How important is money in a relationship?

Question

Hello I'm a 23 year old male and my girlfriend is 24. We have been planning on going on a cruise, I told her I would pay for her ticket but she needs to save some spending money and pay for her passport. She is having trouble saving money so it's making it harder on me. We got into a argument  yesterday about it and she yells money isn't important. Later that day I offered to give someone a ride home yesterday and she was with me he gave a bogus story of why he needed some money and she was about to give it to him until I said no. We got into it because of money and she was about to give it away like it's nothing. It's almost like she expects that everything is my responsibility financially because I make more. My question is do you think I'm wrong for asking her to save at least 100 dollars for spending money and to pay for her passport?

Hidden_P · Accepted Answer

Totally depends.

Let me explain. I'm 22, and my boyfriend is 26.

He earns £12/$18.40 an hour. Whereas I earn £2.73/$4.19 an hour.
Because of how little I earn, 80% of wage goes straight on bills. And that's just car/phone/gym. Thats not food or living.

I try to give my boyfriend money but I work 2 jobs and earn £600/£920.12 a month. I physically cannot save, and I'm a massive saver. He knows if he asked me to save that much I would literally not be able to eat for the month. And he buys me most of my food, so it would be a case of literally not buying anything. At all.

Money is important, but I think it's important both sides understand the others position. I hate how much my boyfriend spends on me, and as a result I'm actually looking to take on another 2 jobs. Technically I work 3 jobs (I'm paid regularly for 2, the other is volunteer with occasional money) at the moment, so I would be working 5 jobs just to try and make ends meet.

I don't think you're wrong, however can she actually afford to (aka is she going out spending money on clothes or make up, or is she spending money to live), but do you understand her views on money.

AmyGirlyeaah · Accepted Answer

Depends on how long you have been together. If you pay a lot I don't see it as a problem. I would never go to a cruise with my boyfriend and don't bring with me any money and let him pay my passport that is just awkward, but girls has different thoughts.
I went to a vacation this summer with my boyfriend and he paid for everything, but I paid my tickets and brought 200 dollars for our vacation, but he paid mostly everything, but this was because we was on vacation.

When I go to restaurant with him etc I usually pay my part and he pay his part, sometimes I pay for what we do and sometimes he does.

In my relationship money is important because my boyfriend can not have fun with out, because he has grown up with a lot of money and don't know how to have fun without but I will show him.

AthleticMom · Accepted Answer

It's HER life, HER money and HER vacation... that doesn't mesh with your ideas on same
so I'm saying forget the cruise (& Norwalk virus threats) due to so many hurtles
+ take a cue from her reluctance to conform to such an idea... and all its trappings
+ her attraction to another guy to give him her vacation-with-you money
and think about shopping for a gal better suited to your lifestyle and obviously more attracted to you!

BTW:
Cruises are best booked with a party of 8 = a round dinner table = the best of times/memories
this is not a romantic twosome place in such a blue collar crowd
Romance for two = go to fav airline website, find romantic packages, book flight & resort hotel (no car), spend full time at resort... all-inclusive is really best

pr3ttybr0wn · Accepted Answer

If money isn't important then she shouldn't expect you to save her financially. She should be glad you're paying for her ticket and not feel entitled for you to front all of her spending money. If it wasn't for you she wouldn't even be going on the trip in the first place. If she can't afford it she should just say so and not go. Ask her if she really wants to go on the trip, if so she needs to do her part.

Honestly situations like this are why I think people with more money shouldn't date people with less. One or both people become resentful and the other becomes entitled and jealous.

To keep it 100 this girl sounds like a fucking bum. Of course she can afford to give money to strangers with sob stories, she knows her bf will pick up the tab

Mki2k · Accepted Answer

Money is the number one destroyer of marriages. Money is important. You can believe everything that you want about it not buying happiness and whatever, but NOT having money is a one way ticket to sadness and despair.

So the answer to your question is "Very Important". Especially at your age. You and her are at the age now that you both are going to need some very expensive things to keep doing what you're doing, and if you continue on this track with her, she won't ever figure out that money is important. That's how people in their late 20's end up with 20k+ in credit card debt and a bankruptcy.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't think you're wrong about wanting her to save money but it sounds like money isn't as important to her as it is to you.

Money isn't special at all if you love your gf don't let money fuck up your relationship especially if you really love her. Its just money literally paper/cloth that has a value somehow placed upon it.

Kalinda · Answer

Don't go in expensive vacations if both of you can't afford it

If she thinks money is not important than accept that.

Let her pay for herself you pay for yourself and there's no resentment and no excuse fir you to tell her what to do.

She'll have to decide for herself what's important, you can't will her to change.

You can leave if the situation isn't fitting for you. But how she handles money is up to her.

I understand not wanting to spend money in someone you don't think is appreciating it. Or being responsible with it. So don't.

