How do I respect his boundaries when it comes to his depression?

[Anonymous]

This guy I’ve been talking to for a few months suffers from depression and anxiety. He gets into moods sometimes where he feels really down and he isolates himself. He doesn’t talk or text and just keeps to himself.

I also have depression and anxiety but I’m the opposite. I want to have someone baby me and someone to talk to when I’m feeling down.

I do not want to over step by reaching out to him and asking him what’s wrong etc but I of course over think it when I don’t hear from him. Should I just give him his space and wait until he reaches out to me? I don’t want him to think I don’t care by not sending him a text or something but I also don’t want to bother him if he doesn’t want to be bothered.

[Anonymous]

I understand self-isolating. I do it frequently. Really all you can do is give the person space while still staying in touch with them. I know that sounds contradictory, but when you text don’t ask things like “what’re you doing today” or “are you going to go do X today?” You don’t want to make them feel pressured to do something, or obligated to do something. Unfortunately often with depression and anxiety we just decide to say “fuck it” and just stay inside. We don’t want to think about the things we have to do, or be reminded that we may not be good enough to do those things. Texting can turn into nagging, or rather feel like the other person is nagging you. Keep things light, with no obligation or pressure. Make invitations to hang out or do whatever, but tell them there is no pressure and if they don’t feel like it it’s cool.

[Asker]

We had plans to hang out on a Saturday and then he just never contacted me. We had a simple GoodMorning text and that was it. We don’t see each other often cuz we’re a little long distance. Should I just give him space and he’ll contact me when he wants to?

[Googlemyahoo]

Why are you depressed and anxious did you escape the Ukraine? Suffer human trafficking?

[Asker]

There’s a lot of reasons to be depressed but thanks smart ass