For someone 24 years of age, I have often wondered why I have never been able to date.
The first time someone showed an interest in me, I was 16 years old.
Naive me invited them over, which ended up in sexual assault.
This led me to having a hard time opening up to men especially.
The second time someone showed an interest, I was 18. I was scared to death it would happen again, so, looking back, I realise how much of an asshole I had been to that person, even when their intentions weren't bad. I had my guard up high, but also think I victimised myself at that time.
As I'm getting older, I feel more desire not be on my own anymore. I have been going to several therapists and psychologists, been doing a lot of work on my mental health and honestly I have started to feel comfortable again, to develop feelings for someone. However, every time someone comes close, I still shut down. To the point where even the word 'date' is repulsing to me.
Sometimes I feel attracted to someone, and even though this feeling might be mutual, I sense there's always something that keeps us from getting closer. I am not someone to play games or beat around the bush, so it's not like I'm into playing hard to get or trying to wear a guy down to the point he'd no longer be interested. It's more that I feel like the guy always senses I'm not as ready as I might think myself to be. How does that work? How do I make it go away?
I have met people far more emotionally unstable than myself, who can be in a relationship... what are those build on?
The first time someone showed an interest in me, I was 16 years old.
Naive me invited them over, which ended up in sexual assault.
This led me to having a hard time opening up to men especially.
The second time someone showed an interest, I was 18. I was scared to death it would happen again, so, looking back, I realise how much of an asshole I had been to that person, even when their intentions weren't bad. I had my guard up high, but also think I victimised myself at that time.
As I'm getting older, I feel more desire not be on my own anymore. I have been going to several therapists and psychologists, been doing a lot of work on my mental health and honestly I have started to feel comfortable again, to develop feelings for someone. However, every time someone comes close, I still shut down. To the point where even the word 'date' is repulsing to me.
Sometimes I feel attracted to someone, and even though this feeling might be mutual, I sense there's always something that keeps us from getting closer. I am not someone to play games or beat around the bush, so it's not like I'm into playing hard to get or trying to wear a guy down to the point he'd no longer be interested. It's more that I feel like the guy always senses I'm not as ready as I might think myself to be. How does that work? How do I make it go away?
I have met people far more emotionally unstable than myself, who can be in a relationship... what are those build on?
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