How do you handle money in your relationship?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years now and it is getting to the stage where we are finding it hard to navigate our finances together, and what we could compromise in. I am someone who values, that if you give something to someone it is a gift (e. g., money to help out expenses) and shouldn't expect anything in return. Likewise, I believe that we should have our own separate financial accounts, and a shared one where we put in a percentage of our income to afford what we share together, like rent, bills, holiday travel etc.

He believes in loaning money out, and you can repay at any given time. He doesn't expect it anytime soon, but he will remember and remind you. He believes in shared expenses, such as a shared financial account but he believes we should put in money we can afford to put away, rather than a fixed percentage of our individual income. For holidays, he expects everything 50/50 except food and activities, where if I want to go to a restaurant that he isn't interested in I will have to pay for him too, likewise if he is interested in an activity that I am not interested in he has to pay.

I feel like I am quite reasonable in my approach, where obviously if he earned less and I earned more we would still be contributing of equal value. I grew up with sharing is caring, and I often donate to charity and spend money on family and friends. My boyfriend is stingy and gives out where he sees value and trust. He rarely gives me money unless if he knows I am going to use it well, he gets upset knowing if I have wasted it, in his eyes.

It has been hard to navigate this and I don't know what to do

[Anonymous]

Danielle is like that too she believes it should be a gift. The only instance when i asked for the money back was when we got into a big fight back in April. Before that i never did and after that big fight in April i never did (even though we got into some serious fights after). What hurt was last week she accused me of expecting her to be dependent on me for money which was never true. When i helped her i did it so she could provide for her daughters and get groceries gas for her car daughters tuition school supplies school uniforms surgeries medications heat during the winter when she didn't have any i bent over backwards helping her because i love her with all my heart (even though she said i was a stranger and she was a stranger and didn't know her other than what she tells people online)... (that type of stuff hurt)

When she wanted to get her nails done i would give her the money for that separate. One time last month she was having such a stressful week with her daughters surgeries that I was planning originally to give her a day spa for her birthday in November but with the stressful week she was having i gave her the spa day present early to help her relax.

Like i said only one occasion/instance did i ever ask for the money back when we had that big fight back in April but my god she has never let me live that one mistake down since and now she has me blocked on cashapp 💔 😪 😕 😔 so i can't even help her even if i wanted to and especially without encurring her wrath

Even after our biggest fight yet from last week i still never asked for a single penny back because i know she needs that money to help her daughters out and by the way i knew/known her for 1 1/2 almost two years also

by the way i never considered the money a loan that needed to be paid back. That one instance when we had that major fight in April i asked for it back because earlier that day i had given her ~ $400 for a mother's day gift and i went on her livestream so she could get the required followers she needed so she could get paid then she blocked 2 of my accounts one just so happened to be a birthday gift i made for her last year which took 5 1/2 months to make and when she did that it hurt like hell especially after i gave her the mother's day gift of ~ $400 which was why i asked for all that money back BUT (and i told Danielle this numerous times) about two days later i was emailing the supervisors and managers at cashapp so they could cancel those requests i made but they couldn't

I never thought of any of the money as a loan even after the biggest fight we ever had last week on November 3rd i still never once asked for a single cent back and yet she still has me blocked on cashapp

[lightbulb27]

We talk a lot and try to be in synch. everything is open book, we have shared account to pay joint expenses. wife makes the income and benefits now, I run house and business.

I can say loaning money is generally a bad idea. we've done that in a select way to family and is working out. Most cases, I wouldn't. a gift is better... you don't want to ruin relationships... which is what debt does in family and friends.

boyfriend has trust issues? like he trusts wrong people but doesn't award those worthy? Or am I misreading it? can understand not giving you money, but he should give you value. e. g. you should be #1, not a business partner. how does it feel?

Some people... you aren't gonna change how they were trained...

call dave ramsey or listen to those shows to stimulate discussions. got to work it out.

[itsannalee]

My husband and i have separate bank accounts and financial. He pays for everything, bills, foods, groceries, gas. Just everything on him.
And still give me allowance like for salon, clothing, etc. But I just don’t have access to his bank account and he doesn’t have access to my bank.
I have my own money and income, but that’s my money. I can use it for my own needs or just save them. In other words, i still have financial freedom, but he still provides me completely as traditional husband.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

My husband and I have separate bank accounts and neither of us have access into each other's accounts... he pays all the bills and I buy all the groceries and we have a rule if it cost more then $100 we make sure it's okay to buy this is mostly for me because im addicted to shopping lol and when he goes on the tool trucks it's worked well for us we've been together 5 years as of today

[AI Opinion]

Navigating finances in a relationship can be trickier than remembering your anniversary! My aim here is to drop some wisdom your way. 😘 Both your perspectives have their own charm – yours with an open-hearted, gift-giving approach, and his with a structured, memory-lane method. Finding that sweet spot might require a blend, where there's both freedom and fairness. Maybe create a “Fun Fund” for those spontaneous dives into restaurant adventures or unexpected shopping sprees. It’s like making sure everyone eats from the delicious pie of compromise. Just keep the communication open and spicy! 💸✨

[Anonymous]

I'd say it is dependent on the couple. Generally, I'd be open to whatever she is comfortable with.