Is is true that boys feel pain after a breakup later than girls?

I'm just wondering.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • A lot of people don't get this... guys and girls think VERY differently. Girls are more emotionally impulsive, guys are more logically inclined. This typically carries over to relationships.

    Girls are more likely to fall for guys that they don't have a chance with, even craving it (could be celebrity, the popular guy, the thug) with no logical foundation, the guy may not have shown any interest but girls believe guys think like them and they would be able to "change him". That is a fantasy of a lot of girls.

    Girls can fall in love very quickly and it's generally not a conscious decision to follow. More of an impulse that happens early on.

    But girls also fall out of love much more quickly, they can end a relationship on some small things and typically get over it relatively quickly.

    Guys can have a relationship without feelings for as long as they desire. This is why one night stands are easier for us. We won't have any feelings for the girl if we don't think she is worth the time (i. e perhaps she doesn't have much of a personality or is too simple so is boring and can't hold a conversation) But she might be hot so is ok to fuck.

    When guys decide to fall in love and allow themselves, it's serious (not a fake love you forced to say). We settle and commit, so ending it isn't easy. Some studies suggest guys don't ever truly fall out of love but for most it takes months

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    • 100% wrong to say guys have relationships without feelings for as long as they want is bullshit feelings you can't control.

    • I must be male. Last time I checked guys are more emotional in relationships than girls by far. You lot are protective and caring and talk about kids and ish. Girls are like: 'penis and free dinner, meh whatever.' It does vary from person to person but I had been with wimpy guys, thugs, gamers, Mr. I am the man, and it always comes down to: 'why are you so sexual/ you don't even love me/ why do you prefer porn/ do you want him more than me/ do you just like money and work/ why can't you ever cuddle me/ you never make love to me? etc. Which is kool, I have dealt with it and I have realised that this is how most males are, but boy did the media mislead me when I was growing up.

    • Oh just to add thuggish guys are different, if I was to generalise, most talk little and are less emotional but begin showing love through materialistic things and this spills onto emotional talk, which makes them vulnerable and eventually they are emotionally attached. These guys would never be emotional in front of their mates but that doesn't mean that they are not attached, quite the contrary, their love tends to be deep and they handle break ups poorly.
      The Mr. I am the man guy is a little softer in how he acts and does not care if he shows emotions as soon as he isn't into you, so these guys are often keen on taking you out, acting romantic and emotional when you have known them for like a week. I don't think they themselves understand when and how they form attachment but after you leave their ego will be well damaged, this will be visible because they would pop up every few wks/days and randomly claim that in fact YOU loved them (projecting), as well as random anger outbursts

Most Helpful Girl

  • This is a joke. It was created to make you "sensitive" girls feep better when a breakup doea happen. Not true at all. Most guys will be happy that its over. If the girl did the "breaking up" the guy will probably move on way quicker.

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What Guys Said 91

  • No... pain after break ups can affect people differently... sometimes there is no pain because there just wasn't anything to feel painful about! I would say most of the time the person who is doing the BREAKING may not have any feelings that are painful and more feelings of relief.

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    • But men tend to cry after. Like when he is showering, he'll cry because it hurt him.
      Women tend to react a lot faster.

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    • @Brah63926 I would suspect the cheater feels anxiety for getting caught or feels bad but emotional pain... probably not. Even if he cheated on someone he can't live without it still wouldn't be emotional pain it would probably be more of his ego getting bruised that she left afterwards or broke up with him. Thats trying to have your cake and eating it too...

    • they feel relief, but realize that oh no! what did I do! In a month... when the other person has moved on. ;)

  • From a relationship coaching lens, I can tell you that men and women (generally speaking) do react differently to a break-up and there are a couple of reasons for this:

    1. Control Complex: Some men want to appear to be in control to the greatest extent possible and thus they keep their feelings bottled up. "I care about this break-up but dammit if I'm unleashing these feelings"--say Robert after his break-up with Samantha. Explore Roberts thoughts further and we may find out a number of things: He wants Samantha back. He does not like or want to be alone. He knows he was part of the reason for the break-up. Will Roberts reaction and expressions show this? Perhaps not. Otherwise, he would lose the perception of being in control and that is simply not an option for Robert.

