Why do boys suffer from break up months later?

[Anonymous]

My ex, when we broke up (both pretty angry with each other) seems to be okay. I was crying all the time for the first weeks (embarrassingly to mention but I was being petty over Social media too, posting melancholic songs etc.), while he was quite indifferent and it looked like he was having a good time.

Now after two months that I moved on (hopefully) our friends told me that he is quite depressed and isn't handling it well,,, I was surprised cause his social media reflected the opposite of it (he was posting much more than usually great things with his work and friendships)...

Is this behavior something usual for boys?

[ObscuredBeyond]

I'm a slight bit different. When things fell apart with Emily, I was devastated immediately. But I got good at distracting myself. Her and I somewhat reconciled four years later, but life always kept us from truly rekindling the flame. Then, she died suddenly in 2013. My chance to rekindle the flame had been snatched away, forever!

My pain turned to anger. Especially when I learned how she died! I wanted that drug dealer strung up from the nearest tree!

When things fell apart with Merre, I was devastated immediately. I learned to bury it. But I never truly got over her. Ten years later, her and I partially reconciled. But then, in 2020, Whitmer killed her. The Huntington's would've eventually killed her anyway, but I was still mad. I wanted to turn into one of Mel Gibson's iconic characters, and start a revolution!

When Pooh scared Sunny away, I feared the worst had happened to her, and wanted to nuke Beijing.

Seeing that she made it out of the mess alive, found new love, and was raising a beautiful daughter, only somewhat calmed down my rage. I knew she was safe, even if she'd become someone else's responsibility.

It's why I hesitate to bond with anyone today. There's no sense in it. I can't protect those I bond with. And I know the minute I bond with a gal, I feel responsible to protect her. So I feel like I'm only setting myself up for failure.

I don't want to feel like the Andrew Garfield Spider-Man, cradling Gwen Stacy's lifeless body. With enough pent up guilt and anger to turn into Scorpion from Mortal Kombat.

I want my love life to tell a different story for a change.

But I have to find a woman that gives a damn, and makes better choices. I seem to always fall for ladies who choose poorly in life. And in the end, I can't save them from themselves.

[DeltaRecon]

When I divorced my wife years ago. It hurt some at first, but it was also something that I saw coming and didn’t hurt as bad. Later down the road I hurt even more because it was like I lost a part of what made me, me. She was my best friend that I could play, have fun with, talk with, have a family with, and grow old with. When it hit me that she was gone it was the same as someone close to me dying. She was as good as dead to me at that point and nothing I did was going to ever bring her back. Years down the road we got back together and are still together. But she has also changed. That spark that was once there in her doesn’t shine as bright as it once did, but every once in a while I still see the woman I married years ago which makes me happy. Then that woman fades away. I miss the woman I met and married years ago and sometimes feel sad when I think of all the good times. I don’t feel sad about the bad times, because it’s the good times that you remember and miss that you may never see again.

[SphynxUK]

It depends on the person. Most men are broken after a split, but prefer to keep their sorrow hidden so will still go out and do things and get on with it.
They might, as time goes by, slow down to reflect and come to terms with it before they can enter another relationship.

[irifebeck]

Because once the break up is done they're able to go out and explore options and sleep around but then once they realized all of that is superficial, they realize they miss their ex and regret losing the girl... I assume.

[FilmGuy93]

It’s common, yeah. The loss of the relationship just takes a little while to catch up to us and sink in.

[Exterminatore]

Because they put all their eggs in one basket in the hopes of retaining steady use of a vagina and companionship, all to realize that now that it’s gone, the chances of finding a replacement soon are slim to none.


Most guys ain’t good with the ladies, so replacement is typically not an option quickly or easily. Tell me of a guy who can get laid at will without paying for it? That’s like 10 percent of men. That’s like 90% of women. Show me a guy that can get into relationships In like fashion.


Yet women like a challenge. Why? Cause it’s all too easy for them. Gets boring.


This is the truth for 90% of men.


Meanwhile after she broke up and 3 months have gone by, even though she’s just an average looking girl she’s had 10 guys hit on her, gave out her number twice, been on 2 dates, and got laid once. He on the other hand is masturbating while crying and trying to figure out how to even get 1 girls number let alone get one to go on a date, knowing it will be many months before he has the slightest modicum of success.

[Anonymous]

I’ve always believed after break ups women tend to have better support systems. Guys and men don’t talk about their feelings, they should, but we don’t. Society, the media, etc. frown upon men and guys who show raw emotions of sadness because it looks “weak”. It’s no surprise females can have busier lives with going out more, making plans with other female friends. I’m sure female friends will go to her (who broke up) and say forget that loser, go find someone better sorta talk. It’s easier for a woman to bounce back and find another guy or man.