Anonymous · Answer

This is a weird situation, i personally would never even dream of letting a boyfriend pay for a cruise ticket. I just couldn't do it, i am a grown ass woman and i can pay for myself. If it's a surprise birthday present or something, i might not be comfortable with it, but i'd certainly really appreciate that he went to all that trouble. She should absolutely save for her spending money, you are already doing a really nice thing in paying for her ticket... She just sounds like someone who is terrible managing her finances, and is sensitive about it. That's why she says stuff like "money isn't important" because she's insecure. Bottom line, you are not wrong. Just tell her that you are feeling pressured to pay for everything and she needs to help you because this trip is for her too.

Your_boss960 · Answer

Money issues are the #1 cause for divorce and relationship issues.

My dad is an engineer and my mom is a housewife and they have been married for more than 14 years. My mom never had a job and didn't even earn a penny since they've been married. My dad is happy and my mom is happy. I don't even know how. But my mom expects my dad to pay for everything. And they've never had any problems because of it.

Anonymous · Answer

I and my man both prefer hobbies that really don't cost any money beyond initial investments into tools or equipment. We do a lot of paranormal investigating, which can be done almost completely by smart phone apps these days. We're both writers, and artists; he's a musician, and we both sing. He makes a living off his writing and music, I sell my art. We spend a lot of time hiking to find new haunted sites for documentaries, and along the way we often find wood, rocks, and other natural items that I can use in my art. We also do a lot of landscaping and yard art with his mom, and our whole group of friends usually goes ghost hunting with us, 4 times a week. Neither us ever really has to spend money to have a good time, since work is a paid hobby we both enjoy.

Anonymous · Answer

You two actually seem good despite what meets the eye.
Personally, I always spend my money with no self-control so I would want someone like you to basically force me to save my money. She might make you less stiff on spending money while you make make her more thoughtful.

Whether its wrong depends on:
who needed money more him or you? E. g did he need the money because someone's life depended on it/he was being evicted from his house and forced to live in the stree VS he merely wanted to buy his girlfriend an expensive bday gift or something like that

Hal2002 · Answer

Do yourself a favour and bail, this girl is trouble.

You are paying for the cruse, and she can't come up with a bit of pocket money and get her passport?

Money and sex are a very small part of a relationship, but 98% of relationships end because of one or the other.

Marrryyyyy · Answer

she should take a finance course and stop using you as a fall back for money.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

Money is VERY important.

Not the having it part, but the view on it. You'll fight a lot less if you both view it the same. Two frugal people would do much better than one frugal person and one who thinks it never ends.

gonyr · Answer

If you can't afford a cruise Han don't go on it.

It's not the most I portent thing but it can cause issues. If you're in a situation where you're kind of sharing your money (not totally, but it seems like you do a little bit) then talk to her about having a plan together where you save and how much you spend.

Also, don't get a joint checking account.

HoneyButterCup525 · Answer

Well if your paying for her ticket and everything then that's pretty nice of you its ok if you asked her to save up money for her passport if your not able to pay for that but for her ticket etc etc...

But her attitude about money not being impotant isn't good...

You should think twice before you go on this cruise with her...

matheus_mb · Answer

No, you're not wrong. Saving money is good and everyone should do it. But, unfortunately, it's up to her.

chaii · Answer

Money is important in a relationship, hopefully this situation builds your relationship with her, rather than knock it down.

Just ask her to save some money out of her paycheck., or offer to pay half?

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think you're wrong at all. Financial respinsibility is a huge part of being a grown up. That doesn't mean luxury items matter that much, like say, the cruise itself. But holding up your end of a financial agreement is a big deal.

Corsair777 · Answer

I think that by paying for her cruise ticket, she isn't putting in the effort to make the money herself; thus devaluing money for her. Perhaps she doesn't realize how important money management is, I hope she doesn't have a lot of credit cards.

Anonymous · Answer

Money is important and honestly I would never give away my hard earned money to a stranger. If she acts like that she may not need it though who knows.

soufwar · Answer

if i were you i would pay for everything and have a serious talk about saving money when we return.

apexalpha · Answer

No you need to have a chat and sort out the money issues she probably has a different mind set towards money. So you need to come to a mutual understanding

Lebanese_Muscle · Answer

You don't do wrong. Yet financial support from a male to a female figure in a relationship is the expectation.

pekarino · Answer

Money sex religeon & politics will turn a good thing bad.

Attack_on_Zelda · Answer

It's not wrong, but if there's this much trouble maybe the cruise should be postponed till you both are ready for it

Skadouchebag · Answer

I fail to see how anyone can see considering money as an important part of a relationship as anything but completely shallow.

SecretSomeone · Answer

The "who pays for everything" is a society standard. Try to explain to her that both of you are on a tight budget.

Anonymous · Answer

Men are far shallower than us gold digging bitches!

TheReturnOfRae · Answer

On a scale of 1-10. Moneys importance is like a 4

Anonymous · Answer

I AIN'T SAYIN' SHE A GOLD DIGGA.

Anonymous · Answer

If you are a man its the most important thing.

Anonymous · Answer

No that is perfectly reasonable to ask.

newhotmama2015 · Answer

Its important but not all that matters

Anonymous · Answer

Not wrong at all, you should be able to ask her

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