How do I deal with having a man who's obsessed with money?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend aren't rich my any means but he comes from a lot more of a richer family then mind but he's still extremely hard working and has this dream of becoming a millionaire which I think most of us do but my boyfriend is actually convinced he will be a millionaire by time he's 50. He currently turning 30 in May.

I don't necessarily think he won't have his dream come true it's just I don't want him to be disappointed in life if it doesn't happen for him. As someone who's grown up in a poorish family I've seen how people who work hard in the UK don't always see the end results out of it due to the government and big business taking advantage of anyone who wants to do well in life but doesn't have the class system to help them along with it.

My boyfriend is working two jobs. He runs is own gardening business with his brother in law and stister and works in a supermarket at nights.

He's always taking over time to which means I barely see him as I work full time.

He also says if we get married he wants me to sign a prenuptial agreement as he doesn't want me taking the money he's worked for which I accept because I love him but it does piss me off a little because it's like he doesn't trust me and personally when I think of marriage I think of two people sharing everything with each other as one.

He gets mad at me if I even take one day off work because he's constantly got money on the brain. I just think he could get hit by a bus tomorrow and what would all that money he's worked for and saved count for. Sometimes money isn't the most important thing in life and you have to start living because if you keep chasing money you'll never get to the point where you can actually enjoy it.

Also he is due to inherit a lot once his grandparents pass and he always refers to it as " my money" whenever I suggest what he should do with it yet tells his mother what should do with her part of her inheritance

Updates

1 y

He just wants to put all his inheritance into savings which I think is a really bad idea personally because by time he gets this money we will probably be settled into a house with a family and other things become a priority but he says it's his money so I should keep my nose out. Yet if he puts into savings half of it will end up being the bank's and governments money as well

[MrOracle]

You picked an ambitious man to be with - this is how ambitious men are. Do you think Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos didn't work 100 hours a week or more for a long time getting things going? Hell, Elon is still doing that today, even though he's the richest man on the planet - but he's not doing it for money, so that's a bit different.

Anyway, it's quite likely that you'd live a very comfortable life with this man, but at the cost of him being at work a lot especially over the next 10 years. Is the sacrifice worth it? Only you can decide that. What's the alternative? You could be with a less ambitious man who is happy to work 40 hours a week, but that guys' income is likely to be limited, and you might struggle with money and might not have a great house or travel vacations - but he'd be home to spend time with you a lot more often.

What you really need to accept is that you can't have both - you need to make a choice, and you need to understand that you are choosing a whole package. The ambitious guy package means good money is almost inevitable, but so is him being a workaholic. The "normal guy" package means a man with more time but probably a lot less money.

There's no right answer - either way has benefits and sacrifices. You can't have all the benefits and none of the sacrifices; that's not how life works. You have to make a choice.

[WindAtMyBack]

It sounds like he might a *little* too much into money, but it is far from an obsession. It sounds like he's actually being responsible. What he's doing is fairly normal, and is a proven route to a decent retirement. If you come from a poor family, a million by 50 might seem like a lot. But that's not a huge amount of money. It's easily attainable for anyone with a moderately good job who saves.

The goal of a 30 year old SHOULD be to save a million. That's just normal retirement money for one person. It's not enough to go nuts with spending. It's just enough to get by in retirement without having to worry too much. But it's a small enough amount that he would still need to be careful with it. If you are included, that much money isn't even a safe retirement saving for two people.

I think you just don't understand finances and what it takes to retire. He's not saving for a luxurious lifestyle. He just wants retirement money without having to worry about every penny when he gets older. Bottom line is that he's doing the right thing. He's using a proven method that has worked for millions and millions of people. It's pretty standard.

"He just wants to put all his inheritance into savings"

That's exactly what he SHOULD do. It would be irresponsible to do otherwise. Let the money work and grow.

[WaterIsland]

First of all, good for him for being ambitious. I wouldn’t worry too much about him being disappointed if he doesn’t reach his goal. He has his mind set, and he’s committed to working hard for it. So I wouldn’t worry about that aspect.


That being said. He NEEDS to find balance in his life. You’re absolutely right. What’s the point in having money if you can’t enjoy life.


The whole idea of a prenup is also scary. The ONLY time a prenup should be used is if someone already has a TON of money. That doesn’t sound like the case here. His grandparents money isn’t his money. His parents money isn’t his money. He needs to drop the ego and get over himself. In any marriage both people make sacrifices. If you decide you’re ok with him working that much, that is a sacrifice you make. Then if hypothetically he decides to end things, he doesn’t think you should share in the benefits of that sacrifice? Come on dude… get over yourself.


Good for him for being ambitious and having a good work ethic. But his ego and tunnel vision is really really awful, and not something I’d personally put up with.

[Friendlybro79]

If you're not happy with your boyfriend for being responsible financially then it's possible you don't know what it takes to survive today and by the time your generation is ready to retire. You will need way more than a million by retirement. This is just facts. You'll have time to take off every now and then.

[rabbitzzz]

You don't make money by working hard, its in luck. And maybe some smarts. Health is real money, time is more important than money, and he is got you which is priceless.

Visit cemetery sometimes. I know it might sound morbid. But that's where we are all gonna end up anyways. My philosophy is yes we need money to pay bills etc. But if we arn't also enjoying the ride what's the point of it. It's not like I can go hiking in the mountains when I am 50.

[OfMiceandMen]

He should invest the inheritance rather than put it in the bank, make his money work for him. Try to shelter it from taxes as much as possible.

[OfMiceandMen]

I couldn't be with someone that is so money hungry they forget about others. Money is a requirement in life, but putting it above all else, especially loved ones is poor life in my books. If their love of money supersedes everything else, they can have at it. Money is just a means of doing/owning things, you can't take it when you die and your likely busting your hump so other family members are able to spend it when you give it to them.

[Asker]

That's what I think he should too. We've just bought a house together and I said why not put the money towards paying the mortgage but he says it's his money and we own the house together so why would he pay off the mortgage with just his money.

Also I don't think he appreciate how difficult my job is and how hard I also work just because I only have one job and might finish a hour or two early sometimes he sees me as lazy.

I booked two weeks for this week because I thought we'd be going on holiday but then we bought the house so we can't really afford to now but he's saying we might go away for the next two years now. So now I'm spending two weeks by myself whilst he's doing overtime. I thought at least it will be nice to spend some time with my boyfriend whilst I'm off but he put money before me as perusal. I'm trying to be understanding about it but I'm slightly pissed off because that's 2 weeks hoilday wasted that I'm not getting back

[OfMiceandMen]

For sure, he should calculate the interest that he would save on paying off the house, it might change his tune. He seems to be in it for himself and not really in the relationship. If he only looks at how it can benefit him, you may be better off on your own.

[exitseven]

One of the biggest things married people fight about is money. It sounds like if you get married this will be what you have to look forward to.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Your mentality is a cancer on his success, let him be.

[Hardworkingguy]

Well I did the best way to deal with someone who only cares about making money and nothing else is to move on and try to find someone else

[Anonymous]

Dump him... for his sake

Money men do better single unless they are dating a wealthy mindset partner and have similar associates

[Zayed_]

If he told you that he wants to marry you would you accept?

[Fuentes]

If he's about money you gotta respect it 💰 money is the key to everything.

[Mayo503]

It’s not all about money ….

[Jamie05rhs]

Proof yet again that women are never satisfied.

[Anonymous]

dump him he's a psycho