Feelings un a situationship?

[JC1981]

So I've been in a situationship for almost a year. We have an amazing connection and are each other's emotional support. The sex is lacking abit and it's at the point where he's mowing my lawns and offering money when things are tight and spends time with me and my son. A while ago he told me when we were drunk he was telling people I was his girlfriend, but took it back a day later when we talked about it sober. I distanced myself for a few months after that. He reached out asking if we were still freinds and that he missed me and was sorry. We started hanging out again and have had sex once. He still does all the things he was doing and sleep in the same bed etc. He wants me to go to his aunts for Christmas but won't come to my family event. I have told him my feelings so he is well aware but says he doesn't know if he can love anyone that way. I'm confused as to why he is still doing things I would consider to be actions of a partner if he only wants to be friends. I have started to withdraw abit to try and emotional detach which have been obvious and less effectionate to match freind zone behaviour. But his behaviour has not changed, if anything he's trying harder. Wtf you know. Guys can you enlighten me on this please?

[Oliverlogan263]

This situation does seem pretty confusing. A few thoughts:

- Actions often speak louder than words, and his actions say he cares about you a lot even if he's reluctant to label it. Mowing your lawn, helping financially, spending time with your kid - those aren't really things just a friend does.

- Maybe he's scared of fully committing because of past hurts or trust issues. Doesn't mean the feelings aren't there, just means he's guarded.

- Withdrawing your affection was a smart way to see if he steps up or steps back. The fact he's trying harder is a good sign he doesn't want to lose you.

- You've both been clear about your feelings, so maybe it's time to have an honest "what are we" talk. Lay it out - you care about him but can't stay like this in limbo forever.

- Ask what's holding him back from moving forward as an actual couple. Really listen without getting defensive. See if his fears are something you both can work through together.

- Say you want to give being official a real shot if he's willing to try. Give it time and see how it goes. But if not, you'll have to start moving on for your own happiness.

Hope this gives you something to think about! Seems like there could be a good relationship there if you guys can get on the same page. But gotta do what's right for you too.

[spartan55]

Okay, first of all, why would you get in a no strings arrangement when that isn't what you wanted. He is doing 'boyfriend stuff' because he wants to. He gets free sex, all the benefits of having a girlfriend, AND he can go fuck whomever he wants whenever he wants. Why would he want to change all that?
This is why I'll never understand why women get involved in these no strings deals. It NEVER works out for them.

[JC1981]

We are long time freinds, yeah it did start out as abit of casual fun, but feelings evolved with the closer we got. Neither of us are seeing other people nor want to, and sex is rare. I wouldn't say he's getting all the benefits of a girlfriend, some but not all. I won't give all the benefits without the title.

[spartan55]

Do you think you are giving too much?

[JC1981]

Perhaps, I have pulled back a lot lately to a more just freinds level of behaviour, but he hasn't. If anything he's doing more, giving and reminding me of what he can do for me.

[RealMarek]

He’s getting sex and the “girlfriend experience” from you without commitment. It’s up to you to either let this keep happening or tell him he either commits to the relationship or breaks things off.

[JC1981]

Sex isn't a massive part of it. It's once in a blue moon thing. But yes I do see this prospective, hence why I'm pulling back.

[RealMarek]

It didn’t sound like the biggest part. The “girlfriend experience” did. I hope things work out well for you.

[JC1981]

Thankyou, I'm on the brink of walking away. He very confusing to read. It's just difficult as he lives down the road from me.

[MrCommodore]

It sounds like he is sitting on the fence, not commiting

[MrCommodore]

Did he ever have a serious talk about why he isn't commiting to you?

[JC1981]

We have talked, he's afraid of the risk of loss from what I gathered from his riddles.

[jjj101010]

What do u want? Do u want him to be ur boyfriend or a friend or a fuck buddy?

[JC1981]

I'm open to being an official couple. We have know each other since highschool. But weren't close until 2 years ago. People have always picked up a vibe between us over the years but we only crossed the lines of friendship 1 year ago.

[jjj101010]

Follow back? Happy to chat it through

[ThrillSeeker01]

He's afraid of commitment. I would move on.

[KrakenAttackin]

Damn, you people are really fucked up.