Agree or Disagree: Most guys who act hard are really just hurt deep inside?

Question

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Men who have experienced major, sustained trauma are usually "hard", and it's usually not acting. Men are either shattered by trauma - which does sometimes happen, or they toughen up.

If you have ever met a combat veteran, you will usually have met someone beyond fear. When you have been in situations multiple times where you should have died, and friends of yours died right next to you, and you have taken lives yourself to survive, threats of violence stop being something you fear.

I remember a news story about a decade ago where an old man in his 80s - a Korean War vet - was being robbed at gunpoint along with the cashier of a small grocery store (bodega). The old man was beyond fear - he had a can of beans in his basket, and he used that can to beat the robber nearly to death.

There have been many similar stories. Well, it's not just war that causes this - growing up with severe abuse and neglect can do much the same thing, but without any of the moral framework you get in the military. These men become the hardened, violent criminals who will be quick to beat or kill someone

Yes, there may be guys who are faking it, but there are plenty who are the real deal. Some are inherently good, and some are as bad as it gets.

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

Yes & no... it's been known forever that to be a tough man you have to experience hardship/challenges in life! But when you write "just hurt deep inside" you are dismissing his toughness as if it doesn't have value when in fact it is tough men who built the civilizations. Not soy boys who prance around trying to act like women in as many ways as possible.

It is actually the avoidance of challenges and hurt that has led to a western society full of weak people who can barely function since they are so emotionally unstable.

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

I think a lot of people grow thick skin after previous experiences of humiliation, abuse, and trauma. I rather the dude act hard than have no backbone

Chikky · Accepted Answer

It's not about hurt, I feel it's more of like, they're already tired of being in a relationship before even starting it

Lynx122 · Answer

I wouldn't know. I can't read the mind of other men and I myself don't qualify for this category. Every person has a different story of how they ended up where they are, different struggles, traumas, worries, anxiety, maybe mental illnesses. And different ways of coping with all of it. Some people can work through a lot of bad things and others never seem to really do any introspection and just stay the same and just expect everyone else to deal with their behavior. That's just how it is.

Personally I think mental health is the most important aspect of our life but in any aspect of life that you can imagine there will be some people who just don't put in any effort, don't care, or it's just really hard for them and they avoid it or they're too busy with other things that are more important to them. Most people just do what gets them through the day. And I guess being hard does the trick for some ^^

soulbabe · Answer

I can't speak for men but I will say yes if you experience enough trauma and pain you become hard people mask pain in different ways some people get stoney and quit me personally I smile laugh and make a lot of jokes but if I'm not directly interacting with someone I will have " resting bitch face"everyone thinks I'm mad

But I also don't react to threat's the way everyone else does anymore for instance if you start yelling screaming and making death threats I'll stand up and just watch you I will not speak I will not scream but I'll be watching your heands

Because I'm waiting for you to do something stupid waiting for an attack to decide when and where to strike back

I react like this because someone has attempted to murder me twice so now any fast movements or Acts of aggressive behavior have my full attention

Jackblue · Answer

That goes back to the whole Hard boiled detective fiction, where the detective is a cynical strong guy. People like those sort of dramas, because men look up to those heroes and (some) women desire such men because they want to be mother figures to them. Honestly though I think that is just some people's personality.

RyanK9b · Answer

Kinda yes kinda no. Its pain that makes them strong and build their character.
Mostly they wouldn't associate their character with the past. But thats how all people are.

If you don't get hard through hard times then you are just weak

AaronKrieger · Answer

Not always, but a lot of the time it can be the cause. I mean really everyone is hurt deep inside and we all just handle it differently.

Mariammhan · Answer

It depends tbh if his a crowd follower he will have the same attitude as his friends but if he has been through tough time like jail , unemployment then probably feels like he don’t want anyone letting him down or hurting him because he must of never felt supported and loved properly.

hamzaelll · Answer

They act that way, because it s the only way to survive certain situations. Most guys learned to act hard to not go through the same shame or humiliation they felt after acting themselves and being themselves, and because no one understood them or stood by them or even tried to comfort them. So, now they act hard to protect themselves from whatever it is they experienced, and to not expect anything from anyone.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

This reminds me of an interview with Mike tyson

DJB72 · Answer

I've worked with some guys who were just that tough that they had excellent coping skills. I've even been accused of being one, although I'm not sure.

The strongest men I've seen aren't afraid to cry. It generally makes them come over as far harder nuts.

Guess when half the guys you know are in the forces that's what you see. Real strength.

glennos89 · Answer

You are not getting real hard if you haven't gone through a shit load of shit!

The worse your life has been the harder you become in order to be able to survive and get on going in life!

People aren't born tough they are made this way because of all the shit and hard times they were pulled through 🤷‍♂️

genericname85 · Answer

disagree. simply cause it's not a "male specific" statement. it's a human statement that's true for humans. hurt people hurt people. doesn't matter if they happen to have a dick or a vagina between their legs.

