Why is he doing it? what can I do to make him stop touching me?

[Anonymous]

There is one colleague at work, we have a good relationship, we are more or less kind to each other, but I have no other interest in him. He was still a new employee when he started touching, touching is mainly manifested in a shoulder touch during a conversation, whether it is talking about work or for example during lunch, in addition, when he gave me a seat in a row, he gave me a seat by putting his hand on my waist.
Recently, when we were looking at something on the computer at my desk and I was sitting at the edge of the desk in order to avoid touching him, he was pressing his arm to mine. I am 25, he is 29. I am not a touchy person and not open others to touch me.
1. Is there any possibility that all of his actions to be just friendly?
2. what might be his intentions?
3. How to make him stop this without ruining somehow friendly relationship?

[Fuentes]

Lol sadly what he's doing is sexual harassment, so your gonna have to be straight up and rude and when he does touch you jerk away hard, like let him know to stop. If he doesn't be like can u like not touch me. And if he still doesn't then you may need to go to HR and submit a sexual harassment claim but I mean maybe u can try ignoring him before u do all this and maybe he'll go away hopefully.

[OlderAndWiser]

Tell him, in private, "I am not a touchy person at all, for reasons I don't want to explain, but it makes me feel uneasy. It would be a lot easier to relax and be friends if you could avoid the physical contact with me."

[MrOracle]

This right here. Do this privately (you don't want to embarrass him around other people) and don't be accusing in any way - just tell him that being touched by anyone is uncomfortable to you, and that you don't want to feel uncomfortable around him, so could he please make a point to avoid touching you.

[serious_miss419]

He’s crossing a common sense boundary. Physical touch without consent.
Speak loudly and firm, “I don’t like when you touch me, you can speak to me without touch”.
If that doesn’t work moving forward, get llore louder so other people hear it when you address him. Make a sene so he is impacted and embarrassed.

[BoopBoopBeep]

@serious_miss419 Did you not read her whole question?
"3. How to make him stop this without ruining somehow friendly relationship?"

Do you think making a scene so he is impacted and embarrassed is in accordance with the asker's wishes?

[serious_miss419]

Excuse me Sir but he’s already made her uncomfortable, why on earth should she be considerate. Boundaries are important and if they upset you, then that’s on you

[BoopBoopBeep]

@serious_miss419 So you go straight to the nuclear option every time "you're uncomfortable"? Because speaking loudly and firmly like that at work is going to get him written up or fired. For engaging in common social practice in most of the world outside of angsty america. Is that in accordance with the asker's desire to NOT ruin their relationship?

She should be considerate because SHE SAID that's what she wanted to do, and it's HER question not YOURS. Doens't matter if you want to crucify everyone who doesn't purposely avert their gaze when looking at you, that's not the situation SHE is describing and I think it's more appropriate to help HER how SHE wants to be helped, not serving a personal agenda.

[serious_miss419]

Suit yourself. Answer her question with your opinion instead of crucifying other people’s answers. Triggered much?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Like this?:
I think your response is excessive, your judgement is poor and your motives are tainted.

I wasn't going to. I thought it was excessive, but you asked for some reason.

When I'm triggered it looks different.

[leah_steenz]

I'm the same and I found It's better to just be straight up with him. You can even do it in a joking way like if he touches you again be like: oh no i have this thing about touching other people it just completely freaks me out"

[ProbablyClueless]

1. There is a possibility, but it doesn't matter because you don't want to be touched.

2. It doesn't matter what his intentions are because you don't want to be touched.

3. Just say the words "hey, I understand that you aren't trying to be overly foreward, but I don't like being touched."

[jshm2]

He is probably doing it unconsciously.

Best thing to do is move away a little. If she comes back to touch again, is when you speak up and tell him not to do that.

[belle_kai]

If its bothering him you have to speak up. If he continues to do it then speak to your boss. He might think you're ok with it, just communicate. But if he carries on you take that to HR

[belle_kai]

Bothering you***

[Mynameisbobby]

Let him know that his touching you is making you feel uncomfortable. It could be he doesn't realize he's doing it. Does he do this with other women in the office?

[Vikkrram]

I think he is misreading your friendly nature Just clear to him that you don't like touching

[FunkyMonkee]

Get a taser and, every time he tries, give him a blast.

[Staximus]

Take him aside and tell him "listen pal, I'm not into all that touchy feely shit so let's just keep it strictly professional."

[Blueeyes81]

I don't like to be touched either. I recoil whenever someone does. I would just explain it to him.

[boobliker]

tell him to stop it up-sets you, if not report him to HR

[Iron_Man]

Just tell the guy you don’t have to touch me that’s not my style

[msc545]

Knowqing his culture would help to understand this - in some cultures what he is doing is not considered unusual or wrong.

[Anonymous]

Report him if he is making you feel uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Next time he leans in grab his balls and twist. If that doesn't wake him up he's truly stupid. 😆

[KrakenAttackin]

Have you simply asked him to not touch you?

[Cheerfull009]

He want to go in sexual relationship with you, you stop him if you don't like

[barn_stormer]

he likes you. tlel him you have a boyfriend.

[najekim]

Politely, but firmly, ask him to stop.

[In_Trance]

break his fingers