But when women are in that position, I tend to think she’s pursuing those “opportunities” post break up with other men or guy for fling purposes, to have fun but it’s not meaningful. Women have to understand men don’t have it easy in the dating game. Unless the guy is tall and rich he’s not going to get the attention of many women. It boils down to how superficial our society is. Yes, guys will go through a break up longer and we will be more devastated by it. On the contrary of women’s beliefs of “he doesn’t care”, we do. Guys and men just have a tougher time showing those emotions at first. I’m single myself and I want to find a proper girl to be with, to marry one day. I’ve had chances to have one night stands with attractive young women but that’s not what I want to do.

I am looking for something meaningful. The same way women assume men aren’t loyal, in todays era us males will say girls and women aren’t loyal either. We are living in strange times right now where neither gender trusts each other, hopefully that changes.

[NamerOfStars]

Sadly, yes, it's pretty common. For many complex and interwoven social and political reasons, most guys don't have a strong personal support network these days; for a lot of them, their women is the only emotional outlet they have for anything except anger. This is profoundly unhealthy, and puts a lot of pressure on her, and even more on the relationship, since few women have any real idea of what men go through, lacking the empathy they take for granted.

It's a recipe for total disaster on a societal scale, and isn't good for ANYBODY. I've said for some time that I think schools should teach a semester or two of the opposite sex's psychology; even if you don't want to date them, you'll be dealing with them all your life, and more understanding is rarely a bad idea. Maybe we should have all the adults read Warren Farrell.

[Datboi65]

For the simple reason that women can rely on other people to make them feel good, but men have to rely only on themselves when moving on. Men don't talk to friends about break ups, we take it on the chin. Why should we talk about it? Does anyone give a shit? Not really.

What that can do is one of 2 things:

Either a) it makes you stronger

Or b) if you do not recover, you will be broken for a WHILE

The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. 2 people can react differently to the same situation. At the end of the day, women will always have an easier time recovering not because break ups are easier for them, but because like with anything in life men are more on their own.

[TheSpaceGnome]

facts.

[Tenebrae_mentis]

Yeah. For a guy, at first you feel like you'll be fine and you may actually go out with a positive attitude, but as time goes on and it gets quiet, it starts to set in what you've lost. Guys don't talk about things like that as openly as girls do, because it shows weakness and that's kind of taboo for a guy. Like you'll see girls post videos of them crying all the time, but you never see a guy do that. Doesn't mean they don't cry, though. They just do it alone and in silence. So yeah, he may very well be torn up over things and just not saying anything.

[Weapon77]

All humans can suffer from breakups several months later. It's actually highly recomended by mental health professionals to take at least 3 months of mourning after a serious relationship before dating again. For marriages, sometimes 6 months or an entire year are recommended. And deaths can require lifetimes to deal with! Humans create deep bonds fairly easily, and when it happens, we basically become addicted. Losing that is like quitting an addiction, and that takes time to get over depending on how seriously the relationship was and how long it lasted.

But our current dating culture tries to convince people to jumo into (or under) a new person as quickly as possible to get over the last person even though that's just not healthy for most relationships. It leads to people thinking about their exes WHILE dating someone new, which is bad for everyone involved. Honestly, we should all take longer to get over things. We're getting too nonchalant and/or callous as a generation.

[FireGodGoesSeeknFire]

He probably tried suppressing his pain for as long as he could. The first few weeks are easy, all you have to is invoke frustration over *how* things went down.

When that wears off you can start in disembling. It will take another couple weeks min before your bullshit becomes do transparent you can't even privately pretend to believe to yourself.

After, that its white knuckling until a natural distance causes the pain to subside. The catch though is that more you suppress pain the longer it lingers in the subconscious.

[hafinjun]

I think , it's because as young men were taught to be emotionally in control,"tears are for girls and sissies.
Despite men being accused of only being after one thing, we love just as deeply as women, we're just taught to keep it as much as possible under wraps. When a break up occurs, we all respond differently , but men put their brave face on and act like " no big deal" if you separated angrily it's easier at first to appear carefree, but it's sure to start invading you feeling sooner or later you start remembering your first kiss or that walk he took in the rainy day anything can trigger it once it starts down the the rocky slide it can be hard to arrest the fall. I've experienced it several times in my life. This may well be total crap, but it's what I believe and hope it helps.

