Any other way to deal with the following?

[Anonymous]

I've asked my guy to not gamble, and to not drink so often as he becomes rude and it's hard for me to ignore. He ignores everything I ask him not to do, he ignores me and does the opposite saying im putting restrictions on him. Which I odnt intend to he is a free man and he can do anything cuz I believe in relationships one should be free. There are just a few things if a partner doesn't like we should adjust a bit and compromise. I know people would say just leave if he's not listening etc he doesn't value u etc but is there any other way I can convince him not to do gambling or drink to often?

[zayndan]

No one will change anything about themselves unless they first realize the danger or evil of the thing they are doing and hence want to make the change themselves. So I suggest you can tell him about the dangers of drinking and gambling (I'm sure he knows already, but tell him in a way that shows you love him and don't want him to experience the negative effects of his poor habit choice). Most importantly, pray for him, because the reality is that later down in life these things can truly destroy his health and quality of life and make his life a burden

[BarryLiverstone]

This is tricky because he’s using the drinking and gambling as an escape from reality. I understand what he means when he tells you he doesn’t want restrictions. So a few thoughts:


First of all is he addicted to gambling and drinking? Like if these are things he does a lot and would suffer if he slowed down then he may need help. Doesn’t sound like it but that’s the first question.


Next if he is doing this to cope with stress then does he do more heathy things such as exercise, have hobbies, fun with friends, volunteer.. you could be a positive influence by promoting other healthy choices so that he doesn’t default to these vices


Finally does the gambling and drinking take time away from you and him as a couple? If so you could talk about having more dates with him or together learning a new hobby so that he’s excited to be with you doing something as opposed to escaping.


Just some thoughts, make sense?