How do I get over the shame of sleeping with an unattractive 37 year old stranger whilst blackout?

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

He was really weird and really creepy and really unattractive still lived with his parents at that age and his private part was like micro. I was on a date and he left and cut it short because he missed his ex so I was upset I’m so ashamed of myself that I even went to church today. I’m really traumatised from my rape and have very little support and it’s been causing me to make awful decisions

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry to hear that you had a traumatic experience with this person, and that you're struggling with feelings of shame and self-blame. It's important to remember that you are not responsible for the actions of this person, and that you deserve to be treated with respect and dignity at all times.

Here are a few things you can do to cope with your feelings and move forward:

1. Seek support: It's important to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can help you process your feelings and provide you with a safe and supportive space to heal.

2. Practice self-compassion: It's important to be kind and compassionate towards yourself, and to remind yourself that you are not to blame for what happened.

3. Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care practices that help you feel calm, grounded, and safe. This may include exercise, meditation, spending time in nature, or engaging in creative activities.

4. Consider reporting the incident: If you feel comfortable and safe doing so, you may consider reporting the incident to the authorities. This can help you take back a sense of control and may prevent others from being victimized by this person.

Remember that healing is a process, and that it's important to prioritize your own well-being and boundaries throughout the process. It's okay to seek help and support, and to take the time you need to heal and move forward.

[TonyV]

Don't you live with your parents?, don't have a car or license?, and no real job?

Kind of the pot calling the kettle black if you ask me.

Maybe instead of insulting these guys when you sober up, you should stop getting blackout drunk and fucking strangers, especially knowing you're going to regret it later. Who do you expect to get with being a blackout drunk thats a 5 or 6? Do you really think you're gonna wake up to some guy that looks like Brad Pitt or Jason Samoa?

STOP BLAMING THE GUYS WHEN YOU KEEP GETTING BLACKOUT DRUNK, IT IS YOUR FAULT.

You ever heard of fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?
Well how many times before you learn? Shame on you.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

How am I blaming the guys? They shouldn’t have touched me. I actually don’t understand who you think you are passing so much judgement on me. I have worked before, I have been to school before I have volunteered before I go to church the gym, do gymnastics I have hobbies and goals and aspirations I love to read and I’m a great friend you are judging me on stuff that can easily be changed I’ve been to interviews all month. That’s an effort. How is a 22 year old girl in that situation even remotely similar to a 37 year old man? Enlighten me. I’m going to school I’m August, I’m applying for jobs I plan to get my liscene before summer. Then what are you gonna say? Oh but I made mistakes in the past due to my trauma. Judgmental isn’t a good look

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

And by the way that guy wasn’t a 5 or 6, he was like a two and that’s me being generous the guy the last time was probably a 7. But it doesn’t excuse what he did

[TonyV]

It's not judgement, I'm sure it feels that way to you cause you can't take accountability for any of your actions, all you do is play the victim card, but you are no victim, and I don't care about your hobbies and admiration, you made fun of some guy THAT YOU FUCKED for things you do yourself, it's hypocritical.
It's only your fault you are out here fucking strangers that you are ashamed off, and don't give me the trauma bullshit, that's textbook victim card bs. Stop getting blackout drunk in public and participating in things you'll regret, take accountability for your actions, get yourself under control.

"I was blackout drunk" is a shitty excuse that only works once if at all, you gonna use that excuse when you finally get a car?

[TonyV]

I was calling you a 5 or a 6, I've never seen the guy

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I have had encounters with very attractive tall muscular tanned men and had them take me on real dates men with good jobs etc. I know I’m hotter than a 5 or 6 , you rating me unprovoked just shows your odd character. Victim blaming allll the time. The case i reported was real. Police wouldn’t have entertained it otherwise I’m not sure why you are this level of hateful

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

That guy deserves to be made fun of he is literally disgusting and I wouldn’t have so much as looked in his direction had I not been completely hammered

[TonyV]

Can't victim blame if you aren't a victim...

The point of pointing out your a 5 or 6 was to try to get the point across that these men aren't coming after you cause you're super hot, they go after you cause you're an easy ro get alcoholic.

