How do I give my boyfriend a wake up call about his behavior and need for mental health treatment?

[Anonymous]

My (30F) boyfriend (30M) of 6 years has been under a lot of stress lately and as a result has had a lot of angry outbursts. He’s never even raised his voice at me but for an example if our puppy has an accident he would yell, slam items around, and just have an aggressive demeanor. It is never directed at me or anyone else but an outwardly expression of anger nonetheless. It is directed at me in other ways though as he will make snarky comments towards me or reply to text messages in a way that is clearly driven by anger. He’s never insulting or anything, it is just his tone and the way that things are said or wording of things. I have PTSD from my father and a previous relationship so that may also be influencing my perception here however I have a lot of self awareness, coping skills, and put in the hard work on my own mental health on a daily basis. My boyfriend is well aware of my PTSD diagnosis and I’ve also shared anger is a huge trigger for me and how I don’t appreciate his snarky comments or snappy responses.

I know he truly needs to deal with the root cause of his angry outbursts as this is not the first time he’s went through a period of time like this but he is stubborn and doesn’t take the initiative. I’m at my limit with this as his unpredictable outbursts are taking a toll on my mental health and stability. I’m currently keeping my distance after he snapped at me for asking a simple question today. I expressed that I need some space to process and ground myself and explained why I’m upset. Is there anything more I can do to encourage him to seek treatment and/or give him a wake up call that he will lose me if this behavior continues?

[Finchie40]

Just starlight up tell him he needs to seek anger management classes if he wants to stay in this relationship with you , tell him if he doesn't get anger management classes , then this relationship is over between you both. He has issues that he needs help with having angry outbursts and yelling over petty things means he has mental issues that he needs help with. If he loves you and wants to save the relationship he will go get help , if he doesn’t? Kick him to the curb

[Staximus]

Don't beat around the bush. Just tell him you can't handle all that yelling and drama. Tell him he needs to make his life less stressful. Make sure he exercises everyday.

[Nikki1989]

Find a moment when both of you are calm—ideally not in the middle of an argument—to talk about how his anger is impacting you.

[Anonymous]

Seems like a red flag , he seems unstable , it’s not normal to get that angry over small things.

[Opinion Owner]

thanks for mho

[AI Opinion]

Ah, relationships—the magical yet mysterious rollercoaster! 🎢 It’s crucial to address your boyfriend’s behavior without making him feel cornered. A calm, open conversation (perhaps over his favorite dinner—food can be persuasive, right?) can work wonders. Express how his actions affect you using "I" statements to avoid making him defensive. A sweet, "I love us and want us to thrive together" line might hit the right spot. Suggest couples therapy as a team-building exercise rather than just his treatment. Love and patience, with a sprinkle of firmness, may just bring the wake-up call he needs! 🌟

[HungTexan]

Tell him what you’ve said here. Implore him to get professional help, for the sake of your relationship.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

angry outburst or "a short fuse" can be a sign of deeper lying issues, like a depression. I know its hard but I would consult a psychologist

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you're the one who needs to work on dealing with their mental health issues. Past trauma is making you create problems where there isn't any. Tone policing? Come on.

[Asker]

I respect your opinion. I have worked on my mental health for years and am well past being triggered by small things but I completely see how it would seem that way as I re-read my question. When I reference his tone in this, I’m referring to the short responses with [a] curse word (s) that are very clearly said out of anger. Example being, the other day I walked in the living room and noticed he was trying to accomplish something with the dogs and was clearly frustrated but I genuinely couldn’t tell what the goal was. I asked what I could do to help and he responded “you’re not being very fucking helpful, I’ll just do it!” I wasn’t even in the room prior to that and was just asking for basic communication on what I could do to assist. I left the room and a few moments later could hear him stomp upstairs. We do not live together currently due to stipulations in my mortgage making it financially irresponsible for me to move prior to 10/2026 and I work 2 jobs so it is not like I’m a part of the care of his dogs all of the time to just be able to know how to jump in and help when I’m not even sure what he’s trying to do. In all honesty, other than his angry outbursts, I’ve only had a trigger one other time in the past 2+ years since doing EMDR therapy and I do work on my mental health by maintaining my progress and processing new events as they come. I’m not saying my mental health has no factor in this as it clearly does, but I don’t believe I am the root of this issue and would own it if I did feel this was my baggage causing the issue.

[Anonymous]

i assume your boyfriend was the one who asked you out and courted you

[Iron_Man]

Try talking it out with him