I shared my work problems with a male acquaintance of mine, and he didn't offer any solutions like guys stereotypically do?

[Bethany22]

I heard that men assume that when people talk to them about their problems, that those people want the men's advice. However, when I shared my work problems with a guy, he just simply sympathized and said "oh, that must be hard", in a similar way a woman would. But this acquaintance of mine is not a more feminine kind of guy. He's more masculine than most men. So is he just messed up or something?

[SteveSmith1985]

Hahahaha, this... made me laugh.

As a guy who is often guilty of trying to offer solutions as a knee-jerk reaction. BUT who is actually very-much someone women feel comfortable confiding in... My guess is that he is making a point to do so.

Simple as that.

I can't say that it's like a conscious thought exactly. Like I don't go to offer a solution and then stop myself and change course and decide to listen. But I do sometimes semi-consciously (I guess?) do.

We've..."heard" this complaint before. This is not the first time the information that men DO (and it's quite true) tend to offer solutions even when it's not solutions that the woman is looking for from him. He heard that general societal complaint... and decided to try not to fall into that stereotype (at least some of the time). So... I would say it indicates some emotional intelligence. But I'm very biased. (😋)

I won't lie though. If it's a work problem... you better believe I'm going to offer you solutions whether that's what a woman wants or not. In a situation like THAT I'm going to say that I'm guilty of falling into the "Mr. Fix-it" stereotype 100% of the time.

There are, however other situations where I do make a point to listen and support rather than offer solutions. Evidently he just chooses to do it in some situations that I wouldn't (and maybe vice versa).

All I'm saying is... maybe it's not a bad thing. Unless he does it all the time. Or in situations where you want solutions.

I think the critical question is: What DID you want? Were you looking for solutions from him or comfort and support. Because... it IS important to choose the proper response to what the woman is looking for (ideally). So was he correct? Did he handle THIS situation right? Was 'comfort and support' the better choice for you here? (I'm genuinely curious. To me, you would want solutions in a work-problem situation. Maybe not though)

[Bethany22]

Yeah, I think I would have felt better if he had offered solutions. I guess I am a strange woman who actually feels cared for when a man offers solutions. Then again, I'm not really sure what kind of advice he could have given me. I said that my memory for work-related information is bad. Maybe that information caused him to lose respect for me?

[SteveSmith1985]

hahah, well if you wanted solutions, he fucked up if he didn't offer you solutions on purpose. I'm not really sure what to make of him. I think most guys WILL try and offer solutions 95% of the time. But my only explanation for his not doing so, would be him doing it on purpose. But it's a weird situation to do that. Still, unless he generally offers comfort rather than solutions (doubtful) I wouldn't read too much into it.

He definitely did NOT lose respect for you because you said your memory for work related information is bad. That was no problem. That had zero negative effect on how he sees you (no matter what kind of guy we're talking about here).

[Bethany22]

Thank you :D

[OfMiceandMen]

Just curious, do you know this guy fairly well? If not, a guy that isn't used to you might be thinking... oh no, not a another girl that complains about her work day, and not sure what to say that won't offend you.

If you are chatting with a guy you have no interest in whatsoever, then no big deal. But if you are trying to catch his attention, maybe focus on positive stuff, like non work related items, at first.

Guys tend to be attracted to women that have glass half full, rather than glass have empty things to say.

[OfMiceandMen]

Thanks.🙌

[FilmGuy93]

Guys aren't as emotionally clueless as women seem to believe. He probably just realized that women hate being given unsolicited advice, so he's waiting until you actually ask for his opinion.

[MrOracle]

What comes to mind immediately is that he's intentionally trying to keep you at arms length, which suggests to me that EITHER he doesn't want you being romantically attracted to him, and thinks you might be, OR he just doesn't want to get sucked in by someone that (in his mind) has a lot of problems that he'll be constantly having to help. By putting up a wall (not helping solve your problem), he's encouraging you to find someone else to ask for help instead of him.

