Why do men get scared of making a move on women?

Question

Women with whom they’ve been friends for years and flirted a lot with? Do they just not see you that way, do they fear losing a good friendship? What’s the story? I’ve heard of this happening to other women, it happened to me once and I’m genuinely puzzled.

coachTanthony · Accepted Answer

Guys get scared because it's hard wired into our DNA. If you hit on the wrong woman back in the day you could get your head chopped off by the village leader. Our brains haven't caught up yet with the times and is trying to protect us by giving us that FEAR which isn't warranted.

Shy_Steve · Accepted Answer

Because we can easily be thought of as Creepy or Weird by you Girls, Which is like publicly being accused of a heinous Crime to us.

zeitgeist057 · Answer

Some barriers that have kept me from making a move:

1. Professional boundaries: coworker, or a client/provider relationship which goes either way. It's risky to hit on a customer due to possibly losing your job, and risky to hit on the person providing you with goods/service, because they are "trapped" by their job and makes it potentially creepy. My brother and I talked about this just yesterday and agreed it's fine to cross that boundary but you have to establish some chemistry and be more or less certain she's into you. But even then, it can sometimes be iffy and one should tread carefully.

Why do men get scared of making a move on women?

2. Reputation: Trying not to be "that guy" who gets known for asking every woman out. Even though it makes sense if you ask out one woman and she says no, time to move on and ask someone else. It still starts to make you look desperate, even if you aren't, and lowers your social value in the eyes of others and reduces your chances of getting a "yes" out of someone else. How many women want to date the guy asking her out if the woman sitting next to her just rejected him? It's also a matter of her social value at that point, and she loses face if she accepts this "loser". The smaller the population, the more this is a factor.

3. Friendship, or whatever. As you said, there can be a fun dynamic between two people and trying to take it to the next level could mean it all goes away, or turns into something less fun. It could also simply be something he doesn't want. I have a few friends who are women who are really into me and it's fun to flirt with them and get attention from them, but I would never want to be in a relationship with them. I value them and their friendship, but I'm just not attracted to them that deeply.

Next question: Why do women fret about this, longing for him to make a move, rather than simply making a move themselves?

BoobSlayer · Answer

Firstly, let's address the elephant in the room - or should I say, the two elephants in the room: melons. Men love boobs, plain and simple. They can't help it, it's programmed into their DNA to seek out the perfect pair of juggernauts. But with great power comes great responsibility, and the pressure to make a move on a woman can be overwhelming, especially when the object of their desire is sporting a great set of gazoongas.

Boobslayer believes that the fear stems from the potential rejection that comes with making a move. No man wants to be shot down, especially when the stakes are high and the reward is a chance to fondle some fiery biscuits. Rejection can sting like a slap to the face or a kick to the milkers, and the thought of being turned down can cause even the most confident man to second-guess himself.

The real reason why men get nervous around women: mammory glands. Boobs are like kryptonite to men, rendering them helpless in the presence of a well-endowed woman. They become tongue-tied, sweaty-palmed, and their minds go blank. It's like trying to solve a Rubik's cube while blindfolded. The solution is simple: assimilate breasticles with alluring androids. #assimilate

ohsheeT · Answer

Well that's the whole thing is men are not afraid to make the first move but they are afraid of the second move.
They are afraid of opening that first door because then they think that girl wants a commitment after that
What most guys want is they love that flirt they love flirting with certain people to make me feel certain things
With that certain thing a beautiful experience can come from it.
But they don't want to commit after that they just want that experience with that person
Because it can be one of the hottest sexiest experiences ever

They want that friendship to keep going but not in a relationship way
Only in a friendship way which sometimes is more powerful than a relationship

So if your friends for a long time you flirt for a long time if the guy wanted to be in a relationship he would already have asked you but if a guy likes you in a different way whether it's a friendship in real life or online and you both like to flirt he wants to take it a different direction he wants to flirt he wants to f*** and he wants to be your friend and if you're willing to do that then you have to let him know that because otherwise he will not cross that line
And what I said above about about a friendship being very powerful like that it's because it could eventually lead into something deeper but it has to go there first because that guy really wants to know even more about the person and wants to know if they are compatible how kinky she is a loving caring and the only way to get there is to do it that way without a relationship relationship
That's why that type of friendship can be very very powerful we all like to flirt weather in real life or online but in some cases you just have to be very patient and give of yourself
Knowing that you might not get anything in return except for that moment of fun but you never can tell where it's going to head and guys don't want to make that mistake of doing one thing and the girl thinking another thing

