Why would a guy be ‘shy’ to put his camera on?

[Anonymous]

Im talking about someone I met online. He’s super confident why hiding or not showing his face? I’m the shy one and I’m the one who has to show everything of course lol wth

Updates

+1 y

He sent snaps so I know how he looks there’s no issue here

Updates

+1 y

Catfish seems to be the most popular hypothesis, thanks you guys are definitely less naive than me

[SteveSmith1985]

Well if this is a one-time occurrence, then I would say that he simply didn't feel he was 'presentable' at the time. I can appreciate how someone might not be in an ideally presentable state while you're chatting online.

If it's a regular thing for him, then maybe he's just more weirded-out by the idea of being on camera, then interacting in person. I am not in any way a shy guy. But, I am also not a bit online guy, and I'm not nearly as comfortable video chatting (which I really only do with my niece and nephew) as I am in person, over the phone, or texting. The camera would make me feel weird too. I fully understand where you're coming from in wanting him to turn his camera on. You're not being unreasonable. Still... I DO also get where he's coming from in being a bit 'shy' around this.

I think that the fact that you're confident he is who he claims to be is the most important thing. As long as he's not catfishing... hopefully you two can get-by without the camera being a necessity. Or maybe he'll become more comfortable with it over time (what do I know).

[Asker]

Yeah I can completely understand that, I am like that myself, I was making the effort for him…

[SteveSmith1985]

Fair enough. And like I said, I don't think your request is unreasonable or anything. So what ended up happening? Did he eventually turn his camera on? Or did he dig-in-his-heels and refuse to? Also, is this a one-time thing? Or an ongoing thing?

[Asker]

Well it was ongoing but I ended up leaving. if it was just the camera thing I could have ignored it/respected his wish not to use it but they were so many other things, mainly he was really inconsistent when replying and asking too much

[Asker]

There were*

[faeriiedust]

@SteveSmith1985 I agree with you. Most people, who answered this question, suggested that the guy is probably a catfish, or might be hiding something; however what if he is just insecure, or doesn't feel comfortable chatting on camera? I personally hate the way I look on selfies and videochat apps like Skype, as the camera tends to have a fisheye effect and distorts my features, making my nose look bigger. Everytime I had to use Skype during the pandemic (for a job interview and an appointment with a doctor), I felt super awkward and uncomfortable

[SteveSmith1985]

Well I'm glad it's not something that you're having to struggle with as a potential deal-breaker. And It sounds like things were sketchy with him anyway. "Inconsistent replies" are definitely a deal-breaker. Liars are not who you want to get involved with romantically.

At the risk of asking too much myself: would you be willing to expand on what you mean, when you say he was 'asking too much'?

(this is for my own, personal education. I'm just not sure I know what you mean.)

Do you mean he was asking too much (in terms of commitment, or to get too serious too fast?)

or

Do you mean he was literally asking you too many questions?

or

Do you mean he was asking you to reveal thngs that were too personal and intimate too quickly?

Again, just curious

[Asker]

Okay I’ll DM you…

[coachTanthony]

He's really not into you enough to invest in any type of real life communication. He's really a catfish and will never show himself on video to you. Or he is a scam artist. Either way when people don't want to communicate IRL that's a THEM thing not a YOU thing.

[Asker]

Yeah I thought about these options, we talked a lot actually it was very intimate so I’d be so upset if he wasn’t who he said he was

[coachTanthony]

When you say we talked is that over text? Have you ever spoken to him over phone?

[Asker]

Yes over the phone, and he never wanted to put his camera on even though I was putting mine

[coachTanthony]

That is a red flag for sure. That sucks.

[Asker]

Yeah… i know it’s not a good ‘sign’ I’m just struggling to understand what could be the reason behind…? I thought maybe some guys wouldn’t show themselves if they know they are doing smth wrong/naughty sexually basically

[coachTanthony]

Well can't get to know someone without seeing them and video is a great way so no matter what his reason is he's not willing and that's unfortunate.

[Asker]

Yeah agree

[Labokachulaa]

Wow most of the guys have already hit the nail on the head. It varies by how often this is occuring. Also, it depends, have you already seen his face? At least some of his face? Catfishing is really big, I would hope that isn't going on in this situation.

