You ever feel like you're not a man?

[snackthatsmilesback]

Not "unmanly" or "feminine." Just not a man at all. I swear every time I look in a mirror, I look almost exactly the same, but it's harder and harder to see myself as a man. And honestly I love it. I'm starting to actually see and like myself finally. People have commented I seem happier—and healthier the past several months. The only problem is they think it's just because I'm a father now, and so I'm starting to feel like an imposter... Everyone obviously still thinks of me as a man, and I *am* a father. I'm a parent. And a spouse. I feel like I've been dishonest to everyone just by going along with it my whole life and now I may be screwing the kid over by trying to be a dad when I don't even know if I can keep "being a man" for very much longer..

I don't know. Partly it feels like all this came out of the blue, but I've known *something* has been wrong for a long time. I just feel like it doesn't have to be like that anymore. It's finally over. I'm just scared what that might mean for our family. Especially when my spouse is already struggling with similar choices and consequences.

[Guy13]

It is frightening to be a Father. What are your Determinate of Manhood. What attributes make up a Man in your mind 🧠

[snackthatsmilesback]

Well that's the confusing part. Every time I try and pin down why I'm a man, it falls over. I'm pretty manly by society standards. But I know plenty of women who are just as manly. And plenty of men who aren't. And if it just comes down to biology, then I have a dick, and nobody else sees it. Well my immediate family, but that's all. It's like DNA between doctor-patient, biology seems mostly a private/family matter in this area. In general, I'm a man only in that I'm not a woman. But that doesn't really mean anything real if you're not the one person I'm fucking. So. Yeah. I'm not a woman. I don't feel like that's the traveling definition tho. People usually mean something important when they say "man."

[snackthatsmilesback]

Fuck I meant to trim that down before replying. Also meant to put this whole thing on anon. TLDR: not a woman, but that doesn't seem to be how people use the word.

[Guy13]

So, you have come to peace with not being a perceived “man’s man” but still acknowledge you are “man enough”… What a damn relief not having to live what you are not. Your child will learn Authenticity. and that’s huge as related to security verse insecurity. 🎉 Biologically and Genetically 🧬 Man but perhaps not stereotypical as related to “societally demanded expression.” Rambling-sorry….

[snackthatsmilesback]

No rambling is fine anyway. You're right. I definitely feel honester and less pressure and everything. It's really nice! But it's all internal. I'd love our kid to grow up with both of us teach secure authenticity.! But things as they are, they'll see a manly man just really insecure in gendered spaces. I still feel like an outsider. Getting out of that space in my head, gave me hope maybe I can get out of it in public as well? Instead of just go along with it uncomfortable half the time. That sounds silly but fuck it would hurt so much less in the long term.

[Guy13]

It sounds awesome and good for you!