My boyfriend woke up as I was still awake (i don’t think he knew I was on my side facing away from ) taking my pants off and entering me is this okay?

[Anonymous]

i was facing away from my boyfriend, i couldn’t fall asleep. he was in a deep sleep - or so i thought; he was snoring loud and breathing heavy. all of a sudden his hand aggressively comes to my waist and he pulls me close and i can’t help but let out a gasp because of the unexpectedness. he then proceeds to take my shorts and panties off before i could even process what was happening. he was undressed as soon as i could finally understand what was happening and he pulled me by the waist again - unbelievable how he could wake up from such a deep sleep to this? all of a sudden he’s inside of me and he is fucking very aggressive and it hurts, i’m still in shock and can’t process what is going on as he’s going crazy. i remember trying to pull away because it was too much and he grabs my arm and hip and doesn’t let me go, (granted he’s a strong man 210 of pure muscle) at 6’1 and me being 5’4 at 120 pounds, i don’t know if he meant to restrain me in that manner/context. i couldn’t form a complete sentence because i couldn’t do anything but scream/moan in pain. so i push my hand on his hips from behind me and push as hard as i can but this just makes him pull me in even closer ( granted this is the first time he’s ever done this and sure we’ve never discussed things like this before) is this okay? or wrong? also, recently each morning he strips me in my sleep, this i don’t have an issue with, and i can now embrace and expect what is going to happen even if i don’t want it - each time i try to tell him to slow down he just forces me to not be able to get out or “escape” only once i have told him he hurts me when this happens and he seems almost prideful about it - happy - so i shut up because i don’t want to upset him in any way. but is this something serious i should urgently address or is this normal for you guys/men

Updates

1 y

hi thankyou for replying. i’m not ok about it, but i’m just scared of bringing it up and making him angry because he’s very explosive when he is. i appreciate the help though. i’ll be ok. i’ll figure everything out. i really don’t like it but when i bring it up he ignores my pain and goes to feeling prideful almost and callous at the same time. I don't know. i’ll be ok tho. i just don’t feel that lover or safe anymore how he used to treat me.

[quaranta]

You are being victim of rape and psychological violence. I'm sorry to be blunt but you have been textbook raped by him and are scared of his physical explosive violence (which translates in a threat, and his prideful manners just add to make it a full psychological violence). This would be called rape even if you were married from 10 years, it doesn't matter that you are his girlfriend or not, rape is exactly what happened to you: sex assault without consent.
The fact you accept he strips you in early morning while sleeping and you don't like it, should be stopped instantly, instead you let it go and this just teaches him that he can do whatever he wants because it's okay for you. You are literally teaching him that's okay, for you, without any downside, that he traps you under fear. You didn't even bring up the rape, while of course he was completely conscious he was raping you, it's not like he was sleeping or so drunk he couldn't even remember his name, you said you were screaming and moaning for the pain and that's more than enough to make him worry and be completely "awake" about that.
The more you allow this, the more he will continue. A "boyfriend" who rapes his girlfriend, has 0 consideration for her wills regarding her own body, has 0 consideration for how she feels, doesn't care about giving her pleasure, and is aggressive when angry, is objectively a dangerous person and won't change anytime soon. The fact he hurt you physically and doesn't even hide himself in a corner for the shame, means that his physical violence can, anytime and very easily, shift to something else (punching you etc).
You are in a progressive danger there and this is not what a relationship is supposed to give you, by far. A boyfriend should make you feel loved, respected, comfortable, cozy, beautiful, protected and safe. This is a totally realistic expectation to have, and girls do get boyfriends who make them feel like that. None of these boxes are checked in your situation instead.
You don't need to say "I'll be ok", you have 200% the right to not be ok for all the time you want, even years. The last thing you should do is to shut down those rests of self-respect you still have for yourself that at least make you still wonder if this is ok or not.
You should absolutely seek help in a center for women who are victim of violence, search from groups on Facebook until you find indications, they are used to hear stories like this and this is what they are for. Then you set up your mind to leave him as fast as possible, with all the precaution: from tomorrow, start to remove all your items from his house, silently, and tell any friend about this and warn them you are at his place every time you go. When you are done with moving stuff away, you leave him, by text, or by simply disappearing and blocking any way to contact you back, and make sure to be always guarded by your friends anywhere you go, possibly staying hosted to their houses when he stalks you or threatens you on the street (almost granted he will). You need the support of other people to stay prepared for the worst. Meanwhile you report this to the police and if he will stalk or threaten you, you will be ready to give proof of that.
You cannot stay anywhere physically close to him, for your safety, don't hope he will "understand" or stop, he will only abuse of you the most he can if you stay there.
What could be worse than this? What do you wait to happen to say "it's too much"? You got already physical violence, do you want to reach the hospital the next time? The premises are all there to receive heavier violence any time soon.
And remember that this situation is extremely far away from what a normal relationship is, so don't think this is "normal" or acceptable by any means. Very hardly any of your next boyfriends will get even close to this level of violence and lack of respect.

[shesrad]

this is not normal. you realize you are being raped right? doesn't matter if you are in a relationship or now, if you do not have a pre existing understanding that its ok, what he is doing is forceable rape. tell a family member what is going on, before it gets worse? how do you know he hasn't done it before to anyone else?

[TroyDT]

Coercion/ force and lack of consent. There is no question what is happening.

[Anonymous]

Its ok as long as you are ok with it. How did it make you feel?

[HelloImGoodThanks]

That's not okay and you can tell from her post she wasn't okay. He basically raped her

[Asker]

@HelloImGoodThanks

[NotTacocaT6969]

That’s for you to decide.


Are you ok with him assuming he always has your consent even when you’re not conscious?

[Anonymous]

Did you at anytime tell him to stop? Technically what he done was rape you

[Opinion Owner]

Do not stay with this guy. Get out of the relationship. Report what happened to this police. Seriously leave him do not stay with him

[sicosico]

Depends on whether u asked him to stop or not, did you enjoy it or not.

[caposdoll]

If you asked him or showed him you didn’t want it and he kept on going it’s rape.

[Guy13]

I guess so. Personal preference ⁉️🤷🏻‍♂️