Sometimes people really are shy, they have a fear of not being what you expected. It's their confidence and self esteem, it has nothing to do with you.

[Account]

He is not who he claims he is/he is hiding something and/or he is insecure

[nawtee_me]

Maybe he isn’t who he says he is? Maybe in a wheelchair or short or not the person he is telling you he is.
I have met a few girls online that won’t turn on their cams either. They will send pics but that is it. I tell them that their last boyfriend has pics of them and you may be that ex boyfriend. I don’t know without seeing you for myself. I eventually think they are scamming me and delete and block them.

[nawtee_me]

@cA4444 not less naive than you just been burned before and learned from it..

[Asker]

@nawtee_me :))

[WindAtMyBack]

This might be a bad sign, or it might not. Just for example:

With some people I don't care, but with some people I don't want to do cam just because my room is so messy. I even looked into having a fake blank background, but it won't work on my computer.

There are a whole lot of bad reasons why he might not want to do cam. I just wanted to give an example that is relatively innocent.

[HighValue]

The only possible legitimate reason I can see for someone to not want to show their face until they know the other person well is because of work. I for example wouldn't want to show my face to just anyone since I work in schools, plus working in liberal CA and posting some of the conservative opinions I have could potentially cause problems at work. (people wanting to sabotage me at work, which I experienced in the past.)

[OlderAndWiser]

When you meet somone online, you get to know them on a very superfical level. His confidence may be false confidence that he is projecting but he may be quite insecure. Perhaps he has something to hide, or maybe he is not who he claims to be.

When you say, "I’m the one who has to show everything of course," are you talking about sending him nudes? Or just talking about shwing your face? And why are you the one who "has to" show yourself? Isn't that a choice?

[Asker]

It’s what he was expecting, without even showing his face on camera, I would expect some reciprocity

[OlderAndWiser]

You aren't required to do something just because he expects it. If all he has shown is photos of himself, they may not actually be photos of him.

[Asker]

I know I know, thanks :)

[DaveJord]

I hate video chat, its Awkard just meet him for a cup of coffee or in in person, that is so much better.

[Asker]

Yeah I wish I had tbh… he lived abroad so that wasn’t an option unfortunately

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Sadly, I would cast that guy to the side forever, he's not playing fair with you.

[Asker]

Thank you.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

You are welcome :)

[Daniela1982]

Sounds to me like he is hiding something. Pics can be of anyone. Only a live video can be trusted.

[AsaKyo]

He's probably hiding something or has this false personality that he was projected onto you and if he video chats, all his lies will be revealed

[ShellyB]

There is something wrong here, I am not sure what, but I would start to pull away but give him an opening to explain if he wants, maybe there is a good reason. JMO good luck!

[Asker]

Yea this is what I did, can't communicate like that

[RealMarek]

Maybe he just wanted to trick you into sending nudes. It’s amazing the lengths some guys will go to.

[AnUglyBarnacle]

Don't show or express yourself in such a manner that others are not willing to reciprocate. If they're sincere / care, then they'll try to match you.

[Asker]

I see what you’re saying… but also I respect other ppl’s decisions and he says he doesn’t want to do something I’m not gonna push for it I like when people respect my own boundaries and don’t questions them

[AnUglyBarnacle]

Please be careful. Don't let your feelings cloud your judgement.

[midnightmoon05]

Because you believe him. He is not shy if he shows you his private parts…

he is looking for fun. Don’t waste your time.

[FinalFantasyBro]

Seems like you being catfish you should stop sending pictures to him if he aren't going to be equal in that regard.

[Shamalien]

I was the same way with my last girlfriend. Eventually I video called with her once I felt comfortable

[DenizLikesTennis]

When that'd happen to me, I'd be alarmed that something is not right...

[Asker]

Yeah exactly..

[Lis-the-librarian]

I know that some people hate how the camera distorts their face on webcams or on phone cameras. The lighting and sound issues as well.

So maybe not catfishing perhaps, although possible.

[Anzyy]

He probably looks like shit at that moment and doesn't want u to see him like that.

