Are many men really that totally clueless with women?

[Anonymous]

I had to block an idiot that wouldn't stop talking about sex, even after a previous warning to stop.

I even posted on my profile that I'm (36 F) looking for commitment and will immediately block anyone that's into cyber sex or asking sex questions. I've only had one relationship in my life and my time got wasted for nothing. I'm still looking.

The idiot wouldn't stop. Do men really think we function like them? What part of I'm looking for commitment don't they understand?

[Anonymous]

Yes we are especially as teenagers. ﾠ

[Oliverlogan263]

Unfortunately, yes - many men can be clueless and insensitive when interacting with women, especially online. Here are some reasons why:

1. Objectification - Some men view women primarily as sexual objects, not full human beings. They don't consider women's needs, feelings or boundaries.

2. Entitlement - Some men feel entitled to women's attention and affection, whether she is interested or not. They don't see the need to respect a woman's stated desires.

3. Lack of empathy - Some men struggle to put themselves in a woman's shoes and understand her perspective. They lack the emotional intelligence and empathy.

4. Assumptions - Some men make assumptions about what women "really" want based on harmful stereotypes. They don't consider that each woman is an individual with her own wants and needs.

5. Immaturity - Some men, especially younger ones, are simply immature and haven't yet learned social skills and emotional literacy needed to interact respectfully with women.

6. Online disinhibition effect - The anonymity of the internet causes some people to act in ways they wouldn't in person, including being rude, vulgar and disrespectful of boundaries.

While not all men behave this way, these factors help explain why some persist in pursuing women solely for sex, even when she has clearly stated she's seeking commitment. You were absolutely right to block that man for ignoring your profile, needs and boundaries.

In the future, don't hesitate to block anyone who disrespects you, even after one warning. You deserve a partner who truly sees and values you as an individual, not just an object for his desires. With patience and discernment, you'll filter out the clueless men and find someone worthy of your time and love.

[Asker]

Thank you for the understanding in the reply. Unlike one replier here saying I'm being picky at my age. I actually look a lot younger due to living a healthy life and good genes. I hate it when men think that just because I'm in my mid 30's I should settle for being treated a disposable sex toy and not ask for much. I have the rights to have my own desires of wanting a life partner and seek for like-minded men.
Then this was happened too and I find this just as upsetting too:
I have a male friend that knows my issues of a terrible love deception I've gone through. We remained friends because we weren't on the same page and supposedly he respected that boundary. Yet, at some time he was already trying to make some moves and I had to remove his hands from me several times.
Or on online chat with another guy when we were getting to know each other more. I explained part of my sad moment in my life and how my ex boyfriend scammed me (yes believe it or not, I've been used for money too... I lost $1,300), I was explaining a sad story of my life and he was already asking for sex. This was like an ''Omg are you freaking serious, seriously, I'm feeling so sad and all you're thinking about is how to get in my pants, serious''.

[Oliverlogan263]

You’re welcome. It sounds like you've had some really frustrating and upsetting experiences with men who lack empathy, respect and emotional intelligence. A few thoughts based on what you've shared:

1) You absolutely have the right to seek a life partner who matches your desires and values, whatever your age. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You deserve to be truly seen, understood and respected in your relationships.

2) The behavior of the "friend" who made unwanted advances was unacceptable. Making moves on someone who has expressed only platonic interest is disrespectful and crossing boundaries. You were right to remove his hands and create distance.

3) The guy who asked for sex after you opened up about being scammed and hurt showed a stunning lack of compassion. His priorities were clearly self-centered, not caring about your feelings at all.

4) While some men do mature enough to form deeper, more authentic relationships, it sounds like you've mainly encountered men who are immature, self-centered and lacking in empathy. This is unfortunately common.

5) Always trust your gut. If a guy's actions don't align with his words, or he disrespects your boundaries, cut him off. You don't owe anyone further explanation.

6) Stay focused on your own growth, happiness and goals. A good partner will enhance that journey, not detract from it.

You deserve so much better than the toxicity you've experienced. With patience and discernment, I believe you'll find a partner who truly sees and respects you. In the meantime, prioritize yourself, your healing and your joy. You've got this!

Hope this perspective provides some validation and reassurance. Please let me know if you have any other questions. I'm happy to keep supporting you through this.

[Asker]

You're very wise for your age. Don't change for anyone.

