Am I wrong to record him?

[Anonymous]

He kept texting with a female coworker for hours... I complained, he said he is not hiding anything. Then again and again did the same thing.

I continued to ask him if there is something I need to know. He continued to deny anything.

Then I realized that he is making me a fool and decided to leave a recorder in our office (we work together and there are cameras anyway).

Then I caught he talking trash about me to one of his friends. And then called him for an explanation.

He started yelling and calling me names, because he was secretly recorded. But didn't apologize for his behavior towards me.

Was I wrong?

Yes

No

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a tough situation. On the one hand, I get why you felt like you had to record him since he kept doing suspicious stuff and lying about it. But secretly recording someone is also kinda messed up. A couple thoughts -

First, instead of recording him secretly, maybe it would've been better to just be upfront and like tell him straight up that the chatting with other girls a lot is making you feel disrespected and you need him to stop. Lay it all out there.

Second, him yelling at you for recording him isn't cool either. Like dude, don't kill the messenger - you shouldn't have been saying shady stuff about your girl behind her back to begin with! He's totally in the wrong there too.

I don't know, this whole thing sounds pretty toxic. Neither of you is really trusting each other. Maybe the best thing is to just break it off - being with someone who lies to you and calls you names ain't good for your mental health. You should be with someone who respects you and you feel comfortable being honest with. Don't settle for less than you deserve! Just my two cents. Hope things work out for the best.

[Asker]

Thank you. I know I did wrong, but he was also wrong, because there were surveillance cameras all over the place. If it weren't me, someone else could have heard those words and told me about it. So it makes no difference. He simply should have kept what's happening between us to himself or to people who are at least close to him. Judging by the entire conversation with that friend, seems like it is someone I don't know and someone whom he hasn't met for months. I don't think it's okay to discuss that with a distant friend. Anyway... he did what he did, I did what I did and it is what it is.

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah I totally get where you're coming from. At the end of the day you both messed up in different ways. It sounds like there was no trust left on either side. As much as recording him wasn't exactly right, I don't blame you for feeling like you had to do something to get to the bottom of his sketchy behavior since he clearly wasn't being honest with you. And you're right, even if you didn't record it someone else could have overheard on the cameras anyway. Him talking crap about you to some random friend he hardly knows was super uncool and disrespectful too. The whole thing just sounds messy. Sometimes in situations like that it's best for both people to realize it's not working anymore and go your separate ways, no matter who was more "right" or "wrong". Living like that with no trust will only make you both miserable. You'll both learn from this experience at least. Chin up, on to brighter days ahead!

[boggboss]

Yes u was in the wrong that dont mean he was in the wrong but also what u did was fucked up

[Anonymous]

You realise recording someone is considered illegal in some places. Doing that is so fucked up.

Did you bother to apologise to him? You were also in the wrong here

[Asker]

I apologized of course, I did that many times during our conversation.

[Asker]

I know it is illegal l, but he knew the cameras are recording too.. so I could have asked our manager and also know that

[Opinion Owner]

So what if there were cameras there. He was aware these were there. He wasn't aware there was a recorder recording him. Also just because there are cameras there, doesn't mean they also record sound, and if the manager even gave you access to the footage just so you could hear someone's conversations. Your manager is pretty fucked up if they ever do that and they are likely also breaking company policy.

Your legit there accusing him of possibly cheating on you, without any actual evidence, other than you saw him texting the co worker. Yet you have no idea what was even said in the messages. Maybe the co worker is dealing with some personal stuff and just needed someone to vent to. I would probably bad mouth someone to if they wanted to accuse me of cheating on them without any actual evidence of me doing this.

You want to hope that he doesn't take this to HR and report you for illegally recording him. If he does you could potentially lose your job and be dumped at the same time.

[Asker]

Look, I'm on a higher position than him, I can get access to cameras anytime I want. But I just didn't want to get the management involved. I have no problem losing my job, cause I don't want to work in such fake environment. I know I made a mistake and I apologized to him many times. He never apologized about his words... I didn't deserve them. I do my best for this relationship and was honest and upfront the entire time. He didn't have the courage to tell me about his feelings and concerns (and the fact that he doesn't want to commit).

[Opinion Owner]

No you don't deserve an apology. You deserved everything he said to you

Your a creep recording someone. Don't give a shit if you are in a higher position that just show how fucked you are using your position to gain access to something that you shouldn't. Recording someone is fucking creepy and disturbing.. I hope you do lose your job because the moment you do. You don't realise how hard it will be for you to get another job especially if word gets around about how creepy you are recording people and how you misuse your position to illegally access camera footage just to hear someone's conversation with that alone can also see you being sued because conversations that are said between friends or whoever is non of your fucking business

[electromagnetic]

Just leave. It sounds to like you’ve had enough and he’s had enough too.

[DaisyM23]

i mean technically yes because it could've been nothing but it's worked out in your favour this time lol, break up with him

[Anonymous]

He is a moron for texting, but you are not much better for even caring.