Why did my male co-worker started treating me differently?

Question

We are in the same team and we discovered we had a lot in common, basically male version of me, and he used to be very attentive, teased me a lot, tried to make me feel included and asked me about stuff.

Now we still have friendly conversations here and there but it's mostly work related and it's not what it used to be. He answers mostly using emojis when normally he'd send a long text, doesn't ask me anything and overall it feels like I'm just someone who's "there". Also I'm mostly the one who's initiating conversations.

I don't really want to ask him personally because I may be the only one who's feeling like that and it'd be awkward so do you guys have any reasons you'd suddenly stopped being so attentive towards your female coworker?

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

Ahhhhh I see. I actually think it doesn't have anything to do with you at all. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it could be that he was also just as friendly and open with another female co-worker who might've taken offense - and he probably was not even threatening - and she told you guy's manager, and maybe your manager had a talk with him about it. So after that he might feel like he shouldn't be friendly or talkative with any more female co-workers. He's not doing it to slight you, but to protect himself. That is my guess.

You have to keep in mind that men in the workplace get scrutinized for talking to a woman/women, and we often times have to deal with nasty gossip that we're trying to fuck somebody at work simply for talking to a woman in a friendly way. This kind of talk going around can be very damaging for a man, and even if he's innocent and wants everyone to know it, it's hard to get people to change their minds because people are stupid and listen to grapevines rather than the actual person and what happened.

Try to ask him about it outside of work if you can.

Haraklus · Accepted Answer

The reality is that there can be so, so many reasons for this. He could be just talking less in general to everybody. You could have said or done something that put him off. He could have been interested before, but gotten the impression that you aren't interested. He could have met someone. There are about a million different reasons he could have changed.

The reality is, he's the only person who knows. It won't help to ask strangers on the internet. If you really want to know, ask him. Especially if you do like him. Men today, especially in the workplace, have to be -extremely- cautious. If you want something to happen with him, there's a good chance you'll have to be the one to take the risk.

dustybiker2 · Accepted Answer

He's given you signs of pulling back.
It might be something that turned him off or it might be something in his own life he's dealing with that is occupying his thoughts. The emojis is his reply without trying to be rude. I suggest to give him space he seems to be asking for.

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

Easy. He used to like you like you but he didn’t feel any type of response so he is moving on. He’s trying to get over you by treating you professionally as one of his co workers.

Anonymous · Answer

He might feel it’s too dangerous, unfortunately for non creepy men the workplace is NOT a safe place for men to flirt with women, the woman has all the power in the interaction and if she decides, for any reason, she is unhappy, she can get him in a lot of trouble

I’m not saying this is bad, because it helps protect women against creepy men

But every system has pros and cons, and the con here is decent men will not be flirting with their coworkers once they are aware of the risks and evaluate it accordingly

Phoenix98 · Answer

Some other woman probably took it offense to it or took what they were seeing the wrong way or something and HR got involved or something like that. That's usually how stuff like this goes as far as I've seen.

Sounds like he's being strictly professional for the sake of his job.

Or maybe he got a girlfriend, who knows.

Makus · Answer

Need more details but it seems like he was being flirty with you and probably was hoping for more than just friends. From what I got here is that you played into it as well. There was probably something that happened at some point down the road that showed him you weren’t trying to be anything more that what was already established so he pulled back out of respect and probably the fear of coming off creepy, to you or other people around.

spartan55 · Answer

He lost interest (if he had any) because you didn't reciprocate interest, OR his girlfriend found out about you.

jshm2 · Answer

You've either become boring, or are not the love interest any more.

Nik1hil · Answer

He self-rejected himself. Because you did not make a move.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Maybe he likes you but realized you were just stringing him along.

whistlingwh0res · Answer

oh quit that job already. I hear you hating it

Anonymous · Answer

Would you consider him a friend?

rienna888 · Answer

Ignore him harder

Why did my male co-worker started treating me differently?

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Why did my male co-worker started treating me differently?

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