Lionman95 · Answer

I disagree because there could be other reasons why a guy acts hard such as social expectations.

Fuentes · Answer

In order to be cold af you have to be hurt and only know pain and suffering and constant traumatic issues arise though out child hood to your adult hood. I see it as bitch assness to address this as being "hurt" when you become hardened it's not an act it's cause your cold and society and the way u grew up. made you that way.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I think they're guys who are hurt deep down from failed relationships, so this can be true

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

Hard times make strong men. Strong men make good times.

exitseven · Answer

Yes, they have been hurt so they close off their feelings so it won't happen agian.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Disagree. Most people tell me im a really nice person. But inwardly im extremely broken

ArrowheadSW · Answer

It is one of the reasons. The other could be a sort of defense against bullying. Or the person might be socially awkward and he might think you are "supposed to" act hard if you are a guy.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

First I'd like to get a shared definition of what "acting hard" looks like. I know that phrase means different things to different people, and in different circles I've seen it take on different meanings.

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

It is called posturing. It is done only to limit the chances of being in a fight.

Some men just do it to look alpha in order to attract women.

There may be some merit to being hurt inside. Only rarely.

Anpu23 · Answer

Or scared. People who act hard are often just hiding their own fears and inadequacies.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends what you mean when you say "hard". I'm not hard, I'm guarded. But my experience with women has taught me most want to figure you out to EXPLOIT you. So I have a good reason to be this way. If she's quick to want to do that rather than just ACCEPTING who I am. Then that's clear red flag about who she is, and what her motives are.

megzs16 · Answer

Agreed. I think guys who act that way are either hurt deeply or they are super insecure with themselves so they feel the need to make up for that elsewhere.

Meropatrick · Answer

Very accurate. I think its a way to adapt to an abusive environment

Declan123 · Answer

Agreed, become emotional vulnerability can be hard for men and acting hard or like a jerk is a protective mechanism. I've been there before and had to be brutally honest with myself

monghjay2 · Answer

no life just teaches you YOU MUST BECOME HARDER the world does not give a damn about us

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Anyone who acts, is either hurt or tries to appear stronger than they are. But if you think they act and they aren't, you're in trouble.

StormChaser838 · Answer

Though there can be many unique reasons, the above one is usually the main one.

OfMiceandMen · Answer

I would agree. The hard to get one's tend to be that way for a reason.

BadApple69 · Answer

I agree only because of the word “act”. If it’s an act then there is some other underlying issue.

NathanDavis · Answer

can't be the only and just one reason... must be many other factors involved as well

eterna1drag0n · Answer

I'm tough because of life experiences. It's not an act.

Andres77 · Answer

Act hard vs actually hard. bully vs been in some shit.

Heolurt · Answer

I agree and disagree, it's better to be a hardened man then to open yourself up to getting yourself hurt or betrayed.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Some are real deal fucking crazy that'll set your next stage in a hospital! Most are pansy ass bitches that fold like a napkin at a picnic.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Hard men have led hard lives. Weak men have led soft lives.

Jazzy54 · Answer

Either that or they’re just assholes. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Sabretooth · Answer

Reminds me of this:

OddBeMe · Answer

What does acting “hard” mean? Just being an asshole?

Lunatic1 · Answer

Not always, it is true a good bit of the time though

Anonymous · Answer

That doesn’t mean they won’t knock your block off. With a smile.

Twoplay · Answer

I act hard and tough because I take care of my family so they know there is always there who has there back

Goodvibes2 · Answer

No because if I am hard that means I have a boner

PaulieRitcher8908 · Answer

I'm one of those guys.. and on behalf of all guys who are hurt deep inside.. stay strong..

RingOfFire · Answer

Yeah, it's true.

Anonymous · Answer

Not all of them. Some act hard because they think it's cool.

msc545 · Answer

I think they are mostly depressed.

Djaay · Answer

Never underestimate someone.

Actor3 · Answer

Yes and the worse are wife and kids beaters

MissBoogus · Answer

Aren’t we all hurt?

Christoff92 · Answer

Yes. That's true.

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

Nah. Some guys just grew up that way

Habshater22 · Answer

No some men are exactly what you see and hear

Willy4U · Answer

Agree lol they watch to much movies

rigmarole · Answer

Nope.

Walt832 · Answer

Life experiences.

Anonymous · Answer

Lol it's applied on girls too?

Emmy87 · Answer

Yes I think so

Farukhn · Answer

Yeah

Agree or Disagree: Most guys who act hard are really just hurt deep inside?

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Guys, Do men play hard to get, emotionally?

Agree or Disagree: Most guys who act hard are really just hurt deep inside?

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Guys, Do men play hard to get, emotionally?

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