How do you get over the fact that someone your dating has slept with a lot of people?

[Anonymous]

So I started dating this guy who has been my best friend since we were children. He cherishes me and I appreciate him. The thing is, I still have complicated feelings about both of our past dating experiences. Throughout high school I didn’t date even though I was one of the pretty girls and a lot of guys did try to date me or liked me. I didn’t get my first boyfriend until I was 20 but by the time I was 21 we had already broken up. I valued my virginity, and I gave it to him because I really trusted him and felt he cared for me. Giving him my virginity didn’t feel like a mistake until after we totally disconnected from one another. It felt like he was gone, walking around with a big piece of me that I could never get back and only then did I start to accept that he didn’t deserve that piece of me. I had always just assumed I would be with the guy I gave my virginity to forever and I made a mistake. During that time, my childhood friend was engaging in sex with so many women that by now he has admittedly slept with AT LEAST 100 women and he is only 22. Im 23, so it’s been a few years since the first relationship ended with the last guy. He reached out to me a few weeks ago for the first time in years and I think he wanted to reconnect but I shut it down. I realized that my friend was a guy who had consistently cared about me since we were kids and everybody around me knows it. He liked me for years and I didn’t give him a chance back then but there has never been a doubt in my mind that he would give up his bachelor lifestyle in a heartbeat for me. And within 2 weeks of dating he is already showing a lot of effort. A long time ago, when I was dealing with my heartbreak I got drunk and came onto him and he refused to do anything with me while I was drunk. His words back then were “idc if I never get another chance to be with you. I won’t take advantage of you.” I know he cares for me. But we have a lot of differences in the intimacy department

[Searlas]

Don’t, I repeat, don’t date him, you don’t wanna hear this and you wish it’s real and still go ahead but it will end in tears. Old habits never die, men who are used to many different pussies, are easily bored with one, unless you can bet yours will be the best and ends there - the truth, women pussies aren’t 100% positioned the same, taste the same, feel the same or sized the same and if he has ever gotten a better one among his body count, he ain’t stopping at you. To him there is nothing special about you, only that he hasn’t gotten into ‘em pants, all those women in his body count, felt the same - “special” treated special because that a players trick to make a woman feel special, so that she can lower her guard and he strikes. Not engaging in sexual act when a woman is drunk is a known trick, he’s not a fool knowing well you will get mad when you sober up. You seem to be a woman that really values or attached to her body much, relationships are all about taking risks, so, gamble for someone you have no knowledge of how many women he has slept with, it will help you build some trust otherwise dating someone you already know and have trust issues will not work, you will always be suspecting him, arguing about it and he will be doing it.

[ChrisMaster69]

Do you care for the person or their past.

let’s say you leave him, meet a new guy but not as good as first, he says it’s 2 people.

you marry him, have kids, then one night he confesses he actually slept with over 1000 girls.

How would you feel about the fact you left the first perfect guy?

history is simply that, it should not (to a point) influence how we feel about the person without that knowledge.

neither partner would normally know what each other’s history numbers were in reality, you could lie even about virginity.

[ChrisMaster69]

@ pretty pink Anon most appreciated

[ChrisMaster69]

@ pretty pink Anon thank you most appreciated

With the thank you added lol

[btbc92]

Stop dating him. That's not something you want in a partner, then by you processing him, you make a decision if you want to eliminate him out from qualifying to be a partner. That's what dating is about. You're not meant to keep each other, you're meant to find a suitable partner. And if he's not a suitable partner, you don't date them. You can be his friend maybe, but you don't go any further. You don't get over anyting. Either you going to be with this guy, or you're not. I know for myself I'm not. Which is why such men like that are deal breakers.

[btbc92]

Listen. You made the choice to be the manwhore here. You may care for you, but you got to live with the fact of you have sex with him and especially if you get married to him at the version you realize you're going to have sex with all those women plus him. That's a lot to contend with and that is a recipe for disaster. That is not fair on you, and he's the one that has to live with it. If you don't repent of his sins, that's it. You are not responsible for his stuff to a different. You are not responsible to because you rejected him in the past, for what you chose to do. He could have waited if he really wanted to pay it but he didn't wait. So why should you be forced to accept someone like that when you never done those things yourself? He needs to change for himself. Because everything that he chose to do has nothing to do with you. You understand. None of his choices from way back when all up to now have zero to do with you. He's twenty-two years old, he's a grown man, let him be responsible for his adult decisions.

[btbc92]

That's why you wait for marriage to have sex because you see what you experienced. Those guys in high school did not like you for you because they don't know you. They like the fact of what they said, and like how you ended up with your boyfriend, it would have been the same thing no different. No different. You didn't your friend back then, probably would have been no different either. Just that what he chose to do sexually may or may not have been any much different. By the way, you deserve way better than this. But you got to change how you choose to approach sex the same way he needs a change. He approaches it. And if you're not going to wait for marriage to have sex oh, then you got to live with the decisions. The same where he has to live with the fact that he slept with over 100 women.

[btbc92]

If you cannot accept and love the reality of the person, that's a sign that says you shouldn't be with a person.

[MarMarch333]

Amen! I mean why rush into sex like there is no tomorrow if it's important for you don't just jump into bed.

[boggboss]

You decide if its something u can overlook if its not then dont pursue things simple at the end off the day he has done nothing wrong here its just somthing u have to learn to accept ot not

[MarMarch333]

That's just dumb sorry my girl. Why rush into sex if you cared so much about your virginity? You should have waited a little longer, see if he really is the one who you can trust. You just gave a really important piece of yourself away.

[SamFromFL]

By taking things slowly so you build trust and know he’s not going to cheat on you.

[Agape93]

You get some thicker skin and suck it up

[Furuok]

Fuck what I know ! Your mine now !

[Iron_Man]

I take a big pass

[Anonymous]

Date someone else.