Guys, Do men play hard to get, emotionally?

[Anonymous]

Do men like playing hard to get emotionally while they can be total opposite in bed? I'm getting mixed signals regarding his intentions as physically he seems super involved and connected mentally. But when we are not together he seems to want space tho he doesn't say it. M confused.

Updates

1 y

I meant, in bed he seems connected and involved however when we aren't together, he seems slightly distant.

[MrOracle]

If this relationship essentially started in the bedroom, then the most likely reason is that he just sees you as casual sex and doesn't want you to get emotional attached. As a woman, your job is to straighten out the emotional situation BEFORE you engage sexually - if you don't, then falling into this situation is going to be common.

Men lead relationships sexually, so if women do the same, there is no one looking out for her best interests, because most women need the emotional connection, and in both directions. What most women don't seem to realize is that, unlike women, men don't develop emotional connections over time, even with sex. He either has those feelings for you - at least the seed of those feelings - or he never will. If you choose to invest in a guy who doesn't have those feelings for you from the start, then don't be surprised that you will end up getting used most of the time.

You cannot love someone enough, or be attracted to them enough, to make up for them not having those feelings for you in return.

[Asker]

Ok so it was a mix. We met for a few dates and then we got sexual. During the dates, he turned me on in my mind and I was hooked... however as soon as we went physical after a week or 2, I don't see him trying to converse much anymore... I think I showed him all my feelings but I do like him so much... :( How do I reset and start from scratch 😄 is there even a possibility to do that? I feel like a fool

[MrOracle]

No, you can't "reset" or go back. You have one chance to get it right, and that's from the very beginning. Once you've gone too far with a guy, there's never any going back - you can either continue as-is or end things completely, which is why it's so critical to get it right in the first place.

I understand that your feelings and desires are strong, but if you let them override your logic and reason, you're going to get used and played every single time. By definition, the attractive guys are attractive, and they're also usually very good at using their attractiveness to get their way, but being attractive does NOT make them good for you - and in fact, the two things (attractiveness and goodness) are rarely found in the same package.

The ONLY person who can save you from getting used is YOU - and that depends on your ability to temper your attraction and desire for hot guys with your logic, and to make sure the guy has good values, morals, and compatible life-goals as you. If he doesn't, then you'll never be able to have a real relationship with him or keep him long-term.

[Jamie05rhs]

This is what happens when you get sexual before establishing an actual relationship. There is no solid foundation. So everything that happens during the sex is temporary. It's all a mirage.

Contrary to popular myths, men don't actually bond through sex. Women do, but men do not. Men bond intellectually. If you want to keep him, you have to convince his mind to fall in love with you. Not just his dick.

[Asker]

Ok so it was a mix. We met for a few dates and then we got sexual. During the dates, he turned me on in my mind and I was hooked... however as soon as we went physical after a week or 2, I don't see him trying to converse much anymore... I think I showed him all my feelings but I do like him so much... How do I reset and start from scratch is there even a possibility to do that with men 😄

[Jamie05rhs]

See? That's the thing. He turned YOUR mind on. You didn't turn HIS mind on.

As far as a reset goes, I have no idea. That's a difficult hill to climb. I wish you the best, though.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO.

[FilmGuy93]

Nah. There's no "playing hard to get" with men. Just repressed emotional baggage and a refusal to get close to people.

[Guy13]

As a guy I don’t even understand what you mean in terms of categorical classification, processes, and/or even the question itself 🤷🏻‍♂️. Update?

[UniquelyBasic]

Outside of the bedroom it seems men have a hard time being emotional in general. Either they go too far and trauma dump or don't show any emotion whatsoever.

[Anonymous]

His hornyness emotionally involved on bed not he...
Outside bedroom after sex you doesn't exist.

[spartan55]

Uh... no... that's a myth

[In_Trance]

never