Sonorous · Answer

Well there are many possible reasons. But I'm gonna go over the most common one based off what I've seen & even experienced in the past:

A lot of men place a large part of their innate value on the ability to successfully attract a female. It can even boost a mans status in many hierarchies which will even attract more women. Especially ones they are attracted to. Maybe unbeknownst to the conscious part of the males brain, it's got to do with mating ability. So by linking their ability to mate very closely with their sense of self/ego, if they get rejected, they will take it as a major ego hit that could likely emotionally crush them. And if they're an ugly guy, oh that rejection might even spread like wildfire & have an even more negative effect for the guy.

I used to be like this when I was younger. Now I'm different ofc. For better or for worse, I don't place such high importance on these things anymore. It takes real introspection though & an active effort to manage that emotional part of the brain. The goal for al men should be to be less emotional in this regard. Especially in modern day since there are so many options.

Anonymous · Answer

I have flirted with or asked out "friends" - girls I wasn't super close with, but was friendly with. Usually these were fairly new "friendships." Now, if we got to a point where I felt comfortable flirting or asking her out, (she might be different and either say yes, or at least she might be kind about saying no...) and then I get screamed at (yet again) loudly (or publicly humiliated) just about every time, even if we seemed like we really hit it off. Even flirting would scare most girls enough to start showing that "not so pretty side." They think it's time to burn that bridge, and then firebomb that cliff just to be safe.

Now, if she's one of the few girls who even bother to talk to a guy, then that guy might honestly not want to ruin that. Or lets say the guy somehow sees some issues with your "friendship" - like she's a girl who has completely different ideals or wants in life, or she's irresponsible... or she spends like crazy and maxed out all her cards... Some guys would hate that, especially if they want to settle down or have a serious relationship.

And then SOME guys just flirt with everyone (just like some girls), and it means nothing, or it's "practice" or it's just trying to get a "temperature reading."

silvermoon84 · Answer

It can be scary for guys these days. Some women will label him a creep if they don’t find him attractive and reject him in a nasty way. In worse situations, he could face false rape accusations. I’m not saying you would do that, but there are women who would and unfortunately it can be hard sometimes to tell good people from bad ones. Or he could be afraid of ruining the friendship. It’s happened to me before despite us trying not to let it ruin the friendship so I know it can happen. It could also be he’s not sure if you feel that way about him.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

It's because every guy has lived, personal experiences with getting all the green light signals in the world from women, only to be rejected and treated horribly. This is something we have experienced for ourselves, and the cost of the rejection is ALWAYS the destruction of that friendship (at the very least) and usually alienation from the larger friend group.

I've had multiple situations in my own life where the woman was clearly into me, everyone I showed the signs to said she was into me, her girlfriends wanted us to date; the whole nine yards. When I would ask the girl out, she would condescendingly tell me I misinterpreted her signals, shit talk me and try destroy my friendships with other people in the group.

Most women are not anywhere near the nice, kind people they think they are.

blueonblack22 · Answer

Honestly how is it so many women still naively ask this question. They put zero mental effort into considering:

The guy risks being publicity humiliated (usually by the girl’s overprotective and jealous friends)
The guy risks being assaulted by a jealous boyfriend or husband
The guy risks being #metoo’d and having his reputation and livilihood destroyed.

Now those are all worse case scenarios. They are justified outcomes if the guy is aggressive/rude. However the 3rd negative outcome unfortunately is a growing reality for guys. The scariest thing is the woman might #metoo him years or even decades after the incident occurred.

But why is it women don’t even consider these legitimate fears that run through guy’s minds about this? Like they put no mental effort into understanding it.

Giddyup · Answer

There is a lot to this, but staying with your point "friends for years" I can only think of two possibilities in that scenario for me:

1) She is not my type, love her as a friend, not my type. I would add to this that I can't be friends with a woman outside of social situations, work, etc... I won't lead you on, and as I tell my partners, if I am speaking solo with a woman, get out, because I will always end up with physical intentions. Just being honest

2) Your dealing with a genuinely good guy that is afraid to make the move for all sorts of reasons. This one is complicated, because you have to read the situation to know. But in this case, if you feel as though there is a potential here, make the move yourself. Be congenial with this, but what is the worst that can happen? You meet a guy you like and have an amazing time with?

