A little complicated, but I have been friends with this male years and years. We have always had a very close flirty friendship, previous partners have been skeptical of us both in the past but nothing not even a kiss has ever happened between us, that is until a month ago. Randomly, completely unplanned we ended up having sex. It was the most amazing, passionate sex, sex that can’t be faked. We have spoke of sex in the past but always said if it happened we wouldn’t let it ruin the friendship, we CANOT for reasons I can’t go into here ever be more than what we are, the furthest it could ever get for us was having sex. Since then we seemed ok, we didn’t talk too much about what happened and just carried on as friends. 2 weeks after it happening he asked if I wanted to “stay over his” he’s never asked that before ever so I assumed he wanted us to have sex again, seen as when I declined he said to message him a time when I’m alone to see him. But since, when I mention other guys he goes silent on me and ignores me. The first time I showed him a photo of this hot guy as work, who I had told him about before we slept together, he said he looked homeless and then ignored my other messages. I didn’t think too much of it until I was getting ready to go out Friday, he was speaking as normal and asked where I was going. I said I was meeting my ex, he’s had a rough time so I’m checking if he’s ok. No reply, I then sent him a few photos from our “date” which he replied too, and then a photo of my date led on my legs resting, and since that message he’s completely ignored, hasn’t responded or opened anything, hasn’t watched any of my stories “even if we’ve fell out in the past he still watches mr stories” it’s like he’s disappeared on me. Was it likely becus he was jealous or he’s just done with me now we fucked
Is he ignoring me becus he’s jealous or am I just trying to make the best of the situation?
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Okay from where should I start,
First as a Virgin and a Muslim, I view sex out of marriage as a bad thing but I always advise non Muslims that If they sleep with someone that person should be at least a close friend or someone you have known for a long time.
In this case, you got him and yes.
He’s jealous because he thought that you two were low key going forward with this relationship but you did the opposite of that, instead of encouraging things to move forward you went out with other men and teased him with your sexual life which caused this silent behavior because he can’t do anything about it.
Why can’t he just be mature and tell me I’ve upset him? Instead of purposely hurting me. I didn’t send those messages to get at him, it’s the way we’ve always been. He’s always been my go to person, if I would go on a date he’s the one I would report everything too, but since us sleeping together I’ve obviously noticed this difference. Now he’s point blank ignoring and avoiding me. Do you think he’ll ever pick up my messages and actually reply?
As for being mature you both acted amateur from the beginning.
To be realistic here, you’re the one who hurt him.
Do I think that he will pick up your messages?
Yes for sure.
But would he talk about what he feels probably not.
That’s my view on this post and I can reflect more because I don’t know both you to judge.
Ok thanks, I wasn’t sure if I was just imagining it’s him being jealous as a denial thing, but if you agree that’s how it appears it must be. I’m sure eventually he’ll reply and read what I’ve been messaging, and when I ask why he’s not replied he’ll brush it off and say he’s been busy 🙄 I’ll ask if I’ve hurt or upset him and he’ll say I haven’t. Round and round we go lol
Good luck.
Before you hooked up, were you always doing all this? It just seems a bit excessive, like you notice he’s being a bit distant and as a result you try harder and harder to engage or get that normalcy back.
Umm I don’t really understand, how I’ve acted since we slept together, is the way I’ve always acted with him. I’ve been on plenty on dates and communicated with him during and after them. I’ve spoke about sex with different people to him and he’s never seemed jealous. It’s just this past month since something has happened with us. I haven’t tried to push him away, I’ve tried to keep things normal with us.
Honestly I think it’s a sign of his own emotional immaturity. You went into the situation having made peace with the fact that you two can never be more than sex, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s on the same page. I don't know if he’s just trying to distance himself because he knows it could never happen, or having a hard time being casual friends now that you hooked up. Only he can give you a clear answer, and I’d suggest having a serious talk with him about it, but if you don’t want to do that then let his actions do the talking. If he’s noticeably pulling back then just do the same and wait it out. Maybe after a bit more time passes he will be back to normal, but in the mean time it can’t just be you engaging and basically getting blown off. If he’s not your only friend then talk to your other ones for now, love your life and let things unfold.