[JamesDiaz11]

One of the hardest things for guys to get over during a break up is the impact to their territorialism toward the girl. It's a sickening feeling for a guy to have their guy interacting with other guys romantically, much more when there's nothing he can do about it. We also drastically inflate what our ex is doing, as well as the guys she's interacting with.

Granted, girls feel some of this too, but the sentiment for guys is more pronounced as it's their girl who's being conquered, not who's conquering others (as a male ex would). Guys also know it's far easier for girls to get sex; so, they know a train of D is just a few texts away.

[Guy13]

The truth of the matter is men do not grieve loss well. We really do not grieve at all and tend to bottle up things inside. This tends to leave one on rethink continuously which is okay without exterior influences. Throw in some 420, liquor, etc then the bottled Volcano can erupt. I am not one of these wa... wa... wa grieve and have anxiety over the Canadian Geese being taken out on the road etc.

That being said, grieving, coming to terms with the often 50/50 Fault Factor is a necessary requirement. If one does not take Time away from body hopping and focus upon healing then they will simply take it out on the next poor sucker who dates them. This applies to both men and women by the way... especially with feminism driving women to behave like men.

[MrOracle]

Most men don't get into relationships easily, but when we do, we're all in, so if we break up, it's usually going to hit hard and long.

If a guy recovers quickly, it just means he never really cared for you strongly. If those feelings were strong, it's usually going to take him a while to move on.

This can change if people have been together for years and have been fighting or felt abandoned for a long time - they will check out and do their grieving while still technically together, until they are in a better position to end things once and for all, after which they often move on quickly. That's the exception to the rule.

Now, for the girls that go after the hot/popular guys, they are nearly all narcissistic, so they never care about anyone else more than they care about whatever pleases them in the moment. If you choose to chase those guys, you will get what you get (it probably won't go well for you).

[QuadDamage]

The woman has already been over this in her head and are probably more in check with where the relationship actually is and foresaw this coming.

She's already begun processing the outcome might occur, and thought about it for some time and been overthinking the worst even longer.

The man is probably as shocked or not shocked as the woman. But will tend to ignore the importance of what is happening because it hurts too much or was very expected. He will only be sad I'd regret is in motion afterwards. And since he has not been thinking ahead of what will happen now beforehand, the grief can stay for q long time.

And if course it depends on how many years you've known someone, your perspective of life and how sensitive you are as a person. There are many factors, especially in long relationships. Those breaks f*cking hurt as hell 🫤

[ODC2112]

Despite what women think, a man suffers for longer from the end of a relationship.
While women are a fire, men are embers.

Men do not show suffering publicly. They tend to be seen as strong as granite blocks especially by their exes.
Men 'cannot' and do not want to show themselves weak. Especially in the immediate post-break-up period. They will therefore try hard to show that they have not been scarred by what happened, that they are OK, that they are moving on. While women vomit all their emotions to their friends, men find it hard to really and sincerely open up even to their friends and therefore will not show them the pain they are feeling either.
In short, talking about feelings, pain and disappointment 'is not a man's thing', and therefore friends do not play the role of psychologists (as is perhaps the case with women), but only as companions for adventure and fun.

[lightbulb27]

our emotions are generally more muted and take time to process.

Imagine swiming a big club at a "gong" and getting a "thuddddddd" sound that draws out over long time, vs high pitch. that's difference...

Were trained as kids to not feel and be tough, but feelings ripple through.

[D_Bone_Steak]

The oxytocin vs. vasopressin argument. Women can fall in and out of love much more quickly. Getting into it and out of it is a much slower process for a man. That's the theory anyhow. Even if he moves on with someone new, you'll be on his mind for quite some time.

[CanadianLearner]

Among the other reasons people have given here, women are better at processing their emotions.

Men can get in their heads post-breakup, create new unhealthy thought patterns/habits, which creates a negative feedback cycle of: bad thoughts --> bad feelings --> bad thoughts --> bad feelings.

Breaking those habits can be challenging.

[Wish4UrB00ty]

You should stop fallowing him on social media… first off … just because that is weird.

secondly we both handle it the same in a general matter. Some guys get more attached and some girls get more attached. I doubt that I will ever move on after my ex. I am so glad we are no longer talking because we were so toxic for each other. But I miss her in every way because I chose to love her in every way.

[Shiver]

Guys aren't really encouraged in showing emotion, so it builds up, and builds up, and builds up, and builds up, before either becoming fully repressed or erupting and throwing you spiraling into a major depression.

[BlueScorpio]

Yes, guys tend to process things differently and hold their emotions back or try to ignore them. By that time it becomes an overfilled bottle that pops and all those ignored/pint up emotions get released.