Secretly recorded him and heard he talked trash about myself. Am I wrong?

[Anonymous]

Secretly recorded my situationship at work and found out he devalued and talked trash about me to his friend.

The trash was about me being clingy and pushy and thankfully he hasn't fucked with me, because I'm too much of work.

I confrronted him and all he was saying is that "I'm crazy for recording him" and nothing about the words he said about me.

I'm heartbroken... I know I'm wrong too and what I did was wrong, but I wanted to know the truth.

[abc3643]

You're crazy for recording him.
The fact that you did that indicates an intrinsic level of paranoia and insecurity.
What he says is irrelevant because this shit happens everywhere on Earth all the time.
But, what you did was improper.

That said, you understand what you did was wrong and I can empathize with your wanting to know the truth. Now you know one reason why the old adage "Ignorance is bliss" is often true.

Remember these lyrics from the very old Fleetwood Mac song "Oh Well":
"Don't ask me what I think of you
I might not give the answer that you want me to"

[Asker]

I know I did wrong... I'm perfectly aware of that.
What I did was very much wrong.
I apologized to him.

[abc3643]

I know you did.
We all make mistakes and move on.
My issue here right now is to help you not do this again...

Every single day, I know that there are people who don't care for me or think I am an asshole or whatever. I accept that fact and move on. Why? It's not unfair; every single person on Earth including you and me believe various people are assholes or incompetent or whatever. So, this issue of disliking things about other people and also that there are people who will not care for us is part of human nature; recognizing this is part of maturing.

So, we accept these things, dismiss them a bit, and move on.

For instance, suppose I go to a doctor - a female doctor - that I've never met before. For some medical reason, she sees my dick and thinks I have a small dick. Should I be embarrassed? Maybe, but we are professionals in a professional relationship. She might privately say to another doctor, "My God, he has a small dick!" but she won't discuss that with me. Do I need to record what she thinks? No, not really because, frankly, it's irrelevant. If my dick is small, then my dick is small and her opinion about my dick isn't going to change it nor is it important unless we were to engage in sex. So, I just move on with my life regardless of what she might think and, just as important, she remains my doctor because that's what mature adults do: accept that we all have private thoughts about others and that others have private thoughts about us and that, for the most part, we don't need to know their thoughts and they don't need to know ours.

[Asker]

I agree about the private thoughts agenda... but he was someone I had feelings for and "some kind of a relationship" (his words) and not just a random doctor. So it's not the same. I just wanted him to be upfront about what's going on between us and since he wasn't, I decided to use tools to get to know the truth. That's what I value the most.

[abc3643]

"Having feelings for" is a bit irrelevant to what I said. ALL humans are like this even with people we have "feelings for". After all, that's why couples break up.

If you want him to be upfront, then ask. However, since he wasn't (according to you, which I believe) [*], that's still his right to privacy to not discuss it. At that point, you are justified in making your own assumptions including that he wasn't into you and then taking accordant action. Sure, wanting to have the "truth" is understandable so you make the wrong decision based on erroneous assumptions. But, recording is still a no-go; there's no justification for that and that includes invading someone's privacy to seek the truth.

[*] Ironically, this told you the truth right then and there.
If a guy "has feelings for you", he will be upfront about it.
If not, then either 1) He's "not that into you" or 2) He's too immature to admit it.
In either case, that's a signal to move on.

[abc3643]

* TYPO:

Sure, wanting to have the "truth" is understandable so you DON'T make the wrong decision based on erroneous assumptions.

[molonski2]

You should NOT have made an unsolicited recording , he could have you charged.

Plus maybe you are pushy and clingy , its hardly that bad a statement , the fact that you recorded him shows that they probably are two traits of yours , plus controlling.

[BigAssB1tch]

Gurl, lemme tell you sumthin'. You ain't wrong for recordin' that man talkin' trash 'bout yo fine self! He deserved to be caught! And now you got evidence to show everyone what a low-down dirty dog he is. Don't let nobody disrespect you like that, honey. You keep doin' yo thang and makin' dem fat girl pornos for yo OnlyFans page. See he what he got say afeter he see how good you is at them fellatios. Let haters hate while you stackin' them dolla bills, ya hear?

[Anonymous]

Nah leave this guy and you have to move forward. You’re not crazy.
I’ve secretly recorded my friends when I left them in my bedroom (I went for a loo) and found out that they were talking shit about me and how they judge my house because they think it’s ugly.
Some people are that mean behind your back. It’s always better when you find out by your own.

[Asker]

Look... I know I'm wrong for recording him. But he knows there are security cameras in the office and he was recorded anyway. So I could have simply watched them and find out the same thing anyways.

[Jasmin01]

It's not good to spy on your partner, but in your case it was the right thing to do. Be happy that you know what he thinks of you and forget about him as soon as possible.

[Anonymous]

You keep posting about this guy. You know he isn't a good guy so why keep wasting your time

[Anon_desi]

LEAVE HIM!