Why did he suddenly grab my hand ?

[Spangle]

Recently I had to stand waiting for public transport in freezing weather . When the bus finally arrived a guy friend was there so I sat with him . I told him how long I'd been waiting and how cold I was . We chatted for a while , just friendly catching up with somebody I hadn't seen for a while .

He went a bit quiet then took his gloves of and kind of grabbed my hand quickly . He said he was checking if my hands were cold . He said " mmm , freezing " then dropped my hand and carried on talking as if nothing had happened . It felt really unnatural like he had lunged at my hand ( if that makes any sense ) . Plus my hands weren't cold by that point !

He has a girlfriend , though he never talks about her to me . He always talks about himself as if he is single .

I'd be grateful for any opinions on what happened here :)

[workhorse3]

If a guy isn't talking about his girlfriend, it's usually because he doesn't think she's great or he doesn't want to remind you that he's in a relationship. It looks like you guys get touchy feely sometimes and that it's fun. If you told me your hands were cold, I'd definitely think that you were trying to find a way to warm them. I'd lend you my gloves, but if you were a good friend and my hand was warm, I'd use my hand.

[Spangle]

I don't think I've ever touched him at all , not even by accident . I do find him attractive but I'm aware that he isn't available so I keep my hands to myself :) . If he had touched my hand as soon as I had got on the bus , I wouldn't have thought it was strange . He waited for about 10 minutes , took his gloves off then grabbed my hand , squeezed it , then dropped it again .

[workhorse3]

You have a good head on your shoulders, you don't even need our help. See what happens next time he comes along. I admit it's strange, but there's a first for everything. If people who've never touched before never touch, how warm and friendly would the world be?

[Spangle]

Ha ha , I suppose so . He makes life interesting anyway :)

[CuriousEddie]

He's attracted to you, and was mentally challenging himself to reach for your hand for the longest time... and finally decided to do it... and used the temperature as an excuse.

I mean, I'm guessing... but it sounds like something stupid I would do.

[Spangle]

I've had a feeling for a while that he's attracted to me . When we get chatting and laughing he seeems like he "forgets himself" a bit . He sits a bit too close so his leg is touching mine , little touches and nudges etc . All stuff that could be passed off as subconscious or just feeling very comfortable with somebody .

It's the first time he has done something that felt so forced . It felt like he had gone " one ,2,3 HOLD THE HAND " which is why it felt so unnatural .

[Spangle]

To me , taking somebody's hand feels like an intimate thing to do , more of a caring thing than a lusting thing .

[CuriousEddie]

Oh, I agree it wasn't simply lust... that's not the kind of attraction I was referring to here. I think he cares for you, and yes, I probably do think the "1, 2, 3..." countdown could very well have gone on in his head as he summoned the courage to overcome shyness and/or nervousness to reach for your hand.

Can I ask what you did, or are going to do, in response?

[Spangle]

I haven't done anything about it .

He has always lead me to believe that he's single and I had no reason to push him on the subject even though I had my doubts that he was telling the truth . I always thought we were just on friendly terms so although I was curious to know the truth I figured that it was his business what he told me . Recently I saw them together . He saw me so he knows that I know . He still hasn't explained himself . Still never talks about her .

[Spangle]

I don't feel like I can ask him about it . I only see him on the bus and that really doesn't seem like the place for that kind of conversation .

I don't think he's a player . I think that maybe he didn't let me know he know he was in a relationship at first because he liked talking to me and was maybe flattered by the attention , I think maybe he's ended up liking me more than he expected to but he's dug himself into a hole too deep to get out of by misleading me .

It's a big mess really .

[Spangle]

I don't knowingly get involved with men who aren't single . I suppose the best thing to do is stay away from him and let the situation cool down .

[CuriousEddie]

Has he expressed any romantic interest in you before?

[Spangle]

No , not verbally .

Maybe I have the whole thing wrong ?

[Spangle]

i just wondered ... You're in my age group ( unusual on here !) and from your profile , married . Can you imagine from your perspective why a man would act this way ? I mean pretend to be single for several months to the point where it's obviously stressful for him to even try to keep his story straight , but still he tries ! then the hand grabbing incident . I would welcome a male 40 something perspective on this :) Sorry to keep going on about it !

[arashmenalagha]

because he suddenly liked you fool

[Spangle]

That's the first thing I thought . It was just a surprise , especially because he isn't single . He's touched me before tapping me on the leg or nudging me with his arm when he's making a joke or something . That's ambiguous touching , it may or may not mean something , kind of testing the waters . Holding my hand , even quickly felt a lot more intimate and deliberate .