Guys, why does he act this way toward me and what do you think it means?

[Anonymous]

there's this friend who i have only hung out with 4-6 times either in a group or alone and last time we hung out we had sex. 3 years later we started flirting and i went over to his and he seemed all puppy eyed trying to kiss me and when we did kiss he was passionate and offered to go down on me, or each other. because i told him i wanted some fun but said i wasn't promising anything tho. go with the flow
he seems attracted to me.. but he's hot and cold toward me. Mainly on text, especially if he's with other people. in person we're keeping things secret so he's obviously less expressive.
but it's really hard to read him and i just don't feel that much... from his side. it's hard to actually know if he's attracted

or not attracted and just wants sex and because of that he doesn't make effort. i just can't stand the thought of sleeping with someone who isn't attracted to me as i am them. what's everyones take on this?

Updates

1 y

If you have any questions feel free to ask

[hafinjun]

Let me make sure I understand this they only calls you when he gets horny three years after you have sex , I don't think it's any deep feeling he has for you.

[Asker]

no he doesn't call. he doesn't hardly text me at all he'd rather me reach out. we haven't had sex in years because back then i had feelings for him.. fast-forward to present day i rid myself of those feelings but I'M horny and wouldn't mind some fun now and again. he seems attracted, especially the way he caresses me while kissing me... but on the other hand... it's like he isn't attracted.

i'm just wondering can guys be hot and cold towards women they're attracted to or do they only do that to the ones they're not.

[hafinjun]

I don't know , sounds like a bad place to turn for fun to me, if you can hold your course and keep it as a booty call only, might be ok, but don't get attached he'll use you until he finds another, at which point he'll stop answering your calls. aT least that's my opinion.

[Asker]

oh i know. i already know that he's not into me.. what im wondering is if he's ATTRACTED to me.
can a guy act hot and cold towards someone he finds attractive, has friends with benefits with?

he says he hasn't had much experience with women but when he meets particular women he becomes elated almost. like a peacock showing off it's feathers.
i just can't shake the feeling he's not actually attracted to me but desperate or it's an ego boost.
if however guys can treat girls they're attracted to in a hot and cold way.. then fair dos.

i just want someone to be as attracted to me as i feel about them if we're actually going to have a friends with benefits type relationship. otherwise whats the point.

[hafinjun]

Not to be crude, and certainly no insult is meant to you, are you familiar with the old saying, "any port in a storm"?

[Asker]

nope but i can guess what it means. that he's not attracted he just see's me as a hole.

i would of thought if he just wanted sex he would skip to that, not offer to go down on me and passionately caress me and stare me in the eyes before, during and after making out.
men.

[hafinjun]

I not sure what you mean by that, I go down on wen because it's a source of mutual pleasure, has nothing to do with my long term feelings, if we're having sex,😁, your getting eaten