I can’t understand if he’s using reverse psychology on me?

[JJm1234]

I’ve been seeing some guy now for almost 9 months. He’s 50 and I’m 28 so there’s obviously a significant age gap there. We get on so well though. The trouble is that I got out of a 7 year relationship and came straight into one with this current guy I’m seeing. At first it was just supposed to be sex. Neither of us knew it was going to be anything more, nor did we plan it to be. It just kind of happened but we’re both okay with that. The past week I’ve been on two nights out. One with my best friend but it was a spur of the moment thing and the other with some girls from work. After both of the nights out he has been saying things to me like ‘you’re young, you should go out’ and ‘you’ll want to be going clubbing next’. He knows I’m not really someone who goes out much, especially drinking. And that going out twice in one week is definitely not something I do, it just happened that way. But his petty comments about it afterwards are what’s annoying me. He’s saying he’s not bothered about me going out and is encouraging it, but why does he need to make a point of it in the first place? He goes out once a week and gets drunk and I don’t make a big deal over it. I keep wondering if it’s insecurity and he thinks I’m going to dump him to start going out more. But then the other part of me feels like it’s reverse psychology where he knows that if he tells me to go out because I’m younger than him and have a lot of life to live I won’t do it in fear of losing him. I keep telling him I’m not arsed about going out and that id rather spend time with him because I prefer it that way but he doesn’t seem to listen. I even tried to include him on the work night out because he knows all the people I work with but it seems like he doesn’t care.. I understand where he’s coming from when he says I got out of one relationship and into another. But none of this was planned and I’ve reassured him multiple times I’m happy and wouldn’t change my life.

Updates

+1 y

I spoke to him about it last night and his response was ‘well I thought I’d give you a break so you can go and have girly time. You’ve never had that before’ so I said to him I wasn’t bothered about girly time (i see my friends a couple of times a month which I’m happy with) and that there’s more to life than going out and getting drunk with friends. I told him I wanted more time with him and no one else. His response to this was ‘good. That’s a good answer’.

[Anonymous]

He’s just being realistic. Why is it different when he goes out drinking? Well, is there really a chance that some woman is going to approach him? Now, is there a chance that some guy will hit on you? Yes. Maybe there’s a good chance, I don’t know.

So yes, you could call it being insecure, but the chances of you meeting someone new and moving on from him are very good. Not so for him. Having sex with a woman nearly half your age doesn’t happen often in a man’s life, if ever.

Why is he telling you to go out? Because on some level he cares about you and your happiness. He wants you to have fun and find a nice guy. He probably wishes he were younger and just wants someone good for you, and part of him knows that it will probably be inevitable. You’ll find someone else, some random guy will hit on you or offer to buy you a drink and you’ll be intrigued and think he’s hot for whatever reason, and that will be that.

Now call me and asshole and block me like everyone else does. Cheers.

[TheorionMage]

Male's innate nascent Nature is to forage for opportunity to copulate and diversify the distribution of their hereditary DNA. Yet, diversity is only long-term rewarded if the progeny SURVIVE to maturity to carry that recombinant DNA yet again foreward. So here's the societal hypocrisy, does one REMAIN paired to improve the odds of survival of the progeny? Or favor 'natural selection' of the most cunning & fittest?

If males cannot 'negotiate' reproductive opportunities... NATURE favors the use of predatory physical coercion.
'Society' promulgates 'carte blanc' protection of its females to favor 'nurturing' ... clearly paradoxical short vs long-term survival agendas. Hence the evolved complex nuanced interactions of 'mating' and conflicting hypocritical modeled behaviors. >: (

[love_conquers_lust]

Whatever the case, just go out, shit. If he’s being a dick, you’ll be glad you spent time with friends. If he’s being sincere, you’ll be glad you spent time with friends. Same outcome regardless of motivation.

[JJm1234]

That’s the thing though. I want to go out with friends when opportunities arise, but i don’t want this kind of response off him every time. Just because I’m younger doesn’t mean I want to go out getting drunk, but I feel like that’s what he’s expecting me to do.

[love_conquers_lust]

I wouldn’t psyche myself out if it were me. You break out of it by just doing what you want regardless of what someone says. Then they learn that crap doesn’t work. But. seriously, 50 years old and playing games? Are you sure?

[spartan55]

You assuming an awful lot here and of course it's the worst. Do you not feel like you should talk to him about it? I still don't really understand what the issue is.

[boggboss]

How about speaking to him before assuming bad intent lol

[JJm1234]

I have spiked to him about it. Like I said, I’ve reassured him before that I’m happy with my life the way it is and that I don’t want to go out all the time.

[boggboss]

Thats not speaking to him because u still have not confirmed if he actually has a issue or not u are assuming he does because of somthing he said which could be a normal comment

[fonduegirl]

Tell him you're an introvert