He put hands on me. now what?

[NicoleAmy]

Hey y'all! so my kids dad of 7 years put his hands on me. Long story short... he took me on a trip for my bday with all of his friends. We get there and I realized my ID was not in my wallet. It was all downhill from there. His mood was so bad the whole day because we couldnt get into any of the bars or clubs. He guilt tripped me the entire time. When we did make it out to a bar he wouldn't even walk with me. I tried to keep a good attitude but I finally got fed up with his attitude and told him I was just going to call an uber to take me home. I was upset and crying. He told me sit my ass down that we were going to leave in the morning. I told him no i wanted to go home and was looking for a ride and he snapped! he bust through the door and put his hands around my neck and started choking me. I couldnt breathe. i begged him to stop and started crying more and he came back and choked me again. THEN i am in a state of shock. I am just laying there stiff as a board. I am confused, shocked and terrified. he then just takes my pants off has his way with me then goes to sleep. I didn't fight it or even move a muscle or even fight it. Since that day I blocked him and cut him out of my life. didn't even give him a chance to speak. and probably won't. am I doing the right thing? we do have kids but I never want to see his face again. here we are 3 days later and I am still in shock

[hypojoe]

Its gonna be tough to get away from this guy my mother had same kind of problem she ended up moving us 2000 miles away from my dad. If he choked you twice whats stopping him from killing you each time he choked you was a attempt on your life as far as im concerned and it happens all the time if you fear he will do it again you can get a no contact order but a lot of times that makes it worse but if you need to see this dude again have a friend with you or let someone know whats up or if you have a big brother maybe he needs to have a talk with him

[NicoleAmy]

I tried looking for someone to beat his ass. He deserves it. but he is going to feel enough pain when he realizes he lost complete control of me and we are no longer in his life (me & kids). he took me for granted thinking I loved him so much id never leave. well... i am. for good.

[hypojoe]

Good for you

[loveslongnails]

Amy, Amy, Amy.. you keep making the SAME mistake with this guy. Just because he's the father of your kids doesn't mean he's safe to be around for either you, or them. Nor is it necessarily wise to have him in their life, or yours.

WHY do you keep doing it?
Why on EARTH would you agree to go ANYWHERE with him after all the shit he's done to you?

I don't understand for one moment. This was a very bad choice, YOUR bad choice. Thank God you got out of it alive. If I were you, I'd get a restraining order and full custody of your kids if you don't already have that. If the court wants to know why, tell them this story.

[NicoleAmy]

We have been through a rollercoaster. With some really great moments in between like when he took me to vegas. He helps me with so many things financially. I would look past his crap because I allowed his good traits to outweigh the bad. This is something different. He swore he would never do this to me. Put hands on me. He talked so bad about my abusive ex husband. He knows I struggle with PTSD and I am easily triggered. So the fact that he chose violence shocks me. I just can't get over it. I can never forgive him for that. I dont want to see his face ever again.

I wonder if he even feels guilty. He thought I was the girl who would never leave and took me for granted. I hope the guilt eats him alive.

[loveslongnails]

So you keep him around because you have a few good memories, and need the money. Well, alright. If you can deal with the shit to get the money, I guess you have to. I know how hard finances can be with kids.

[NicoleAmy]

No not this time. He is dead to me.

[loveslongnails]

I'm actually glad to hear that.

[JessicaEarl]

So so so sorry to hear that. First thing is to tell someone strong that you trust to take care of you. DO NOT KEEP THIS A SECRET. Then call the police. Protect yourself and your kids. If he can do it to you, he can do it to them. You need to be their mama bear. Don’t let him scare you.

[Agape93]

Uh, you leave. Go to a family member or friends house and tell them the situation and ask to stay for a while, and look for somewhere else far away to live.

[NicoleAmy]

We dont live in the same house. I just do not know what to do about our kids. I do not want to see his face again but the kids...

[Agape93]

Do you still have marks on you? If so, take a picture and go to the courthouse and ask for a restraining order. Once granted, get a lawyer and push for full custody and due to the restraining order, it'll push down his chances of success a bit more.

But definitely leave the area for your own safety, guys like that will kill you.

[SecretsofKB]

You call the police.

[Agape93]

Yeap exactly, she's the sensible one between us

[NicoleAmy]

I really thought he was trying to kill me. thats how it felt. I didn't take pics but the marks are still there

[Agape93]

Take pictures now, and save them for when you go to court and police.

He will kill you in time, I guarantee you that. That's why I'm telling you to get his abuse on record, get a restraining order and fucking run.

[ShadezMcgee]

Well, you need to call the cops and file a report and accuse him of rape. If you didn't take a shower after he did that to you yet, don't so it can save DNA evidence, your clothes you wore would also need to be given to them.

Plus a restraining order on him to protect yourself and your kid. This isn't a game. How long before he touches your kid after he tosses you around again?

[Bklynbadboy12]

Fuck that dump his stupid ass!!! He did all of this cause he couldn't get into some dumb ass bar or club why couldn't he just spend time with you go out to a nice restaurant all he wants to do is go to clubs and bars he's a fuckin lover leave the trash in the trash move on you deserve better

[NicoleAmy]

Yea basically. So pitiful. He sucks

[Bklynbadboy12]

Are you okay

[NicoleAmy]

surprisingly yes. I really am. I have spurts of anger here and there but I haven't spoke to him and I am realizing as each day passes how much more peaceful my life is becoming

[OlderAndWiser]

Why didn't you call the police? Why haven't you filed to get a restraining order against him?