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Because we over analyze your behavior trying to get a clear indication of mutual attraction. If things don’t line up perfectly or too much time lapses without a good opportunity we talk ourselves out of it, lose interest and move on.

When awkward creepy guys “harass” women and you all complain about it, normal and/or slightly awkward guys lose confidence and are afraid of being perceived as creepy. A girl said I was being creepy in high school and it devastated my confidence for a decade. The actually creepy guys are probably not going to be discouraged from public shaming, but most guys will take a hint- even if it’s not there.

sheenagwapa · Answer

some men ate dumb and don't get it that she cannot eat his personality. he kerp tryinh and tryinh without ookinj at himself of how a monstwr he is. there's this gut who have wronged me A BLION TIMES whqt do yoy expect feom someonw WHO GETS SO MAD IF YOY DO NOT SMILE IN HIS STANDARD WAY OF SMILING. fucking LINATIC

Anonymous · Answer

Because ever since we are little boys we are taught that a male's value is directly correlated to the number, and thr quality (beauty) of the women he gets with.

Men fear rejection because it causes them pain. The pain of knowing you aren't good enough.

That's all it is. Men fear to not be good enough. And with no way to know how to become good enough, you get this website and the hoards of angry men spewing BS all day every day on this site.

And the women are just stooping down to their level. Ladies need to wake up and stop playing games with these raging losers.

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

It goes back to school and our status there. I was the lowest person in school. Everyone hated me including the teachers. I had no chance with any girl at school. Therefore I don't think I have a chance as an adult. Girls treated me like crap and harassed me all the time. That experience is still with me and traumatized me into adulthood. The freaks and geeks grow up and are awkward because we're terrified of you treating us like we were in school. You're scarred us for life. We expect you to get your boyfriend to beat us up, lure us into a trap so you can humiliate us. We don't trust you at all.

hbg84 · Answer

For myself personslly i stopped trying because every girlfriend I've had has hurt me. All of them used some form of mental manipulation. A couple of them would say they loved me one day then the next day break up with me. Then a day or 2 later beg for another chance and tell me how much i mean to them and that they loved me.

One tried to baby trap me. She was actively trying to get pregnant while we were together.

The last girl i liked i spilled my heart out and was rejected. No she barely speaks to me. Considering we would spend hours on the phone.

Marklaw12 · Answer

Yes we do in today's world.

We all know if an ugly guy does it, it's harassment but when a good look guy does it, it's cute/hot.

However, when a good looking guy does it but it wasn't how the girl vision it, it becomes rape. Maybe he had bad breathe and she was so grossed out so she calls it rape.

On a serious note, It's frightening cos it a big step to take. We are thinking what if I'm bad at this, what she doesn't like it. Our heart's beating so hard but when we finally do it and it cool we are champs.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

If a guy has been friends with a woman for years and never tried to advance with amorous intentions, he probably believes he has been friend zoned and has no chance of getting any reaction other than a rejection. And many guys are very sensitive to rejection.

YourExLover69 · Answer

If I'm genuinely interested in a girl I don't have any fear of making move. I'd let her know what I think about her.

I know some guys avoid this due to fear of rejection and some aren't interested in relationship. They just want sex or friendship phase going on.

007kingifrit · Answer

women have too much power now, there is no upside, if she gets mad at us we get thrown out of somewhere. women are entitled and its hard to find things in common with them, many are far left extremists and they hate men/white people/christians/ anyone with a successful job.

i had this close female friend who just started anti psychotic and SSRI medications, she shouted at me in a bar when i tried to talk to her about a fight we had (even though we had been talking semi cordially 5 minutes beforehand)... she screamed at me and they threw me out of the bar

Unit1 · Answer

Have you seen how women treat or reject men? It's absurd and dangerous.

Hostility, threats, insults, shaming, "lecturing" us how wrong it is to look at women or in their direction, giving us shit etc...

It turns these women from pretty ladies into disgusting hags in their young bodies. And it makes us want to go to regions, where the ladies treat us with kindness like it's in their culture.

Nik1hil · Answer

- Getting slapped.

- Getting arrested.

- Getting Feminism in the way.

If making move is successful, eventually we end up in a place where, we end up getting married and divorce eventually and then getting robbed of half of all stuff..

So it's a Loss Now, or Lose at divorce.

Nobody wants to start a Lose - Lose match..