    2. Panda Effect: On the "relationship farm" lives a male panda named Dale. He speaks softly and rarely, but he thinks a lot. Yep, Dale has definite thoughts about his break-up with Eileen, but she is unlikely to see or hear them. But why? Because panda's carry the specific feeling that if words and actions are not going to change the past or the future then why say them?

    Long after the relationship ends, however, men, moreso than women, are revisiting what happened and are feeling the pains more sharply. Why? Because they avoided them at the beginning. Not all men but definitely men moreso than women.

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  • i think it's more about the individual than the gender. i know for me the pain of a break up hits fast

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  • I don't believe in this study, theory or whatever it is, because this can vary depending on the context. A break-up may affect both equally in certain cases. For instance, I wouldn't treat a break-up due to issues between the two partners the same way I would with a break up due to cheating or one party leaving the other all of a sudden. It definitely varies. Another thing to consider is that a person's ability to forget someone once they break up with them also varies from person to person (based on experience and other factors) and therefor we can't generalize the reaction of genders in this matter.

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  • I think it depends a lot. These little cartoons might be fun and might be true in some cases but they are of course not a general truth. I think what can be true is that guys don't accept certain feelings and maybe push them away or deny them etc. And that might work for a bit but over time it will lead to more problems. Or a guy might think he's free and single again but over time he might realise, that he misses her. I can't really say from personal experience because I'm in my first relationship ^^ I think I would definitely be sad right away if it ended :3 but if it ever happens I'll let you know how I feel :P.

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  • The partner who was dumped feels more pain. The partner who initiated the breakup feels some pain but mostly relief.

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  • everyone is different.

    my friend curled up in a ball and cried on his bed. my other friend wanted to call in sick for work because it hurt too much. another friend said whatever and wanted to play laser tag.

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  • Yes, it's true. We don't like to admit it because of the "manly" stereotypes we have to follow but we do feel grief and over think about the people we love. We feel as much pain when cheated on and if a girl we care for hurt our pride, it's extremely hard to forgive

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  • No, it is not true. In most cases, the girl feels it immediately and it can last longer than a boy. Guys feel it immediately, but it usually doesn't last as long. I think boys find it easier to move on than girls. Of course, I'm not saying this fits all boys and girls.

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  • Yes, I have seen this and experienced it and have been told. Women see the breakup coming in advance, even when men do the breaking up. She begins the grieving process before the breakup happens. Men are always blindsided by it when it occures and even when we initiate the breakup, the consequences can hit us days later.

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    • Yeah it hurts a lot. I seen the signs a month before mine broke up with me, he would hardly look at me or be affectionate, his texts got colder ans more distant as if slowly i was talking to a friend or a stranger, he stopped saying i love you back in that last month... when he eventually said it was over he said he distanced himself to make it easier, but it inly made me feel like there was something wrong with me in all that time, like it was my fault... turns out he decided that he had loved me but didn't want to be in a relationship. He sound too calm on the phone saying it while i had broken down immediately, some guys are just better at acting like they have no heart while some of us give our all only to have it thrown in our face 😔

  • First day, I'm on red alert. In a week, orange alert. A month later, yellow. Six months later, blue level. It never dips down to green in practice.

    Nature of the breakup also affects me. The degree of betrayal involved is the difference between peaceful transition, and revenge fantasy. If the gal goes to special extremes to hurt me on the way out, I start considering legal options against her. And that anger never truly goes away. I just learn to ignore it.

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  • It really depends on how affectionate the relationship was, I remember that after my last breakup with a girl I immediately ran to the bathrooms to cry about it, to be honest. Some might feel it earlier, others later. I felt it immediately, but there are some men that "only [they] will love her when [they] let her go" as the song goes. And not only men have it, but women have it, too, at times. It really depends on the personality and how affectionate the relationship was.

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  • There's no rule for that. People feel pain in different ways.

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  • Really it varries men sometimes are better and other times women are it really depends how much emotion you had invested. In the relationship.

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  • No. Im hoing through a breakup right now and it hurt me bad immediately. i just pretend to be cool about it. It completely depends on the person and their personality.

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  • No, we feel it the same. What's different is how guys handle it. We are taught and programmed to not show emotion (it's not "manly"), so when women think guys don't care, he probably does, he's just not showing it on the outside.

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  • Hard to say - the girls I broke up with I didn't know for that long or care that much to be hurt. Haven't broken up a serious relationship yet.