Obviously I don't know you, or him, or anything about your relationship, but based on the very limited information you've given, it's likely one of those two in my opinion.

[MuskratLove]

Perhaps he's smarter than the average bear, and he's read this book. (which should be required reading)

Smart guys know when it's time to listen, and when it's time to give advice. He sounds like a very wise fella to me. If you told him your car's blinkers are acting funny, and you think you might be low on blinker fluid, that's when he will spring into action and fill the blinker fluid reservoir for you. But if it's something deep and emotional, only an idiot would give advice. His job is to listen.

[xJeremyx]

I think that its not "not normal". Some people learn to ignore their gut instincts and instead do what the other person needs the most.

I make it a point whenever someone is ranting or pouring out to me, to listen and empathise as much as I can. Let them release it all, calm down a little, reassure them, then when they are a little steadier, I can start offering solutions.

I would say your male acquaintance got the whole listening-before-solutions thing spot on.

I would say, pay attention to how he listens. Does he pick up the details that made you the most upset? If yes, he's a good listener.

[RavVid]

Whilst my response is to want to fix a problem, women have responded that they just wanted me listen and not try to fix. Maybe that guy has had similar experiences or maybe he doesn't have a solution.

The magic words "what should I do" might get a different response.

[loveslongnails]

No he's not. That's because for the last 20 years, most women have been saying "I don't need you to fix me, I just want you hear me". Perhaps he's learned that. If you want a man to offer solutions, ask for his help.

[Summeroflove]

You want someone else to solve all your problems? Especially just a acquaintance.


Look. Don’t take your romantic frustrations out on all men.


What kind of question even is this?

[Stevefiveo]

Hmm, it sounds like he is being influenced by what he hears on the internet and gave just listening a try.

[FunkyMonkee]

He might have his reasons for not getting more involved or helpful. I tend to be pretty good at figuring out ways to get things done and quite often, better and faster than the ways I've been shown how to do them.
What's da rub, bub?

[OddBeMe]

Sounds like generalizing males and females. Assholes are assholes.

I think we all have asshole days.

[virgincountryboy]

I am new and everything 6'8 my size long and 23/4 around soft8 3/8 Long 3 1/2 around longSo do y'all ladies think it's bad or good or anything you want to talk about it and tell me about my size and shape and I need help

[spartan55]

More self aware guys will not offer unsolicited advice.

[Luffy1990]

He must be messed up (most likely ) or doesn’t know how to solve. I usually try my best at advice

[Heterosketero]

One PC word for you to answer this question: Mansplaining. He did nit want to be accused.

[serious_miss419]

Well girl, he’s a work associate. Work partners aren’t our therapist in all honesty. Work is no place for emotions

[NostalgiaSenpi]

I'm the same way in that I only give advice to those that ask for it as opposed to unsolicited.

[slatyb]

So he's learned better..

[Ryfyle]

Its that you really don't want advice, or a solution to your problems, just attention.

[Guardian45]

You need to be blunt with guys. "I'd appreciate hearing your input about my XYZ problem."

[Bklynbadboy12]

Wow I'm shocked! He didn't offer any solution at all

[Anonymous]

He sounds like he doesn't care about you at all so your just wasting your time with him.

[Ohnybyby]

That is my instinct as well. All these so called men giving advice basically blaming everything and blaming women for men being failures is ridiculous.

[Opinion Owner]

@Ohnybyby No it's because your going after the wrong type of Men.
There are Bad Men and Bad Women, Most of you Women cannot tell the difference I think.

It's easy, The Good Guys are the ones your usually not Attracted to.

[Mansearching]

He's disinterested.

[Ohnybyby]

I agree. just forget him.

[Mansearching]

He probably has bigger problems or just doesn't wanna hear or try to fix yours same time as his. He's not messed up or anything.

[LemiaOfThunder]

I have no idea

[msc545]

Maybe he had no solutions

[Tstrbrainer]

Not all men are good at giving solutions