He recorded us having sex without asking me, I have mixed feelings, why did he do this? What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I slept with my ex and he got his phone out to record it and he said it was just to tease me in the future. Cause it was kind of spring upon me, and he was there, I felt like I didn’t have time to say anything. He didn’t ask if it was okay either. I felt uncomfortable about it but I felt like I couldn’t say no either.

I feel mixed emotions about it. I don’t know why he has recorded it, he’s never done this before from what I know of. I just feel a bit violated because he never asked, and because it was in the middle of us doing things, I don’t feel comfortable to say no/caught off guard. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like by teasing, he means blackmail, and will use that video as leverage against you. I think it’s a huge violation to do that without consent, and if I were you I’d make him delete it. If he won’t the let me just say revenge porn is a crime and you can get him in trouble if that video ever got leaked or purposely shared.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s what I’m worried about. I would have said no but it was in the moment and I felt like I couldn’t because I was worried how he’d react if I said no. I will ask him to delete it

[Opinion Owner]

So you were aware at some point that he was recording but afraid to say no? This makes me sad because I went through this years ago and it was so traumatic. Yes, please ask him to delete the did and show proof it isn’t saved elsewhere like iCloud or some other storage.

[Asker]

Yeah. I was worried he’d get mad at me if I said no. That’s horrible, I’m so sorry that happened to you. I am going to ask him

[laurieluvsit]

Ask him if you could see it and when he gives you his phone erase it and tell him not to do it again.

[Kinkyhubby]

It is wrong for him to do it, and he should delete it. Even if youndelete it off the phone he may have saved it to goggle or Apple cloud. You. Should hang out with him and have him do it with you there. Otherwise you may need thr police

[ProbablyClueless]

Ask him to delete the video and then get the confidence to assert your boundaries in the future. He did it to blackmail you so he has something on you to force you to have sex with him in the future.

[Asker]

I will do. I would have said no but it was middle of sleeping with him, it was sprung on me so I didn’t feel comfortable to object. But I’ll ask him to delete it

[ProbablyClueless]

I get the discomfort of being caught off guard, but that's exactly why he did it that way. He knew you would feel extremely uncomfortable if he started recording while he had you exposed/vulnerable like that.

[Asker]

Glad you understand. The comments on here saying I could have said no, I mean if you’re naked in front of a man/woman it can be vulnerable and make you uncomfortable to say no. I think so too

[Anonymous]

If you feel uncomfortable about your ex recording you without consent during an intimate moment, consider discussing your feelings with him, assessing the relationship, seeking support, and understanding any potential legal implications. Your feelings and boundaries should be a top priority.

[XingQi]

You tell him to delete that video immediately. He does not hold your consent and could use that media against you.

If he refuses, you can take legal action against him.

[Anonymous]

That is a red flag. The only reason he would want it on video is to show someone else. I have never thought so little of a girl I’d want to show that to someone else.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok just re-read missed the part about him being an ex. Yeah, he definitely wants to blackmail you or brag about it to someone. “Yeah she couldn’t handle not getting this, I can prove it.” (Pulls out phone and starts video.)

[Opinion Owner]

I’d find out what can be done about that video getting out without permission where you are. (Quitely). At this point deleting off his phone may help you feel better but I’m sure he has it backed up somewhere if he really planned on using it for some reason.

[Asker]

Yeah this is my concern. He is my ex. The whole situation is weird, I didn’t expect him to whip his phone out and do this, I feel very violated because he’s someone I know

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, not sure what terms you’re on otherwise. I know my exs I wouldn’t be within 20 feet of now, much less have sex with them again. Like one other person said here though, the video was allowed (even if you didn’t really want it,) so all you can do now is see if there are consequences that would keep it from being spread all over town.

[Nifrayu]

I think that's a red flag. You might be better off without him. He doesn't sound like he cares about your feelings.

[pickles77]

I would try to get it deleted asap, never know what he will do with it

[jimmy2]

He going to put you on the Internet on exgirlfriends