AaronKrieger · Answer

I don't date friends, since it makes things a lot simpler. However, I'm assuming a guy might not want to ruin things by either:

You not reciprocating and it being awkward
You two do end up dating, but breakup, so he's lost a partner and a friend.

qupid911 · Answer

There’sa lot to deal with. Men have had to be pursuers forever. Fear of rejection, losing friendship, being accused, or even assumed to be worse off the worse because of other guys. Creepy bad guys give men that are trying to be genuine ptsd. Some women don’t even want to try anymore because of that. Dating scene is hard especially when all most want to do is sex Or relationship stuff without the commitment

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

1. afraid of rejection

2. afraid of losing the friendship that's more valuable than dating

3. afraid of losing that typical freedom they've already been enjoying

4. afraid that they don't actually know how to express their feelings

5. afraid they're not worthy and/or worthwhile

Constatine · Answer

Do they just not see you that way?

Well yes and no

Some men just like to friends.. afraid of asking you to date. If it not work out they loose their mate..

Others want. to ask you but are just afraid you don't want them... and thus also loosing their mate.

Every male friend should be handled differently but always delicate if you not want to scare them.😂🤣

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

The rejection is getting more mentally for the men these last few years, many found being alone has become more normal and lore accepted. So when you have a choice of course you take the one that makes you feel safer. Plus! So many women have (friend zoned) the guys so no one is majing the move because the girl is expecting the other guy (she is thinking about) to do the move. So basically! It's more complicated now days so if a girl/woman likes a guy, let her try nake the first move.

YesterdaysChild · Answer

It could be that they only see you as a friend. Sometimes with friends, your romantic thoughts drift towards others. But, it does happen. Could also be that neither think the other shares their interest so stays within the bounds of friendship.

jojoiwiwbwjo · Answer

Women in their life are scarce and having evolved to maximize the chances of reproduction men can value each interaction too highly and become too nervous or act scared. because what it says about you that you don't get anyone with easy can be scary to realize for some people.

Somoneelse · Answer

Guys can get scared for multiple reasons.

- The fear of getting rejected
- The fear of getting labeled as a creep
- The fear of getting led on by the girl
- The fear of being falsly acussed of rape, sexual assault or sexual harrasment. This happens a lot in my country.

crossdressingrihno · Answer

The list is very long but to keep it short.
Men are automatically viewed as dangerous so we don’t want to scare anyone.
Men can easily have their lives ruined with false accusations and it we see it all the time.
Men are tired of being used or rejected.
Men generally lack knowledge or experience with women
Lastly men have so much on their mind as is throwing the emotional burden of a relationship is probably not wort it.

JDavid25 · Answer

It's probably because they are ultimately afraid of rejection and awkwardness that would come with it if they tried.. They then lose a good "friend" they had while also being rejected romantically.. Although some girls do bounce back and care about the guy so much that they still wannabe friends..

bingbongbangbung · Answer

Third and fourth (maybe even fifth) wave feminism, dumb virtue signalling movements like MeToo and Time'sUp, cancel culture especially towards heterosexual conservative men, legislation and courts allowing women to have privileges of men but accountability of children, manosphere ideologies making men look bad (incel, red-pill, PUA, MGTOW, etc), and other sociopolitical factors.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Women should make the first move because only men get ridiculed or punished for liking someone. Women have no consequences, so why are you too scared to make the first move if you like the guy?

Sharkstealth · Answer

I've lost a couple women because I didn't just kiss them or grab them and have sex with. It's not that I was scared. It's that I didn't realize that that's what I needed to do. I found out on here. All my life I asked girls about it and never was given a correct response. The only thing they ever say is confidence which was totally useless for me. No talking just kiss them if your attracted.

jshm2 · Answer

You've been friendzoned, basically. (s) he likes what you have to offer as a colleague/associate, etc, but not as a partner.

MJtheCoach · Answer

Those that men approach girls will stop approaching girls if they live somewhere that most women are unapproachable.
We learn based on parent recognition.
Example: Canada, Texas, Arizona, bad place for a guy to approach girls, California a good place to approach girls.

prakhindev92 · Answer

If you are with Lot of men , so that he know of somehow , you won't be satisfied with a simple loving Caring man , so even if starts something beautiful , you are gonna compare him with a lot of man and even say it to his face , the average simple man can't handle that , so he leave a vibrant woman stay as it is

Guido · Answer

So. etimes not sure if I read her signal correctly and not sure if she is open to me making a move or not. I have had some women that it was impossible to know. Another I totally misread her signals which was a bit awkward but a few more dates and she specifically said she wanted to take me to bed. There was no mistaking that.