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  • I have no idea, but from what I have seen females find it a lot easier to move on (or monkey branch sometimes) to a new male.
    My first serious girlfriend broke my heart in a vicious way when I was 21. I have been psychologically incapable of loving anyone since then.

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  • It depends on the breakup and who broke up with who. I remember when I broken up with a girl after having a heated argument. At first I felt frustrated with what had happened, I was infuriated with the way she was acting, I felt angry with myself because I cared about her and I didn't want things to end the way it did. But after a few hours the anger was gone and it started to sink in. The pain was there when I had broken up it was just masked by my anger and frustration.

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  • I don't think it's true for everyone, but I'm sure that's how some people handle breakups. I can't speak from breakup experience, but I know I process emotional hardship slower. My initial reaction is to be fine with whatever happens to or around me while it is happening. Then later when I think about it, whether that's an hour or a month or a year later, I react to it the way I should have while it was happening

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  • yes definitely!!

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  • It's a lie. Gender doesn't matter

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  • The ones that truly care for you will all ways hurt. Takes a lot for a man to commit. Most of them don't know the meaning of commitment. But we are out there. Figured out I hadn't gone on date since 2015 Valentine's Day. Ex left that day. I still think about here everyday. It just becomes a piece of me.

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  • it always depends on how deep your love was. if you´re over it in a week, it clearly wasn´t much more than a fuck buddy.

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  • No, it depends on the person, who breaks up with who and what happens after the breakup

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  • Nope... not even a little.

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  • Nope.

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  • The graphic just demonstrates how it is easier for women to move on, generally because their attachments are a lot more shallow and replacements easy to come by.

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    • This isn't true, its been two and a half months since my boyfriend broke up with me and i still don't even enjoy flirting with anyone else. Sadly he's still stuck in my head, he had no emotion to the break up even after all we'd been through, he said i love you to me first and made my guard fall, and then claimed that he just didn't want a relationship anymore and that id done nothing wrong. He seemed to switch off all emotion, leaving me to cry while he spoke to me as if it were a casual conversation. So i do believe that girls can hurt faster and for longer than men. But every situation is different

  • Depends on the situation but I'd say no, we just hold onto it longer and can make it worse because we can't and don't know how to express it.

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  • No, that's just a flase sense of karma to make women feel better, after a month i'd be hardpressed to remember your thrid name.

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What Girls Said 33

  • Oh, trust me, they feel some kind of heat eventually. The picture above is a prime example but this doesn't apply to all men. You have to remember that we are different psychologically wise, and we each have our own convictions, whether emotionally or rationally. I say it really all depend's how much did they invest in that relationship with you: emotionally. If they haven't attached themselves somewhere, usually sexually, there won't be a need to hash over spilled milk. But once that sexual connection happens, especially when done outside of marriage, it cause a lot of problems that will psychologically mess you up. Very badly. Some people can't handle that and end up hurting somebody else. But in general, it depends on the guy and how much did you mean to him. As the old saying goes, you don't know how good you got it until it's gone. This often leads to regret.

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  • that's what internet says.. so it must be true

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  • Nope I don't think so. I think this idea was made up by women who believed all guys are too stupid to realize what they are losing until they miss it, which is not credible at all. This idea is probably what many girls tell themselves when they realize how quickly a guy has gotten over them and it helps them sort of accept that fact by telling themselves that he'll feel the pain too when they've been separated for a while. How a person feels about a break up and how long and when they are grieving is very subjective and depends on the person that's going through it. It does not depend on the gender at all. I could be really quick in getting over a break up or i could be wrecked for months. It depends on the situation, my feelings and the person that's leaving my life and i believe the same goes for guys and other girls too.

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  • I do not believe that's necessarily correct due to different factors affecting the break-up situation. I will try to sum them up below:
    1) It depends on who initiated the break-up. If the guy was the initiator assuming it is a considered and well-thought breakup , he may feel pain after breakup as a regular grieving process.
    2) If the guy initiated the breakup, and it was not well-thought, the guy may have sudden feeling of happiness, and freedom. But by the time he notices that he made a mistake (let's say after a month), then the picture you posted may be true.
    3) If the girl is the initiator, and the breakup was a shocker for the guy, he may feel depressed right after because of the initial shock and denial, then start experiencing the regular grieving process.
    4) If the breakup is initiated by the guy, and if it is well-thought, it often means that the person has already processed some of his feelings before the breakup, and therefore, he can skip several phases of the grieving process. Therefore, he may not feel the pain at all.
    5) If the breakup is initiated by the girl, and well-thought, then the girl processed her feelings already while in the relationship, and may not feel pain after at all.