Or he probably has his phone downwards (worst position for pics or vid calls) and cba to lift the phone up

[NathanDavis]

have you asked him about why? and if yes... what did he say?

[Anonymous]

Because women are HIGHLY judgmental. This guy knows this. If he's uneasy about it it's probably because that's where it's unraveled before.

[Katyalov]

LOL. I'm surprised you still haven't figured that out. He obviously living with some chick

[ArtemisSilver]

Maybe he hasn't shaved in a while and doesn't feel like getting prettied up for a video call

[Alex8736]

sometimes people aren't who aren't who say they are

[Asker]

Yeah it worrying it was one of my first thoughts

[Alex8736]

catfish 101

[Anonymous]

Please tell me this isn't one of those stupid long distance things.

[pizzalovershouse]

Probably afraid his body an face means it will be used by some one To make pirn money off it

[pascal_climbs]

Fake profile? Beware.

[Summeroflove]

Because I don’t like showing mine online either

[himanshupropliners]

might be he is married and getting fear to disclose his identity :)

[trina_x]

he probably has something to hide

[JPresidente]

Maybe he’s a heavy fella. 🤷‍♂️

[JPresidente]

Some guys sound confident but he may be uncomfortable in front of a camera.

[Asker]

Yeah okay I guess so… but still after several times…

[JPresidente]

Are you guys just talking on camera? Or doing something else?

[Asker]

Well first we were just talking. Why would he not put his camera when just talking its so weird, esp if you never saw the person irl

[JPresidente]

My guess is that he doesn’t want you to see something or someone that may appear in the background. I could offer an additional opinion if you guys were doing more than talking.

[Asker]

Yeah we did more

[JPresidente]

In a case like that, he may feel uncomfortable showing his stuff if he’s small and/or that he performed in front of you and it did not meet your expectations.

[Asker]

But I was always asking for his face, like when we were talking, nothing more, and he always had excuses, I know one time it was a lie for sure he said someone had punched him in the eye and didn’t want to sho and next time I asked about his eye and he didn’t know what I was talking about

[JPresidente]

So he doesn’t show his face at all?

[Asker]

Nope he never did lol

[JPresidente]

Then he is definitely worried about his appearance. He might have scarring or tattoos or a big nose, bad teeth.

[midnightmoon05]

He is a bad liar 🤥!!

[SimianUser149]

Messy room/apartment possibly.

[TallAnon]

Either a catfish or thinks you might record him

[Asker]

Didn’t think about this one yeah that’s possible

[Anonymous]

Facebook has caught a lot of cheaters.

[Opinion Owner]

Be careful could be an Internet ploy

[TheCloud2]

Maybe he has a small dick?

[Asker]

Not that either :/

[TheCloud2]

How could you know? You never saw it

[Asker]

He sent me a picture so I did

[midnightmoon05]

He is all about sexual…not truly interested in you.
When I was single and started this online thing…I generally spend a day or two chatting… then phone call then plan in real life meet within a week or 2.
If he is not doing any of that…I delete.
If the guy sends me pictures of his private… I laugh how small it is and tells him.. I’ll post it online… maybe his wife/girlfriend will see it… then block.
Never give away your respect and your time away.

[Asker]

@midnightmoon05 yeah I know this is what I was thinking too obviously but this is not so clear cut cause he said he wanted a relationship that he liked me etc and we talked a lot so I don’t know maybe he was just lying

[midnightmoon05]

It’s very clear to me that he is not respectful to you…unless you asked for a sick picture… which I don’t think is the case.
Relationships and life is not that complicated… don’t let others fool you… or use you. You are worth more than a toy to those who don’t value u. Words are cheap.

[Asker]

@midnightmoon05 I actually loved the fact he sent me that picture he did it after some time and that was really hot (usually I don’t like unrequested dick pic no)

[midnightmoon05]

Well… good luck with that. If that’s what you are looking for.

[Asker]

@midnightmoon05 I left him

[midnightmoon05]

SMart move.

[JasminTheRose]

Probably married 😋

[Bklynbadboy12]

Cause he's not what he says he is

[Farmerboy2]

Maybe he is jerking off while chatting.

[Cheerfull009]

May be he is scammer