He’s best described as Jekyll & Hyde. He will be overly loving and caring one day. Then the next visibly upset, won’t talk to me, and seems very irritated by my existence. Then sometimes a day or 2 later he is perfectly fine again. He will sometimes say that it’s life he is upset about, something small I have done (like leave a spoon to mix my coffee on the tray), or he is tired. It never seems to really make much sense. He is also constantly convinced I’m cheating or being secretive. His examples if you ask would be im spending more hours at the office, but the reality is I’m spending at least an hour less a day in the office because he was getting so upset. Now I leave early and finish at home. At this point it just feels like he wants to hate me or be upset with me. When I try to understand he says things that aren’t true. When I try to talk to my friends because I feel crazy they think he has serious issues and I’m his punching bag. I have quite a few examples of behavior that I can’t rationalize or understand. Like he will sit on his phone while I make dinner and clean up. As soon as I sit down to eat if I touch my phone he’ll make a comment how my attention is to everything but him. But when I try to give him my undivided attention he finds me annoying. Very confused girl over here.
Does my boyfriend have mental issues?
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1Opinion
I'm no doctor. But 100% yes. For sure he has some mental health issues.
I am not even going to guess at "what might be going on" in terms of a diagnosis speculation. I see a whole lot of very obvious symptoms. There is no question that something is going on. And it is something rather serious (insofar as it seems to affect most aspects of his day-to-day life).
But... you know this... already. You realize that these behaviors are not normal. The things you're describing are NOT typical or usual relationship difficulties. Not at all. Their nature seems to be untethered from reality. (spending less time not more at the office, not understanding the clear context of commenting about you using the phone and your attention).
I don't know if you're his 'punching bag' or not. I'm more inclined to think that you're giving him the benefit-of-the-doubt over and over and over... which results in you putting up with his mood swings, and completely baseless anger, annoyance.
You aren't overthinking this.
This guy cannot have a relationship unless he gets help. WHat you are putting up with right now is not sustainable. It's not healthy for it to be sustainable. It's not ok to have a boyfriend who doesn't talk to you for 2 days because you left a spoon on the tray. That's abusive. But unlike most abusive situations, I think that he is legitimately unaware that his reactions and thinking are abusive (the constant cheating accusations is another hallmark of abuse... but it's different if someone is: genuinely suffering from some 'paranoia-based' mental health problem, or if someone is a controlling jealous asshole who doesn't trust his girlfriend)
EIther way. You cannot continue on with this relationship as it is. If you cannot admit that to yourself, then that's a problem. That's a big problem. Because anyone should be able to see that what you're putting up with, is not; rational, not fair, and it's abusive. Even if it lacks the usual intent.
This guy definitely needs some sort of mental-health assessment. The problem is: He would have to agree to do it totally voluntarily. There is nothing you (or anyone) can do to 'get him help' aside from trying to convince him to agree to see a mental health professional. Nobody can make him. But if he's not willing, than this is only going to get worse. And that might very well end up in a pretty scary place for you.
He needs professional help. YOU NEED him to get professional help. Otherwise, it's dangerous for YOUR mental health to continue in a relationship with him if he is unwilling to agree to get help.
If anything, you are UNDERTHINKING this. Best of Luck 🙂