[TonyV]

And making fun of anyone you choose to sleep with is really making fun of your self, you say he's a lover, well why did you fuck a loser? Makes you sound like a loser.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Really? Why do I get guys when I’m just walking to the gym or in the gym or even when I’m totally sober? Nah you don’t know what you are talking about

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Someone that drinks two nights per week with a few week gap in between some weeks is an alcoholic?

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

You know what your entitled to your opinion and thoughts good night

[Mewzinc]

@TonyV so if you get drunk and black out and find out that some guy had sex with you in your ass, it's your fault?

[TonyV]

Yes exactly. Especially the 2nd, third or forth rime it happens.

If I get drunk and blackout driving and hit a school bus that's my fault isn't it?

[Mewzinc]

Two different things. If you were a good person with morals, you would call an Uber. Someone, man or woman should never be blamed for something that they couldn't prevent at the moment.

The difference is that person wants to drive a car while the other one doesn't want to get raped. Do you think they want to get raped? It's called rape for a reason since it implies they never gave their consent.

If someone passed out, was never able to give their consent and a very digusting person walked right up saw this person can easily be manipulated and taken advantage of while obviously unconscious, its the persons fault for being too drunk to say no and put up a fight? Or the fact that they were there regardless giving this person a free opportunity to commit a crime? The answer is it's rape and not right regardless.

Do you think they want to drive drunk? It seems yes since they are seeking out their keys and getting behind the wheel. Do you think the person wants to get raped? It seems no, right? I mean rape alone implies that it was done against their will.

Choosing to drive drunk, the actual word choosing is in there which means they had a saying in the matter. So you think the person was choosing to get raped? I get why you are comparing them but it's not the right comparison. They are a huge difference in the state of mind.

[TonyV]

Then maybe she should Uber home before she gets blackout drunk and has sex she'll regret, point is its a pattern of the same mistake at yhis point and she isn't learning from it or taking accountability for her part.

[Mewzinc]

But it's not sex. Sex means she gave her consent and she never did. Do you not believe in the word rape? Do you always think someone always wants to have sex even if they say no and fight back? There's no point in saying she should have done this or that. Its already done she can't take it back. But what would be better is if she limits her alcohol intake and don't go to parties or bars often/at all or bring a trusted friend that'll have your back.

I think Man or woman, if they are a rapist depending on how far they'll take it, they'll always look for any chance to take advantage. I do agree that someone should avoid certain situations and try not to put themselves in that situation if they can.

Like me personally I am extremely paranoid and I never go to bars or parties for this reason alone. There are too many shitty people out there that do disgusting things like this. I did go to a New Year's party years ago at a friends house and had the misfortune of being sexually harassed by a drugged up guy. I immediately left after so that I didn't have to be around him or to continue being a victim by his creepy and aggressive advances.

Everyone is controlled by the devil in small or big ways. Not everyone is a good person and everyone should be wary of those around them.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

How am I avoiding accountability you weirdo I literally said I was ashamed and made a poor decision? Are you okay.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

And also don’t ever insult my looks again ur in the minus levels bye

[TonyV]

Odd that you find average an insult, clearly you're listening to much to the simps and have an inflated ego, let's be real maybe on a good day you can be a 7 but I'm sorry sweetheart, you ain't a 8,9, or 10. and you're avoiding responsibility by demonizing the guy involved who for all you know was also drunk and unable to consent, you're trying to shift a disproportionate amount of blame on him.

See when you make a mistake you say you mistake and end the sentence, no buts.
You proceeded to list a whole lot of buts to make yourself appear better and him look worse

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I am a 10. I have been told by others I am and other woman have even said so. I can sure as hell pull very attractive men so …

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I have good hair clear skin white teeth I’m in good shape if people call me a 10 I have the right to believe them.

[Mewzinc]

@Bekaaaaaaaahhhh don't waste your time on him. He's one of those guys that likes to start shit with women.

[TonyV]

You right, silly me, I forgot every woman Is a 10.

Those men saying surely aren't saying just so you'll sleep with them...