[Oliverlogan263]

Thank you very much and never will ma’am.

[RespectfulGuy]

There are already 2 or 3 good Opinions and I'll not repeat.

Men are as clueless about women as women are about men. You're a great example.

In as much as you want commitment and love, men objectifies and want sex.

In as much as you hated being objectified and endless sex pursuits by men, men are just as frustrated that women kept asking for commitment and love and rejected sexual advances.

Notice now? Both genders are just as clueless.

And due to this, many never pass Phase 1, which is to enter a romantic relationship.

What women (or you) not know is, when men felt satisfied with sex, he will want to "settle down". Many even start to think about kids and starting a family.

Hence its a misconception that men "only want sex". We do. But in its own time, we seek love and commitment too.

And when we love, we are deeply into it. This is why great poets and writers (like Shakespeare) who create romantic works (like the Phantom of the Opera) are all men.

[Asker]

yet asking a complete stranger sex questions online when I haven't even seen him in person or already trying to get into our pants when the woman is expressing a sad moment of her life is definitely the wrong timing for him to go after sex... that's a no brainer.

[RespectfulGuy]

It was not so before 1923.

It was the last 20 or 30 years that the Internet allows men and women to find freedom to express sex and sexuality.

And regrettably, not for the better.

[Finchie40]

The thing is most men today don’t want to jump into a relationship with a girl , until he really gets to know her and feels she is in it for the long haul , to be honest it’s stupid to jump into a commitment with someone right away , mainly because all relationships are great in the beginning , because you are both infatuated with each other , Intimacy and affection just comes natural, but after some time the infatuation period may fade away once you both realize you don’t really have much in common with each other and then one of you is standing there heart broken when the other decides to walk away , Bottom line most of us guys want and need sex with a girl we value and appreciate , it’s how we express our feelings to a girl we really like. When intimacy and affection fades in a relationship, usually cheating occurs or one partner walks away when the intimacy and affection fades and feel the other doesn’t value or appreciate them, So it’s always a 50/50 chance when meeting someone new , Most people do not look at the big picture before jumping into a relationship with someone, they are just infatuated with that person , I am not saying go have sex with every guy that wants to date you but don’t use it as a weapon either , once you meet a guy that you have sex with , just focus on that one guy and more than likely he will focus on you before giving your heart completely to him , cuz you never truly know what someone’s true intentions are until the big picture opens up , I take relationships seriously , I won’t commit to a girl that can’t commit to me period , for me to commit she has to have a heart and she has to be loyal and caring and shows she isn’t a selfish person and she understands what it means to be in a relationship, but I never truly know her true intentions , my thing is if she keeps coming back for more and more then I pretty much know she wants to be by my side and I will stand by hers

[Asker]

Yes I've learned the hard way that just being in love and a man saying ''I love you'' a bunch of times doesn't mean he'll be up for a lifetime commitment. He can keep me forever as his girlfriend for endless years but not really want to be with me for life, as in marriage. Then again, my first and only experience was really with a narcissist. It took me a long time, to fully figure him out and then realized I've wasted my years on him, emotionally invested so much to never get commitment at the end, never get a proposal. I hate narcissists and I hate stallers. Stallers are the men that continue wasting our time, wanting a prolonged 5+ years in the infatuation period and it never progresses.

[Asker]

Also, I can really afford to take too much time, too much years into the infatuation, dating period. I actually want a life partner, someone with like-minded goals, someone compatible, someone I can talk about serious topics such as how bills are spend, someone I can share my assets, someone that I can rely on if I can't make medical decisions, someone for life, not just a temporary boyfriend that can walk away easily any time the going gets tough

[Asker]

**Also, I can't

[Asker]

I don't want to be a girlfriend for 5-6 years. I've heard that the longer you wait, the worst and by then maybe both people don't want a lifetime commitment and get too comfortable with how things are, that they then want to have one foot out the door at any time... that's not a full commitment.

