn’t have said.

[CrazyGirl2]

Yep! That about sums up what I’ve seen.

[Zolly99999]

Most times they are being passive aggressive.. or they are testing the ", waters" and if it doesn't get the response they want they say " I was only joking" . It's a way to cover their ass

[CrazyGirl2]

Oooooh! Yeah I can definitely see how in some situations, especially when they bring up relationship or sexuality based topics, where that absolutely explains it perfectly

[Zolly99999]

Hey... I'm not perfect... I may have done it too in the past 😉

[CrazyGirl2]

The passive-aggressive thing is bad enough, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I agree that someone may be “testing the waters” to gauge response, but if that “water testing” ends-up offending someone, or really upsetting someone who already said NO! Why just lie and claim you were only joking? Because that’s my question… Why after knowing that he’s hurt (or upset) someone would a guy claim to be “only joking” rather than just Man-Up and simply apologize for hurting someone?

[Zolly99999]

Yeah that's a different story if they keep doing it after they know it's just mean after that.

[CrazyGirl2]

***Correction***. Ignore my last response to you, I accidentally replied to you when I intended to reply to someone else! It’s probably why the question seemed different! Sorry

[Zolly99999]

No worries at all.

[Wubs3000]

Fuck If I know I used to have friends like that they were super toxic and asshats.

[CrazyGirl2]

That’s most definitely a great word for them.

[FilmGuy93]

Because they want to say whatever they want to say without people getting offended.

[CrazyGirl2]

But my question assumes that someone already HAS been offended, and only after the offense is made known does the person switch to the claim that “it” was a joke.
But thank you for taking time out of your busy day to deal with my pokey question.

[FilmGuy93]

What I was trying to say is that the guy is dismissing the fact you're upset because he doesn't want you to be upset.

[grega239]

Thats how men treat each other. We insult one another and its funny. Some women didn't catch on yet and get hurt over jokes

[CrazyGirl2]

Maybe those guys should stop treating women like we are just dudes w/ boobs… we’re not. We are completely different to men, we think differently, and we process emotional info very differently, I’m just surprised that more men don’t realize that.

[CrazyGirl2]

Also, thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question.

[grega239]

No. If you come into the group , you hqve to assimilate. Just say something funny back

[SuqqMaddiqq]

It’s so annoying. Even girls do this. Can’t stand it, like if you’re gonna say smt be bold and own up to it instead of playing it off as a joke

[CrazyGirl2]

True

[monkeynutts]

They can't sensor their thoughts before they open their mouths, I think it's something we all fail at sometimes.

[CrazyGirl2]

Absolutely, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. However, my issue was not “why do some guys tell bad jokes” it was… AFTER that joke hurt someone’s feelings, why just insist it was a joke, rather than just apologize for saying something that was hurtful?

[IsoUser]

To be perfectly honest it's the mentality of guys and our sense of humor towards one another in general, it's normal and nothing to be concerned about unless it is directed towards girls. I honestly don't understand why any guy would say demeaning things towards a girl? Girls are what keep us sane.

[CrazyGirl2]

I have seen it myself on multiple occasions, a guy says something (tbf without really thinking) and some girl ends up offended, rather than apologizing to her, the guy will just say that he was only joking!

[IsoUser]

I quite literally can't stop you from unseeing what you've already saw in your own lifetime. Guy's are just different from girls in so many respects. We pretty much rip on one another constantly and put one another down and to be honest it makes you look at yourself and seriously think about what it is that you want in your life! Whether hanging around on the block or being a professional.

[CrazyGirl2]

Speaking as a young woman, I can attest that we know guys are like that… we don’t honestly understand why you guys are like that, but we love you guys anyway. I guess we just don’t want you guys talking to us like that. I know MOST guys don’t, I only asked the question because SOME guy’s do, and when they do, and the girl gets upset, rather than recognize that he hurt her and just apologize , he just blows it off and states that he was only joking!

[IsoUser]

You're an amazing girl and thank you 😉😍😁😁😁😉

[whereismyjohnny]

I think “only joking” is a cover-up (well, most of the time). They say it only when they realize that what they said offended or hurt you. Some may be genuine tho.

It’s not only guys thing, I noticed girls doing it too.

[CrazyGirl2]

That’s a very likely scenario. Thanks so much for your input.