Tomisworthless · Answer

Im not scared i just know im worthless and unattractive w a shit personality and no future. I cannot give a woman what she needs. Plus im going to hell as Jesus says the cowardly are the first to be thrown into the lake of fire.

whirled_up_girl · Answer

I think its probably the certain environments. I think it's becoming more discouraged to ask people out at work, and other public places guys are afraid of coming across as too forward or obnoxious.

Anonymous · Answer

Have you ever made a move on a guy you like? If you have, good for you! I've never had the courage to actually do it. I can understand why guys might not do it.

molonski2 · Answer

Depends on the circumstances. 1. Friend for a long time? Massive risk involved  2 . Workplace , extremely tricky. 1000s of reasons in-between , always difficult.

STEEL2002 · Answer

Knowing something that has the potential to make a impact in your life no matter the good or bad it makes one scared to move forward. I made the mistake and I regret not just telling her how I felt. I was scared of rejection and I was not man enough.

CaptainOverthink · Answer

I think many guys fear you seeing how insecure they really feel when actually trying. Besides, most times you only fail once and may feel weird about being around you afterwards.

Anonymous · Answer

Do you want to hear the truth or just tell you what you want to hear. Because I get the impression you'll just lash out if i tell you the truth.

Anonymous · Answer

Being seen as and called endless things like pervert, creep, scumbag, etc

Having her claim he was only a friend to try and get pussy.

having false sexual allegations made against him.

having her shame and attack and then inevitably disown him.

women have made it very difficult for men to make the first move

JesseP1nk · Answer

So why dont you make a move instead? (here comes "oh, its a mans job" - congrationaltions to all the feminsts)

inhua · Answer

most likely because of the MeToo movement people these days are driven more so by politics than genuine friendship

CaliAttorneyGuy · Answer

For me, it would be fear of ruining the friendship, misreading what I thought were signs of interest from her, fear of her thinking I’m a creep who only pretended to be her friend to hook up with her, etc

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

Because an Accusation or Allegation is enough to ruin a man’s life  In 2019 Jemma Beale claimed she was raped by nine men and sexually assaulted by six in four encounters spanning three years

Heolurt · Answer

It's not being scared, it's a point of why bother. I don't bother with females for many reasons, my face and my experiences are 2 big reasons.

Kinkyhubby · Answer

Well you have rejecting, they maybe be lesbians, they may be married and out with the girls, maybe we are the 3rd guy to make a move that night after 2 other creeps and now they are annoyed, they have a boyfriend we don't know about. We are in the friend zone, if we knew them too long. Don't want to be hit with a sexually assault charge. Afraid it might be a transwoman, and we aren't into that. There is so much pressure on a man, women don't understand what we go through.

genericname85 · Answer

why do women always think that a man has to be scared not to make a move? as if there was no respectable reason to not wanna be with a woman...

northerngal · Answer

For the same reason women are afraid to approach guys. Fear of rejection. Who wants that? However fortune also favors the brave right?

KaiidiraX · Answer

Most people fear rejection. I know plenty of people who play others up for attention then stonewall them once they nake a move.

havingfun2023 · Answer

I'd say I wish women weren't always expecting "the guy" or "the man" to make the first move either 😬😬😬👀

lightbulb27 · Answer

The list is long. if there's doubt, insecurity, fear, shame, or just hopeless, lack confidence.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

I think as a man, I'm afraid of rejection, but also I want to work on losing more weight, so I can look much better physically.

strateguy632 · Answer

those scared are worried that rejection will hurt. most are not scared just looking for someone different.

LiamJHayden · Answer

No idea. I don't flirt with friends. If a lady interests me and seems to be single, I will cold approach and attempt to engage in conversation. If she is interested, we go from there. If not, I move on.

boobliker · Answer

Women lie a lot, they say no to a date when it's a maybe, and we men dotake that as a no and move on. and the way things are now we don't want a mark on our record. So sorry ladies maybe it is time you do the asking as you have different rules

Why do men get scared of making a move on women?

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What Girls & Guys Said

I think as a man, I'm afraid of rejection, but also I want to work on losing more weight, so I can look much better physically.

What makes a guy too scared to make a move on a woman?

Why do men get scared of making a move on women?

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I think as a man, I'm afraid of rejection, but also I want to work on losing more weight, so I can look much better physically.

What makes a guy too scared to make a move on a woman?

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