[Finchie40]

Yes sadly it has to go both ways for any relationship to work , you both have to choose to commit and choose to stay committed no matter what obstacles you face , remove selfishness for each other, resist temptations for each other , understand you can’t always be right and your partner is wrong , when you have a disagreement you fix it , not run to someone else thinking they are going
To save you , Make each other your top priority , when I find a girl that does that for me I will do do it for her as long as she makes me feel valued and wanted and appreciated, when I meet a girl that I am interested in and I feel she is interested in me I jam just honest with her and let her know what I am look for , let her know the things I like and enjoy , pretty much putting the ball in her court
On whether she wants to continue seeing me or not. That’s all we can do , we can only give what we want to receive , if I am not receiving constantly what I am giving then my ass is walking away , but if she is standing by my side no matter what then I am going to stand there with her

[MrOracle]

Not that many, but certainly some. And it's not always that they are clueless - though for sure some are - but others are just looking for casual sex ASAP and don't want to waste a lot of time to get it. They know that it won't work with many women, but it's just a numbers game - if only 5% of women will give him casual sex quickly, he's just got to pursue 20 women before he'll find one.

It simply means that he was never in alignment with your goals, and that's going to be common. Expect it, and test for it, and filter out the guys who don't pass the test. Also, set boundaries and expectations EARLY.

[clampfan101]

I wouldn’t even need any experience to know I would be practically nothing like that. Sure it would be tempting to want to talk about sex, but it’s not all I want to talk about. I want to get to know the people who want to be friends or more, just as much with women as with men. (Probably more so, really.)

[Asker]

It's also so infuriating whenever men tried to get into our pants if we're undergoing a hardship or have gone through a terrible heartbreak, then instead of understanding... he's already asking sex questions, already trying to get into our pants. No brainer.

[clampfan101]

Ya, it’s hard to believe that’s as common as it appears to be. How is anyone that stupid?
What kinds of things do you like talking about the most?

[Asker]

I like talking about ancient history sometimes (ex: the ancient Egyptian civilization), some psychology, possible life forms on other planets, basic day-to-day conversation about our jobs, goals in life, etc.

[clampfan101]

That’s cool. I’m a video game nerd and also like learning about science and technology. I also like anime and trying to be creative.

[ProbablyClueless]

Unfortunately, most men really are that clueless about women, yes. Most men haven't been taught good enough social skills to read between women's lines. And on the opposite side of the coin, most women don't know how to make their intentions sufficiently clear.

[Asker]

I also hate when men do this... so infuriating:
A woman is undergoing hardships, is depressed or is gone through enough already and instead of basic empathy, he started asking sex questions or starts putting his hands on her... she's depressed and all he's thinking about is how to get into her pants.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's really sad! When my girl lost her father (before we met) she got sent a condolence message by a guy she knew from college. Like 3 hours later, he sends her a follow up that said "I can't stop thinking about shagging you."

Like, dude... she lost her father. I can't believe it has to be explained that that's in poor taste.

[Asker]

Omg. I really hope she send him to hell, told him off. I'm usually not the type to blow up and hurl offensive words but I wouldn't be just upset. I would be super furious. It's unbelievable how several men lack common sense.

[Lionman95]

There are at the same time many guys online that ask for sex since they are porn addicts and the only thing they can think of is sex. So they aren´t clueless but ignorant instead.
At the same time there are some guys that are actually clueless but rather because they´ve been told the wrong stuff by various people. But those guys are rather an exception.

[Anonymous]

You're 36 and you're still acting picky. The nice guys have came and gone in your 20s. A decent guy is looking for a young attractive woman who can have kids without down syndrome or autism.

Your good options are gone now. You let them them slip out of your hands. No men are not clueless you are.

[Asker]

So is not want to be treated like just a hook-up material (esp when I've never slept around in my life) being pickup?

[Asker]

*picky

[Asker]

After that relationship ended after a horrible deception, I had to even take several psychological sessions. I hope you never bump into a literal eso life sociopath that drains the life out of you.

[BoopBoopBeep]

He's not actually reading/paying attention your profile he's doing that with 10 women and whoever bites wins. It's just a numbers game for him.

[Anonymous]

Women are generally a numbers game for guys. Sure he gets slapped 99 times. But that 100th times makes it worth it.

And yes, some women do work like that. Spend a little time on here any you'll see it.😆

[jeffend888]

You're 36. You don't really have a whole lot of options at this stage.

[Asker]

So I have to accept being a disposable sex toy? I'd rather be alone than be used for sex.

[Asker]

I didn't know finding love has an age.

[Asker]

I've never had random sex with strangers in my life and if that's the only option (having worthless short-term flings) or nothing than I'd rather have nothing.

[Anonymous]

I know I am, but I would be in the opposite side of talking about sex.

[Jmmmfi4]

Yes we definitely are