Was I wrong for leaving an emotional mental abuse relationship?

[Queenjaileenxo]

So i was dating a narcissist for two years and 5 months who put me through a lot who would cheat on me lie to me manipulate me never want it to be held accountable for anything always played victim always yelled argued with me about everything i was always the problem etc so i had this guy who i have known since middle school we never talked but three years before i got in a relationship with the narcissist we were just hooking up and then when i got in a relationship with this narcissist i would ignore him he would look for me but i would leave on read i would avoid him etc to be faithful to a narcissist. Then when i decided to leave him i told him about everything he had put me through and now that he found that i left him for that guy he is saying im a hoe but he is only saying that because i took him the doordash account from him he was working under my name i was also helping him out financially.

[kylee2437]

My ex did the same thing. He made me delete my social media to keep the relationship “afloat “ meanwhile he used his socials to cause harm. Once I broke off and got my freedom back, he said I never loved him since I decided to redownload social media once I knew I was done with him forever. My best advice here is do not go back to him, block him and let him live his life miserably. You need a lot of time to heal from this situation and self reflect on what you could’ve done to get away from this sooner/ avoid it, because trust me if you go looking for something new very quickly, you are going to fall into the same situation over and over again because narcissistic men go looking for broken/hurt women. It’s a cycle of a trauma bond waiting to happen. So please be cautious, and don’t just think this male friend is an automatic good pick either because he is being there for your current hurt.

[Queenjaileenxo]

This guy I've known him since middle school he has been honest with me and i am aware that this person is a normal person we are taking things very slow

[kylee2437]

@queenjailednxo how long have you been broken up with your ex?

[Queenjaileenxo]

1 month going into two months my new boyfriend is a normal person and it feels weird dealing with someone who is normal he doesn't love bomb me, manipulate me, we can talk and he doesn't get mad or yell at me we can have a peaceful conversation without feeling scared or having anxiety etc

[kylee2437]

So I don’t personally know your new boyfriend, BUT I think him jumping into a relationship with you knowing you have trauma to unpack is quite toxic of him. I know you like him and maybe he is a great person, but there’s no way you can get over trauma in just a month.

[Queenjaileenxo]

Of course not im actually about to go into the therapy im going to look for god and heal little by little one day at a time he is patient with me he gives me space to heal he isn't controlling or demanding he is willing to just let me heal on my own and do what i need to do and i respect that about him he is giving me time and space and what more can i ask for really

[kylee2437]

@queenjaileenxo I’m just saying from experience you may not seem any flaws at the moment because you are currently hurt. He shouldn’t have looked at you as someone that could be in anything serious at the moment and just could’ve been there for you. With it only being a month, there’s no proof that he is a good guy for you.

[kylee2437]

See**

[Queenjaileenxo]

Im aware of what narcissistic abuse is now i had to experience all of that to realize that normal people don't behave like a narcissist does i can tell from evil and i still have my guard up

[kylee2437]

You are aware but you are in another relationship after a month of just getting out of one lol I’m not trying to be harsh here by any means but being aware doesn’t mean you are changing behaviors that protect you from this. I’m sure when you first started dating your ex it took you more than a month to figure out who he really is.

[Queenjaileenxo]

It took me 1 year an a half because i was being love bombed with compliments with how i was better than his ex how i wouldn't complain how i was his soul mate how he had finally found someone amazing etc and then after 6 months he start it cheating i had anxiety to leave him alone or break up with him didn't know i was going through a stage called trauma bond every time he would cheat i would take him back because it felt like i couldn't leave with out him that if he left my life was never going to be the same i put up with the yelling the losing sleep the crying the pain everything for two years every time i would try to leave him he would manipulate me into staying. This new guy he opened up to me and told me he had anger issues years ago that he became aware and had to become self control of his anger he says he doesn't have time to yell at people or to be yelled at that he would rather walk away than to be drained or for the other person to feel drained he said he learned to control his anger something my narcissistic ex couldn't do admit his wrong doings and till this day he still can't admit anything he rather just blame others

[kylee2437]

@queenjaileenxo I know how this all works I’ve been through it and I am still healing from it. He may have recognized some of his flaws but again I think it’s a bad quality that he thought of you as long term material in this stage of your life. He can be a fantastic guy, but is he really supporting you here when you are currently in a fog of trauma? I don’t know your relationship by any means but I just think the concept is off. I had a guy that wanted to date me after a month of my traumatic situation and he ended up having issues himself even though he seemed like such a good catch. I’d just be careful here. You have known him for years but relationships carry different dynamics. Abusive people are only abusive to people they are very very close to (family, friends, co workers , and relationships)

[XXblack88]

Sounds like you did the right thing by leaving him.

[Andres77]

Here are a few “rules of thumb”.

don’t argue with fools

don’t try to understand evil.

don’t declare your pain to your tormentor.

the best revenge is living well.

the idea that telling a narcissist how horrible they are accomplishes anything is amateurish and naïve.

once there is enough evidence to label them a “narcissist” then there is also valid reason to distance one’s self completely…immediately.

Just get the hell away from him and don’t bother trying to declare your moral superiority because YOU CHOSE him for a while. Gtf away from him and reevaluate your ability to make good decisions choosing potential partners.

dont act the victim, act the wise that left pettiness and weakness behind.

[Andres77]

I may sound a little harsh but I do hope you can get away from anyone who would treat you poorly and find a productive path on which to move toward positivity.

[Queenjaileenxo]

Im in a relationship with a good person now

[Andres77]

Good. I’m happy for you.
But if you’re already in another relationship then why are you still trying to understand evil behavior?
Flush it!
Move on and stop giving this vile creature credit for hurting you.
The more you talk about him the more you declare ur submissiveness to his cruelty.
So you become an advertisement for sadistic creatures, under whom you lived for a time.
Do you see that?
Move tf on!
Leave him in the dust.

[Guy13]

He’s not very bright narcissist or not 🤷🏻‍♂️

[Queenjaileenxo]

What do you mean?

[Andres77]

You’re a queen and you can’t figure that out?
🤔🤔🤔

[Stevefiveo]

It sounds like he got in to your head and is trying to make you feel guilty for leaving him. You were only boyfriend and girlfriend so you don't owe him anything. You have the right to date anyone you want.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

You're never wrong for leaving a narcissistic relationship.

[Alex8736]

you got lucky. some people get so trapped

[Queenjaileenxo]

Yes i know i am aware my friend who i was also in a relationship with has been trapped for 8 years with that narcissist as well

[Alex8736]

save all the messages so when it's time to file a restraining order it will be a slam dunk