My fiancé is delusional about money and goals and I don’t know what to do?

[Anonymous]

He’s a few years younger than me and he hasn’t really had a whole lot of life experience in the same way that I have.

We have so much to save for including our first home, a wedding and new car.
I earn a bit more than him so I am saving better and doing quite well but I am quite realistic about things too and what we will be able to afford. I am saving more than him right now.

He seems to have all these grandiose ideas about what we will be able to afford and do and when I ask how he will be able to do those things (because he isn’t proactively doing courses or anything like that) he just shrugs it off. I’ve found it quite frustrating. Mostly because I think he’s a bit lazy but a big “dreamer”.

He sent me this message and I felt slightly annoyed so I’m not sure how to react… I’m angry because I’m well on my way to having double the savings he will.

[CA4444]

That would be such a turn off to me, I have no clue what I would do tbh, it would piss me off tremendously. Perhaps consider a serious conversation on how it would impact you and your future and your kids if you want any, or what your limits/expectations are in terms of money. My two ex boyfriends were like that, except they were dreaming of being rock stars basically and one of my best friends is like that too. The ‘burden’ of being realistic falls on you, you become the ‘man’ of the household which is horrible in my opinion and you also take the blame for not ‘believing’ in them (even if they don’t really care since they believe in themselves so much, unlike a normal person who would have reasonable and very much needed fears of failure). Ironically they have a bit of a low opinion of you as you are not able to ‘dream’ big like them…

And I am optimistic, there are many successful musicians and millionaires out there and it is definitely possible to achieve , and I have ambition myself, however I can also recognize a childish dream I think.
Sorry for the harsh words and best of luck.

[Asker]

He thinks he’s going to be a rock star too! I read this and it just summed everything up perfectly.
I’m far more successful than him in every way. Money and profession. I don’t go around saying how I’m going to be the next Oprah or something though. I’m doing pretty well as it is and I believe what’s for you is for you.

Funny thing is, he’s got all these big ideas but when I say ok well what are you doing about it to make it happen he has no reply. Like because he’s not doing anything. Im just saving my money in my own account and contributing to our life in only the same amount he does. Im nobody’s fool 😂

[Asker]

If I said anything then like you say, he’d just accuse me of being negative and that comment you said about having a low opinion because you don’t dream big. Wow! Spot on

[CA4444]

Yeah I completely get it… first I was just turned off by the fact that my ex didn’t even have a job at some point, and didn’t seem to care at all, and was not even independent financially, still asking money form his parents. I couldn’t and still can’t respect him as a man tbh… because making money is such a core thing in life for both men and women but even more so for men and he is still a child. He was not even ashamed of anything, like he didn't get it at all. For me he is barely a man and he would not take his responsibilities in the household. And like you I was actually much more successful than him objectively, I was just very unconfident in myself, I have a good degree and a good job, he hasn’t studied and barely had a job (and was even getting FIRED for not even doing it!!) and I was still the stupid one in the couple he was even staying it to me. And we’ll j was stupid to believe him. He was so stupid honestly. I also think his parents fucked him up completely. I stayed with him 4 years and I regret it and I despise him completely… I was almost serious with him at some point but I was delusional I think, and this thing about money/jobs was a real turn off from start to finish….

[LazerBean]

LMAO he sounds like that one idiot kid here in G@g.

But on to the answer. If you don't want to put up with this same exact stupid shit for the rest of your life, dump him. Because there's no guarantee he will grow out of it, and it's actually way more likely that he will never change.

[Asker]

Yeah I am hoping he’ll grow out of it lol. It is stupid! We have great potential tbh but I’m living for the here and now. As Oprah says, what’s the next right move. He’s just a dreamer. Don’t want to crush his dreams but wish he’d be more realistic

[CA4444]

Yeah don’t be too hopeful thsi is likely deep seated and he may never change…

[LazerBean]

@CA4444 is correct

[Guy13]

He will learn the hard way. This is life. Be there for the disappointment !!

[KrakenAttackin]

So you are settling for the beta you could get.

[Asker]

He’s a good and loving person it’s just that I don’t know how to deal with this aspect that I do find annoying