Guys, As a man how turned off would you be if a woman said “I like you. If you like me too, please ask me out and pursue me”?

[newgirlontheblack]

Just wondering if men would be super put off by a woman basically saying “I like you and you’ve got a decent chance with me if you want to pursue me.”

[FilmGuy93]

I don't think I would be turned off, but I would be caught off guard. I would probably wonder what the catch was.

Every woman I've known who claims to make things easy always makes things complicated.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't be offended per se. But that last part is foreshadowing. She's basically saying "ask me out but you're still not in the door". So I still might decide to reject you. Which is FINE but as I said, it's foreshadowing. I'm not going to pursue very hard a woman that has put me on "maybe" list. Whether she LIKES it or NOT she has to prove herself to ME as much I to her. 🙂

[newgirlontheblack]

Yeah I guess this is why I wouldn’t do it. I want to be courted and won over by a man. Even one I really like

[Opinion Owner]

And I get that. But what you need to understand is how much rejection men take. Men need to know they're getting somewhere with a woman to "court" her. This is very easy when there is good chemistry because the two become best friends at the heart of it. But let's be honest, few couples reach that level of closeness and camaraderie. Most the time it's manufactured.

Like I say I would APPRECIATE the DIRECTNESS of hers. I'd just eliminate that last line. Because that last line is a turn off. There's NOTHING wrong with having standards. A person (man or woman) SHOULD know thier boundaries, and communicate them well. But there's a difference between knowing you're OK with being alone and constantly reminding him you don't need him. You want to feel courted, men want to feel wanted.

[newgirlontheblack]

Yeah I get it. And sincerely thank you. I don’t want to be diva. I’m just scared if I let a guy know I like him I’ll be in a situation where I’m doing all the heavy lifting

[Opinion Owner]

Yup, I understand. But I can tell you as a guy I've had my fair share of lead-ons from women. You don't like "doing the heavy lifting" I don't like being treated as a woman's self esteem builder.
Let's call it even.🙂

[newgirlontheblack]

Yeah I wish we could all just be clearer with each other. Like as a woman I want to say “hey I like you. I’m a decent girl. If you do the guy thing and take me out a few time and buy me the occasional grocery store bouquet of flowers, I’ll be your girlfriend, cook for you, help you out and be loyal.” But dating doesn’t work like that it seems

[newgirlontheblack]

Wouldn’t it be awesome if there could be a contact “you agree to take me to Applebee’s once every other week, text me regularly and tell me sweet things and in turn I give you unending devotion, weekly sex and on Sunday’s I will make you breakfast”

[serious]

No, I won't be turned off but nevertheless my answer will still be No.

I will refuse her politely and wish her best of luck to find a guy who will give her what she wants in life.

[SnowedIn]

Done. Very turned off. Whether it's intended or not, the condescension in that statement is horrific.

[NamerOfStars]

Appreciative of the clarity, but confused- if she likes me, why does she intend to run?

[newgirlontheblack]

It’s super awkward for the woman to be in the pursuer role. Like I want to tell them I like them and have them do the texting etc. I don’t want to be the one initiating the entire relationship

[NamerOfStars]

So, again, why run?

[newgirlontheblack]

I don’t want to run, but I want the experience where the guy takes me on the first few dates, courts me and shows initiative- especially in the beginning

[hellorambo]

I wouldn’t mind at all, I’m as dense as diamonds when they show interest in me.

[newgirlontheblack]

It’s super awkward for the woman to be in the pursuer role. Like I want to tell them I like them and have them do the texting etc. I don’t want to be the initiator for the entire relationship

[hellorambo]

@newgirlontheblack I’ve only had two relationships in my life, my first was 4 years, the other was 3 months. Both were started by the woman. Not once was it an only them starting the conversation or setting up dates. But that being said, both ended up cheating on me.

There’s no difference with gender on the pursuer role if it’s one sided, both would feel awkward, at the back of my mind I’d start getting prepared to be told she’s cheating on me if it was only me starting the conversation/dates.

But I am fine as I am, I am self sufficient. I don’t mind having a relationship but it’s not the stereotype of “you complete me”.

[spartan55]

@newgirlontheblack
Who says either have to be the pursuer? It's a stupid concept to begin with.

[newgirlontheblack]

@spartan55 yeah I guess I’m just operating under the assumption that if a girl makes the first move with a guy she’s the one stuck making all of the moves. I want to feel courted but I do see how my crush (given the background) would be hesitant to make first move with me if he wasn’t told I was interested

[spartan55]

@newgirlontheblack
Just because one or the other makes the first step doesn't mean they have to assume the lead role entirely. I look at it as a way to kick things off.
Listen, guys ask girls out not knowing if they are interested or not. We learn rejection at a young age, and how to cope with it. Girls, tend to avoid ANY remote chance of being rejection.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Thats not a turn off, it's appreciated.

I've had it happen, and the times I said no were because she was not a match, not because she asked me out.

[Berethor]

No guy wants to be chased trope? I see it as a compliment, even if I don't like the woman.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Not at all, I’d be more like “…. wow, what? I feel like Po when Master Oogway chose him as the Dragon Warrior”

[newgirlontheblack]

This is the sweetest reply

[Dinosaursandanime65]

RHAOU.

[Headstrongcrazylover]

Nope, I won't be turned off, if girls if attractive then I will think about her.

[spartan55]

I'd probably laugh tbh. Then I'd walk away.

[newgirlontheblack]

Ouch

[Alex8736]

it has to be a two way street. takes 2 to tango