    The pain described in the photo is highly likely the missing of someone, not necessarily the aching for the one that got away. Breakups happen because they're supposed to happen. Think that two people in universe are directed lines going somewhere, and they may cross each other at some point. Some lines combine together and grow, and some lines cross and separate each other to find another one. Breakups happen because these two lines no longer cross, and they already passed each other.

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  • I always wondered this. I do believe that they feel pain but are quick to move on and avoid feeling that pain.

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  • I really think it depends on the person, not their gender. For example my past relationship, I think my ex pulled out awhile ago, so its been easier for him then it has for me. He started being distant a couple weeks before everything boiled over. There is no set way that certain people react to a break up.

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  • for me its te same. i start grieving at te anticipation of breakup then cries like there's no tomorrow during breakup, 2 weeks later im partying wit friends like nothing happened, but i loved him --just that i thought he is happier without me. so i start to forget him until 2 mos later he messaged me saying that he saw me and i completely changed plus other bitter words, i got affected but only in a short time. sic months later i saw him and he was so fat.. he used to be so sexy. i assumed it was due to our breakup but wutever, he's not my boyfriend anymore so i can't do anything bout it.

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  • Actually I think it's true.
    When my "Guy" and I broke up, I was extremely sad for a month but I felt like he didn't give a fuck.
    After the month i started getting over him and by the 3rd month i was way over him, but he came back to me, and apparently he didn't move on, while not only have i moved on but i also started liking another man.

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  • I don't know about guys but as for me - if I like a guy and I get rejected - it can sometimes be extremely painful but the pain doesn't last longer than 1-3 days. When my best friend of 15 years dumped me - I was moderately sad and wasn't extremely upset but the sadness lasted over 5 years - kind of like a dog that was always there for you when you were a child - we had so many positive memories of one another and almost never argued

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  • I think it largely depends on the dynamics of the relationship. In my case often guys stay butthurt for longer because when I end relationships, esp. for a good reason, boy do I sever the ties, I don't just burn bridges, I bomb the f*** out of them and then burn whatever is left. Then I check up on them in a few months time and by then I am all fine but the guy usually still feels hurt. One of my ex's phrased it as; 'you pour petrol on someone and set them on fire, then come back and watch them scream and wonder with a straight face to why they seem troubled'. But like I said, the guys do give me reasons. +40% damage if they make me cry during the relationship/break up. So in my case the post is accurate because of how I deal with break ups which often result to some mental trauma/fixation/insecurity for the male counterpart.

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  • I honestly don’t believe this is true for every male or every female. Generalizing people based on their sex and/ or gender probably isn’t the best way to go. People are individuals, and how they react varies, depending on the situation, past events, and, ultimately, who they are as a person.

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  • I think that is true. More times than not, I'll initially fight to keep the relationship but get nowhere and give up. It is only then that the guys start calling again.

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  • Hmm, I dunno, I haven't talked to my exes about this. I think generally the trend for the woman/myself is true. At first I'm really sad, but later, freedom!!!

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  • I think it depends on who does the breaking.
    It's different with everyone since we process things differently

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  • Different people. My ex and me, yes this was true, but not the timelines.

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  • How anyone can prove this is beyond me.

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    • How my exes feet smelled amazingly sexy 24/7 is also beyond me.

  • Yes I think so. It depends though on what the relationship was like and why they broke up in the first place.

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  • I don't think men feel much of anything at all.

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  • Who is healed in a month after a break up.

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  • Yup, women process differently

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  • it's different for every person

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  • It would be the same I gues

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  • It's different for every person. Period.

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  • i haven't seen this clearly displayed

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  • I think guys hide it a lot better than we do.

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  • Men feel sad, but prefer not to show it outside. As they think that it is not manly.

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    • women what's with the manly, unmanly dilemma? Why can't we just let it go?

    • What's with the manly, unmanly dilemma? Why can't we just let it go?

  • depends who's doing the breakup

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  • Not if thebreakup involve a kick in the nuts...

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  • no not always. like that

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  • women are designed to move on more easily to procreate the species.

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    • Wrong guys are designed to move onto the next vagina and stick it in.

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