[jengeorge26]

Just another way of walking it back or maybe trying to say that they are sorry…

[CrazyGirl2]

Yeah, maybe 🤔. Personally, I think I’d rather just hear “I’m sorry”! Thank you so much for taking your time to answer my question.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Try to play it off as if they were smooth... truth is, they don't have good social skills

[CrazyGirl2]

Good answer!

[TwiNshichamp1]

I think is to not make someone feel bad If it's real. Is always an excuse hole.

[CrazyGirl2]

Excuse is definitely the operative word. It’s just an excuse, it’s not real, and it certainly doesn’t show the person you’ve hurt, that you are sorry for hurting their feelings, when a quick simple “I’m really sorry” would make all the difference in the world!

[TwiNshichamp1]

if that happened I always apologizing. I gat a sympathy heart I can feel it if I hurt someone. Iam so down to earth individual saying sorry is not a big thing to me. Because when I say sorry, I always mean it. ❤️

[CrazyGirl2]

Well that’s an admirable quality you have there.

[TwiNshichamp1]

@CrazyGirl2 thank you ❤️❤️

[Shy_Steve]

Sometimes it can be because he is lying to you and sometimes it can be because he is either trying to impress you or make you laugh.

[CrazyGirl2]

Yeah that makes sense, but I will never understand how after you KNOW that you hurt someone, why wouldn’t you just apologize?
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.

[SaartjieJane]

I find so many men I meet are passive aggressive so they say hurtful things in a light way and say they’re kidding but they’re actually really not kidding

[CrazyGirl2]

Yeah, that is definitely right in many situations!

[Juxtapose]

Those are the asshole dudebro/gangster guys. Go for more nerdy, quiet guys.

[Juxtapose]

They say that to avoid countability though obviously.

[CrazyGirl2]

I’ve seen nerdy guys say the same thing! While my 1st boyfriend was a jock, my 2nd was a computer nerd, and the were more than a few times when he upset me or someone else, and immediately said “I was only kidding” So, given that I saw that on another post, I thought I would ask it independently of any specific incident.

[Juxtapose]

Shit, then I guess you have to be pretty vigilant for that sort of behavior and cut them off immediately.

[Juxtapose]

Also I would like to kindly ask you or anybody else reading this to assist me. The video I'm going to post below this has been censored three times, share it and spread the word. Censorship is not acceptable.

https://youtu.be/3FqWFz6Tp-w

[anylolone]

Likely because they have been only joking, like any person.

[CrazyGirl2]

No, I’m not referring to ambiguous situations, I’m only referring to situations where a guy says something very hurtful, and when he realizes that not only is nobody amused, but somebody is actually hurting.

[anylolone]

"When he realizes nobody is amused" as I said, like anyone, because the objective was to joke and amuse.

[CrazyGirl2]

I don’t understand why you put the first 5 words in quotation marks? But I am honestly not talking about when someone told a joke that nobody gets, I am only referring to when someone has said something that truly hurt someone else’s feelings, and why in that situation do SOME guys just cop-out and claim that the hurtful comment was “only a joke”! Instead of just apologizing for hurting that person’s feelings?

[anylolone]

Because I'm quoting what you just said as a reference.

Again, what you are saying is "how my internal world reacted to the joke is more important than how his internal world intended."

[Jamesshinobi]

because women have no sense of humor so you always have to let them know when a joke was told.

[CrazyGirl2]

I doubt that 51% of the population lack any sense of humor! Maybe we just don’t appreciate callous, hurtful things being turned into a joke that WE didn’t get, versus you just made a dumbass comment, and you’re too afraid to admit it, so you claim it’s a Joke?

[Jamesshinobi]

look lady. it was a fucking joke. go bitch at your guy that can't stand you.

[Wassup_King]

Because they seen your reaction to what they said…. so the safe thing to say is I’m just joking.

[CrazyGirl2]

Yes, but if they saw the woman’s reaction to the so-called “joke”, they MUST have seen her reaction to having her pain dismissed as something that should have been funny?
Thanks so much for answering my question.

[jasco]

Because we don't intentionally want to hurt your feelings sometimes.

[CrazyGirl2]

I totally understand that, but why not just apologize and at least let the other person know that you care enough TO apologize?
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.