[lightbulb27]

study up on trauma therapy. find a support group for starters.

blacked out from what?

I guess it starts with forgiving yourself for what you didn't know at the time, and then going into the past to correct traumatic events that lead up to this traumatic event. Go from there. The hope, forgiveness, etc.. you learn in church is good reinforcement.

we're all messed up, everyone in their own way.

And then you build a platform on all that grief turned to strength and you help others overcome their issues, then your wound feeds you and others! Look what Christ did... look what so many others have done. That's the formula!

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Thank you so much this helped and given me hope

[motownplayer2000]

Ok. Your whole post doesn’t make sense. You said you were ashamed for sleeping with a dude you deemed unattractive, rant about all the negative things.. nowhere in the first few lines are the entire thing did you explain he forced you to have sex. And then all of a sudden at the end he raped you? I’ve known women to accuse men of sexual assault and rape when the man either didn’t do something that the woman wanted, got drunk and woke up and found out who they actually slept with or in your case, was ashamed and cried wolf. If he raped you, you need to go to the authorities and at least report it. But if that’s unsubstantiated, like it sounds right now. You should take responsibility for that.

[noohair]

I am so sorry that you were sexually assaulted. Look, everyone make mistakes. I have learned that sometimes not making a decision is the right decision. Have you gotten any therapy from a rape crisis center? There is help out there for you.

[JoeMichael67]

You need to admit yourself into rehab, like today.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

May I ask rehab for what?

[JoeMichael67]

You're being assaulted while blackout drunk.

[Anonymous]

Come on people

[Alex8736]

no judgement here but I'm so sorry that happened to you. if there is anything you need or want to vent I am a good listener. just saying

[Bklynbadboy12]

I'm here for you but you have to stop putting yourself in these situations

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

:( I messed up and I feel absolutely worthless for it

[Bklynbadboy12]

Don't do that to yourself everybody makes mistakes just learn from this mistake ok

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Yeah I’m not gonna go clubbing anymore

[Bklynbadboy12]

Your young you can go clubbing but don't drink so much you have to have some self-control honestly I think you need a good man in your life to stop you when you make these impulse decisions

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I don’t really want to club at the moment maybe later on

[Bklynbadboy12]

Good that's shows growth I'm so proud of you

[tinydiva1991]

Shut your hoe ass up! Trying to sound like a victim. You’ll be doing it again next weekend lol

[Guardian45]

If you were "blacked out", while "sleeping" with a stranger; that's called rape!

[MrCommodore]

You poor girl, I feel terrible for you.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

wow I don’t need pity but I appreciate you not passing judgement towards me

[MrCommodore]

I don't pity you, Its more sadness to hear of this horrible type of stuff occurring to any person.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Maybe I should stop partying until I have better company and better limits of my alcohol intake

[MrCommodore]

We all make mistakes, learning from those mistakes is what makes us who we are. You will find someone who genuinely cares about you, who you are mad about too.

[MrCommodore]

What do you want in terms of Love/relationships etc?

[verylovelyguy]

stop getting so drunk. it's a bad habit

[Anonymous]

LMAO

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Point me to where this is funny

[Opinion Owner]

The part where you're not American. And the part where you think strangers can help you. The part where you were blacked out, but remember his micro. The part where you called it "rape."
You really need to up your trolling game. lol

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I didn’t call it rape I was raped two weeks ago I know it was micro because I seen it when I woke up later on I wasn’t black out black out I was still aware of what I was doing

[Opinion Owner]

Are you American?

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Why do you care if I’m not American or not

[Opinion Owner]

Because you're a fraud.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I’m not a fraud I put it there by mistake if I was a fraud I wouldn’t of been honest about it

[Mewzinc]

Completely disgusting person. Do you not know anything about rape? You could be awake, 100% sober and freeze up with fear and experience every second of it and it's still considered rape. Why? Because she did not give her consent. In any situation, if she never said yes, then it's rape.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

@Mewzinc who’s a disgusting person me?

[Mewzinc]

@Bekaaaaaaaahhhh no the opinion owner