Why is he obsessed with me years after he rejected me?

[Anonymous]

He found out that I had a huge crush on him and rejected me because I was not his type. During this time he seemed very desperate to find a girlfriend since he followed many women on instagram that didn't even follow him back and liked all of their (old) pictures.

Two years later he sees me for the first time since he found out about my crush and stared at me in a very obvious way from afar but I tried to ignore it. When he realized after a few weeks that I was not interested in him anymore he started to check me out more discreetly and talk to his friend about me who tried to ship us together.

Now whenever he sees me he looks at me with big eyes from afar as if he is surprised to see me and tries to get my attention even though he has found himself someone that seems to be his girlfriend (he went on vacation with her and postet couple pics with her on instagram). Why did he change his mind about me and why does he still want my attention if he has a girlfriend that he flaunts on social media?

[Oliverlogan263]

Eh... that guy sounds pretty lame honestly. Like it totally seems like he just wants your attention since you rejected him before.

Guys can get real butt-hurt about stuff like that. So now he's trying to make you want him back just to prove something. Even though he's with someone else! What a fake.

It's like he just sees you as a trophy or challenge now instead of actually liking you. Like ooh look, she didn't want me before but now I'll stare at her to show I'm "so over it." Barf.

I'd ignore him if I were you. Seems like he just wants to boost his ego, not be with you for real. Plus messing around when he has a girl? Not cool.

You dodged a bullet rejecting him back then for sure. Hold your head high - you seem cool and he's pathetic for still chasing after someone who's not interested. Find yourself someone hot who treats you right! This clown ain't worth your time.

[Asker]

yeah i know, thats why i hesitate to approach him. however he used to have a crush on me way back where i accidentally rejected him and his friends knew about it. now im wondering if he rejected me because i rejected him or if i just wasn't his type anymore at that time. its so confusing

[Oliverlogan263]

Whoa, that adds a whole other layer to this. If he had a crush on you before that you didn't know about, then his "you weren't my type" rejection of you doesn't seem so legit after all. Sounds like he might have rejected you first as payback for the accidental rejection way back.

Guys can hold grudges over that kinda thing, even if they act like they're over it. And it would explain why he's so desperate to get your attention and make you want him now - it's probably still bugging him deep down that you rejected him all those years ago.

I'd say don't try approaching him or engaging with his games. Let him keep looking like an idiot without getting a reaction from you. Clearly his ego was wounded before, so don't give him any more ammo. Just stay chill like you've been doing - that'll drive him more nuts than any confrontation ever could!

You got the power here, not him. He's just acting out cause he still cares what you think, whether he wants to admit it or not. Keep living well and keep on keeping on without worrying about some dude who can't make up his mind. You're too good for these petty high school games.

[Asker]

I still find him cute though...

[Asker]

i didn't want to reject him back then. I was just insecure and not used to male attention so I didn't know how to react and I was afraid that he would be disappointed by me because I wouldn't live up to his expecations. Now im wondering if he wants me because his ego is hurt or because he still finds me cute and enough time has passed since i rejected him (6 years).

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah man that changes things, if you didn't mean to reject him that first time and were just young/shy. I can understand now why you might still be feeling this dude after all this time went by.

From what you told me though, seems like his ego is definitely still bruised over it. But who knows, maybe deep down he does still like you for real too. Guys can be real dumb about showing emotions sometimes.

I'd say just keep your eyes open if you choose to give him another chance. Watch how he acts - is he respectful to you and making you feel good about yourself? Or is he still tossing shade and acting skeptical like he's "doing you a favor" by being into you now.

If he seems genuinely over that old shit and wants to start fresh, then go for it if you're feeling it too! Live in the present, not the past. But first sign of game playing again, you gotta drop him quick before he messes with your head more, feel me? Your happiness comes first no matter what.

Hope it works out if you try again! Just protect your energy sis, don't let no dude diminish your shine no matter how cute he is. You got this!

[Asker]

We dont talk so I can't judge how he acts around me. I can just that he now secretly glances at me from across the room and gives me a last glance when he leaves. He told his friend in college about me who sat one seat away from me so that my crush would have to sit next to me. Last week when we were asked to form project groups of 5 he looked over at me to join his group. However when 3 girls approached him and his friend he started flirting really loudly with them and smiling really wide. He seems way more confident now compared to when I met him

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, he's definitely sending some mixed signals then. On the one hand, he seems into you with the sneaky glances and wanting you in his project group. But then flipping a switch and flirting hard with those other girls right in front of you is kinda a jerk move. Either he's just insecure and trying too hard to look cool, or he does still like the attention from you but doesn't want to commit. Really hard to say what's really going on without talking to him. I'd be tempted to call him out - "Dude, what's the deal? You want me in your group or not?" Might catch him off guard and you'll see what he's really about. But only do that if you're ready for whatever answer he gives. If it was me, I'd probably just ignore him at this point unless he steps up and is actually nice to you without playing games. You deserve better than that back and forth stuff!

[Asker]

Yeah. And why does he post this girl he went on vabation with on Instagram? They look like a couple on the pictures. I’m super confused

[Oliverlogan263]

I don't know what to tell you about this dude and his Instagram posts. That is super confusing that he's posting pics looking all couply with this other girl when he's been giving you The Eyes from across the room.

A few possibilities I can think of:

- Maybe the thing with the other girl is new and he's just trying to make you jealous/get your attention now that you've moved on somewhat. Guys can be dumb like that sometimes.