[jasco]

I honestly see it as a joke so why would I? Why would someone who thinks their right apologize for something that someone else thinks is wrong

[CrazyGirl2]

Because sometimes, making someone else feel better for no reason other than that they are hurting , makes us feel better for having made the gesture! The world does not revolve FOR you, nor does it revolve around you. And it doesn’t matter if you KNOW you are right, sometimes just apologizing for the sole purpose of making another human being feel better can do wonders for your own life, and your mental well-being. BUT… I forgot who I was speaking to, and you don’t care about anything but your own ego!

[jasco]

ok wow the last part was unneeded because you yourself don't know what I could have learnt from having a conversation with you. I could have change and maybe got some better insight to how to better my character so next time, don't be a dick. 2nd I see what your saying and I understand, I will think on your words and see if I can learn something from it. Thank you

[CrazyGirl2]

You’ll forgive me, but when someone writes “ Why would someone who thinks their right apologize for something that someone else thinks is wrong”. That leads me to believe (combined with past statements) that you are just looking out for you. But look, if I’m wrong about that… WOW! That’s amazing, and I’m happy for you.

[jasco]

Ok I am sorry for being an asshole and for my earlier statements as well.

[CrazyGirl2]

No problem hun. Like I said, if you are growing and maturing as a man, that’s a fantastic thing, and I am honestly happy for you! Seriously, great job!

[jasco]

Thank you for giving me more insight into my character. I know I can be selfish but pointing it out helps me become better off

[CrazyGirl2]

You’re very welcome ☺️

[nawtee_me]

to try to make up for their lack of thoughtfulness. Like it will make it better, right? lol

[CrazyGirl2]

Eh? No, not exactly! Ignoring the fact that you hurt someone’s feelings, and suddenly pretending that you were telling a joke, hardly makes up for any thoughtlessness.

[Birdlegs]

Hurtful how? Like being mean or just joking around and you get your feelings hurt? Personally nobody considers me a mean person because everyone knows I joke around a lot.

[CrazyGirl2]

Like saying something that hurt someone’s feelings, and rather than just apologizing, they say “oh, I was only kidding!” That kind of situation.

[Birdlegs]

I say things to intentionally hurt feelings but people know that I’m just joking that’s why I’m confused

[wouterv]

Because most if the time we dint mean the mean think we just playing and joking

[CrazyGirl2]

Right I understand that, but once you’ve realized that your playful jokes actually hurt someone, why wouldn’t you just apologize?
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question.

[wouterv]

Well if someone says that we stop but other wise we think that you can take it and that is a big compliment

[Pinay_ako]

Then be quick enough to give him a comeback. Shots fired 🤣

[Jamie05rhs]

Maybe because they WERE actually joking?

And women always complain when a guy has no personality...

[Jamie05rhs]

I swear, you people always look for the worst in everything.

[Jamie05rhs]

@CrazyGirl2 Oh, nvm. I just saw the thing that you're talking about.

[Bklynbadboy12]

What happened what did he say to you that was hurtful

[CrazyGirl2]

It doesn’t matter, it’s a realistic situation, but I’m not referring to anyone of anything specific.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Okay cool

[Smoothing]

Women are just a bit more sensitive than men. A joke that might be taken lightly by men, could be hurtful to Women. Unfortunately once a woman is hurt, she is hurt.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Because sometimes they are joking by intent... and wanna ensure she knows it's only a joke.. sometimes jokes are bad... same reason women do it.

[CrazyGirl2]

Okay, thanks 🙏🏼

[Marshymallow]

People who say things like that usually mean it. They’re say it’s a joke to cover it up and clear themselves.

[CrazyGirl2]

I agree with you on that!

[did_he_just]

Because most of us find insult humor entertaining, but most of us aren't that funny.

[CrazyGirl2]

Again, very true.

[FinneasWilson]

It's not just guys it's girls as well.


My ex was like that she'd say something really nasty and then say I was only playing, it's not funny it's abuse, you don't say things to hurt people then claim it's a joke.

[Smashingdoozy]

It's a cop out and it's annoying as fuck

[CrazyGirl2]

Yes it is, and YES IT IS!

[ChrisMaster69]

@Smashingdoozy yeah imagine someone saying that they were not serious and only joking 🤦

[UniquelyBasic]

Depends on what you think is hurtful. Many people are really sensitive.

[CrazyGirl2]

The question isn’t about the person who is offended, it’s about the reaction of the one doing the offending. Regardless of how sensitive they person who is offended may be.