[NicoleAmy]

I didn't call because I was terrified. I did report it yesterday though. He could be facing attempted murder

[OlderAndWiser]

You also need to get a restaining order so he can't approach you OR your children.

[NicoleAmy]

Yea I will do that. definitely. my kids dont have a clue it happened. i just feel so bad for them

[boredgal]

I am so sorry that happened. Yes you are doing the right thing. But incase he does something about you not letting him see his kids you gotta have proof that he's abusive because there is a possibility he'd come after you.

[NYCQuestions1976]

Is this the same guy you've been complaining about for years and years on here? He cheats all the time, right? Why are you still with him?

[NicoleAmy]

Yep. so joke is on me huh? i dont even know to be honest. If I were to be honest with myself I was stuck in a trap. He would tear me down then build me up. The highs always made me ignore the lows. but this man put his hands on me and there is no way in hell I am sticking around.

[NYCQuestions1976]

Yes. You need to move on. Immediately. No more delays. No more excuses. No more reasons. No more saying it to family and friends or chatting about it here on GaG and then doing nothing. Get rid of him. Permanently.

[Jamie05rhs]

Holy shit; wow. I'm sorry that happened to you. :(

You should probably press charges.

[NicoleAmy]

I want to but I have always had a good heart despite what has been done to me. He could be facing 10 years or more for attempted murder. He has a crap ton of kids who rely on him. so for that reason... I didn't. I just chose to leave him in the dust.

[Jamie05rhs]

@NicoleAmy Okay

[juvey]

Wtf you need to report this guy for abuse, did you get yourself checked out? Also did you was ' his way with you ' consensual? Leave me and report him

[NicoleAmy]

I was in a state of shock. I did report him. I was told choking is an attempted murder charge.. pretty serious. and i do have bruises on my cheek, jaw, neck, chest and shoulders from him gripping me. It was absolutely insane

[juvey]

You do realise that even though y'all may have been in a relationship ( i apologise if you were not) he did rape you , after assaulting you , not just attempted murder?

[NicoleAmy]

Yea I debated on that bc I was too scared to tell him no. I just let him

[juvey]

Don't say anything to him go to somewhere you feel safe and get a restraining order on him in the mean time.

[KrisPW]

"Yea I debated on that bc I was too scared to tell him no. I just let him" <-- Still rape.

[Blaine999]

Pursue every damn legal action you can; file a restraining order, charge him with assault, take custody of the kids etc. That is not the kind of man you want your kids to see as a role model.
I'm truly sorry this happened to you luv 😔

[Anonymous]

Leave him immediately before he seriously injures you.

[NicoleAmy]

He never laid a hand on me before in 7 years. It was crazy to see that side of him

[Opinion Owner]

Well that's good.

[Opinion Owner]

If he ever does it again than you are a fool to stay.

[NicoleAmy]

I think I would be a fool to stay even now. If i take him back or forgive him then I am showing him that behavior is acceptable and he will most likely do it again

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with you.

[20yearsolder]

The right thing would have been to call the police and file charges.

[Anonymous]

If you're telling the truth, then yeah, dump his ass.

[Celticwolf78]

Yes sweetheart u did the right thing and I'm so sorry he did that

[pizzalovershouse]

Should of called cops well he was sleep had him arrested for rape

[pizzalovershouse]

An sorry to hear what happened to you I'm here if you need some one to talk to about it you can private message me or just reply to what I said on your post

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

Probably figure out why he put his hands on you and stop doing it.

[JessicaEarl]

Wow what a hero you are

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

@JessicaEarl you’ll thank me when you learn to be a normal person again.

[JessicaEarl]

Yes normal people victim blame

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

@JessicaEarl normal people don’t get hit for no reason. You did something and you probably deserved it.

[loveslongnails]

Let's see. Presuming her story is accurate, she was upset, wanted to go home, was willing to pay for her own Uber. He doesn't want her to, so he bursts in and starts chocking her. Hmmm... Yeah, I'm certain she deserved it for that, huh? His REASON for doing this could simply be that he's fucking crazy and can't control his temper - huh dude? Ever think of that?

"Well your honor - she was being a bitch and wanted to go, so I decided to choke her".

When YOU start thinking normally, let us know.

[DeltaCharlieEcho]

@loveslongnails you’re missing the part where this story is pure bullshit. She’s lying.

[loveslongnails]

And you missed THIS: "Presuming her story is accurate" ... If she's lying, the whole post is a troll. If she's not, I stick by my statement. If you're a human lie detector and can do it accurately via words on the screen, you're wasting your time on GaG !!

[driven159]

should get a restraining order right now does he pay child support

[truthisthree]

dating a waste of time lol

[NicoleAmy]

yep. You think you find a good one then they turn out to be a troll

[truthisthree]

its a waste of time most women and men do not want to date

at this point it is just sex

[NicoleAmy]

yea thats how it seems. most definitely

[Bigjake1019]

Fuck that I’d leave his ass

[NicoleAmy]

Oh I am.

[Bigjake1019]

@NicoleAmy good 👍

[Pterodon]

You call the cops