- Could be that he's just not actually that into you and is more into the attention/drama of the chasing. So he flaunts this other girl to keep you interested but doesn't really want anything serious.

- Sadly it's possible he's just messing with both of you and not to be trusted at all. Might be the kind of player who tells multiple girls what they want to hear.

Honestly, I'd try my best not to overthink it too much cause he really doesn't seem clear in what he wants. If I were you, I'd focus on yourself and meeting other cute girls who you vibe with better and don't pull this confusing back-and-forth junk. You seem like a catch - don't waste your time stressing over some dude who can't make up his mind!

[Asker]

Well I know that he doesn’t have much relationship experience so I wouldn’t wonder if he really doesn’t know what he wants

[Oliverlogan263]

Cute guys I mesnt

[Oliverlogan263]

Meant

[Oliverlogan263]

Ya never really know what's goin on in someone else's head.

With this dude havin so little relationship XP, it makes sense he might still be figurin himself out too. Hard to know what you want when you ain't had much experience to learn from, ya feel me?

But at the end of the day, you gotta protect your own vibe too. And seem like he been kinda disrespectful with the sly glances n sneak dissin other girls when he tryna get at ya.

If it was me, I'd just do my own thang n keep it pushin. Let him sort his mess out on his own time. Maybe down the line when he grown up some, things could be different. But for now, you deserve someone who knows how to treat ya right upfront!

Don't stress too much tryna figure him out. Just live YOUR best life n keep doin you. Real ones notice that n come around right. This clown ain't worth ya energy no more.

[spartan55]

So you think because he looks at you it means he is 'obsessed' with you? 😂😂😂😂 Quite a leap there.

[spartan55]

You already posted about this... move on

[Asker]

No his friend implied it

[spartan55]

Omg, do you ever use facts to make these decisions.

[crystalline0909]

Does his name starts with R?

[crystalline0909]

Rav?

[Asker]

No it doesn't

[crystalline0909]

Well he wants to have sex. He wants to prove his friends. Hence he stares at you or yours whatever. Otherwise he won't have another chick by his side in any form or fashion. He doesn't like you moving on. He wants you to stay stuck on him and unhappy.

[Asker]

Yeah but if he found me unattractive why would he care? especially if he has a girlfriend already

[crystalline0909]

His ego hurts that you move on. You being stuck on him boosts his self confidence. When it comes to just sex... There's no such thing as attractive or unattractive, you just have to have a hole so that he doesn't have to use his hand.

[Asker]

He used to have a crush on me way back before he rejected me and his friends knew about it. Then he rejected me and now he made me a romantic playlist named after me that he didn't share with me. do you really think he just wants sex?

[crystalline0909]

Then talk to him. How old is he

[Asker]

he is 25

[crystalline0909]

Talk to him. If you want to get back. Otherwise he doesn't matter what he thinks or wants.

[Asker]

but what do you think why he rejected me?

[crystalline0909]

He likes to act single and still get the perks of being in a relationship. He likes open relationships... Keeps his options hooked in situationship. He has no intention of settling down. For him, just give him what he wants, when he wants , how he wants, and then stay the way you are, cuz he is not going to settle down with you but you serve a purpose as a supply for him. If you leave there are a dozen more supplies waiting on his contact list (chicks)

[ProbablyClueless]

Maybe his tastes changed?

[Asker]

No probably not.

[ProbablyClueless]

What makes you say that?

[Asker]

I see what type of girls he follows on instagram and it is still the same type

[ProbablyClueless]

Ah... well, for what it's worth, my taste in IG models is a little bit different from my tastes in real life women, but it sounds like you don't have any interest in connecting with this guy.

[Asker]

It depends on the reason why he rejected me. To me it looks like he thought he could get hotter girls and realized he had no chance and now he tries to get with me.

[ProbablyClueless]

Nothing about the details you included look that way to me, but I also don't know the full story 🤷‍♂️

[Asker]

Well after rejecting me he made it a point to follow many random hot girls in his area on instagram and like all of their pictures to get their attention and now years later he wants me back

[ProbablyClueless]

He was probably doing that before he rejected you too, you just took notice of it after he rejected you... I can tell you from a guy's perspective that liking girls' IG pics isn't exactly a romantic statement for us. We don't do that to get the girls' attention.

[Asker]

but liking a pic that is 2 years old? i mean come on

[ProbablyClueless]

Yeah, even then. If two pictures are beside each other on her profile, we aren't checking the dates. We just see two photos beside each other and the lady is looking good in both, so we like both.

[Asker]

lol so liking all 15 pictures of a girl at once is not flirting?

[ProbablyClueless]

Correct. I would say it's probably 90/10 odds that he was not liking all her pics to try to get with her. The one exception would be if this was a girl he met in person at a party and she gave him her IG when she introduced herself.

[Asker]

Well some of the girls were friends of his acquaintances and all of those girls live in his area so it could be that he talked to them once. But I know that none of them followed him back

[ProbablyClueless]

Yeah, I mean, just based on that, I don't think you particularly have anything to worry about. Do whatever you're comfortable with, of course, but I'm not a fan of preemptively shutting doors.

[Asker]

but why did he reject me if he used to like me years ago?

[ProbablyClueless]

I have no idea... maybe he did it without thinking because he got caught off guard and was nervous. Maybe you became more attractive to him after he found out you liked him. Or maybe his tastes just changed.