Guys, My preference is impossible to find?

[CocoaMocha]

I'm just looking for ONE within reasonable proximity of my location that actually aspires for the same as me.. but I'm concluding that it's an ultimate rare find. So.. I'm posting this so that the rest of them from the rest of the world can give me input as to why my preference is hard to find especially when it comes to finding one with the same goals and who is also ready for those goals. So I'm very attracted to pretty boy white guys, especially the ones that look like hockey players or skateboarders.. don't know why but I've always thought they were the bees knees. To add more context to this, I am a black woman. Growing up crushing on these guys was the hardest.. I was always who they bullied never who they liked.. not even as a friend. So after a couple of times of being rejected by them as kids.. I just kept my interest in them to myself and would admire from afar instead. It never helped that they told me they didn't like black girls even if I never told them or showed them that I liked them. I would just avoid them for a decade until this summer.. when I swallowed my pride and my fear and approached one.. we hooked up and I could instantly see why these guys are hyped up 😏 but it was very unfullfilling when it came to trying to be friendly and conversate/socialize with them. I seem to keep getting the ones just fresh out of a relationship with the usual type of woman that they date and marry which is mostly non-black generic/conventionally pretty women or average heavier set women that burned him.. so I'm getting them at an emotionally unavailable point almost everytime. I've noticed that the kind of woman they usually go far is actually given the opportunity to even just be a friend. I guess I just want to know why only some types of women are given the chance to even just be a friend and why others are brushed aside.. whether a one night stand took place or not?

Updates

1 y

Okay, so I should have clarified somethings and made disclaimers that's a my bad. So first off, it's not a skin colour thing, I guess more of a demographic thing.. I live in a suburban-rural town so a lot of these guys I described live in these areas too.

Updates

1 y

I suppose I am being a little picky, now. The father of my children is the complete opposite of the guy I described, he's a metal head.. but I was so attracted to him when we met. So I have been open minded, I'm just trying new things.. I don't know if I mentioned that I didn't go for my preference until this year.

[caring__1]

You question why only some types of women are given the chance, yet aren't you also limiting who you give a chance to? Everyone has preferences. Just as you want others to respect your preferences, it's important to respect theirs, also.

I understand a particular look is attractive to you, but look at the whole picture. What I'm drawn to in women is not what society promotes as ideal, so most women who have the looks I'm drawn to feel inadequate and defective. It's challenging to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't see the value you see in that person.

You may want to expand on what you're open to. Is it just the color of their skin, or are there behavioral patterns you're drawn to? If you're drawn to behavioral patterns, just look for those patterns in people, no matter what color they are. If it's just the color of their skin, you'll probably attract guys who are only interested in you for the color of your skin, also. Do you want to be desired for the color of your skin or for what's beneath that skin?

[CocoaMocha]

No shade or anything but this whole post is in response to the attraction aspect of things and no answer was given when it comes to the personality part and why friendly conversation/banter or friendship altogether is seemingly always out of the question. I have been expanding who I am attracted to, I only just this summer started going for my preference.

[CocoaMocha]

Also, I did mention that it took me a decade to go for my preference.. during this decade I have been being open minded.

[caring__1]

I can relate to you wanting someone local. I live on a farm in the country, so I'm unlikely to connect with city folk.
Rather than focus on dating, you may just want to put yourself out there, so people in general can see you in action. Get involved with volunteer work, or join an organization that promotes a cause you believe in. Take on a role of responsibility, so they can see how you interact. If you're looking for personality and communication, you're more likely to find those with these activities rather than choosing someone who just hangs out on the street or the hockey rink. Ask yourself what specifically you're looking for, and then discover where these types of people associate. Make sure you have a clear understanding of your priorities, so you don't just find yourself connecting with those who look a certain way. It's important people see you as open to a variety of types rather than a specific type, but get to know them in a group setting rather than one-on-one. In time, someone will rise out of the crowd.

[MCheetah]

I'm going to be honest here. If you're a black female looking for a (girly) white guy, then you're going to have to be EXTRA classy and dignified. If there's even an ounce of ghetto coming from you, then they would all say it's a hard pass.

And having a username like "CocoaMocha" is kind of a red flag. Like you do all the stereotypical "ghetto girl" things and try to spin it off as "black pride," like having nappy hair, not shaving, and being angry and belligerent and calling it "not putting up with bullsh*t" even though it's just aggression and b*tchniness and nothing more. I'm not even a skinny effeminate white boy and I'm getting these warning signs from you.

And it's not that men don't like black women; it's just that black women have the highest number of ghetto/trashy women in their group (with Asian women having the lowest). Again, I'm just keeping it real. No man wants a trashy woman regardless of race, and a lot of black girls who chase white guys (especially for their money) tend to be gold diggers like this.

If you're a smart, educated, well behaved black woman, then that's fine and you'll do well. But hell, I can't even find a smart, educated woman of ANY race who's still single nowadays! That's like a drop of oil in the Pacific ocean.

[FilmGuy93]

Men in the "manosphere" have a saying that I think applies to interactions like the ones you're having; "she's not mine, it's just my turn."

Those men have the luxury of getting lots of girls. What I'm trying to say is that all of those other girls are getting used just the same as you.

[Avicenna]

The narrower your preference, the harder it is to find someone. But keep approaching guys you like.

[CocoaMocha]

Thanks. I haven't shut out everyone else that isn't my preference.. I did mention it took me a decade to finally go for my preference. During that decade and even still I have been open minded.

[Hanrej]

Because men arn't objects available at equal rate for any woman. They have their own preferances and frankly why are you drawn to men who have flatout told you they have no interest in black women?

[JamesDiaz11]

As a single mom, a single black woman, you're probably not going to get one of these guys.

[Anonymous]

No need to read past the first the first preference you made. You're going to have an uphill battle hun. Good luck! 🤣

[Guy13]

Good luck in your search. California…

[CocoaMocha]

Thanks!

[Guy13]

You probably need the Midwest or Eastern/Western coastline. In general, where are you located?

[In_Trance]

You're too picky

[CocoaMocha]

I did mention it took me a decade to go for my preference. Perhaps I should have further explained that during this whole decade I've been open with who I've liked.