Do I bring it up or do I let it go?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been having casual sex with a guy I met on hinge. He is a nice guy and the first guy that really made me feel like my body is all perfect. Anyway, he has been canceling on our plans and we agreed that we should be close friends that talk and hangout (we didn’t define thought if we would have sex or not). Fast forward to Sunday he texts me how he is freezing in bed (we all know where this is going) he wants me to go over but won’t ask. I just didn’t answer because the week before he canceled on me on Thursday and Friday (saying he doesn’t have time for anyone rn and needs to make himself a priority). I thought Sunday him saying he is freezing in bed was very inconsiderate. Do I tell him how I felt and that if he wants to keep me around (he said he wants us to be close friends) we can’t be having sex and we should just hangout outside of that or do I just never answer? I don’t want to lose him as a friend but also I don’t want my text to seem demanding and preaching (like: u have to do this if u want to keep me around). I don't know I’m confused, what do y’all think?

[Leapfrog00]

I have a friend in a similar situation. It's important that you tell him how you feel. That doesn't mean it will turn out the way you want it though, but at least it will keep your thoughts from racing and eat you up inside. A guy will often tell a girl anything just to get her in bed. The friend I have hooks up with this one guy once a week for only an hour, and he claims he has feelings for her (Really, it's all about the sex.) and the guy keeps breaking her heart, arguing with her all the time, and giving one excuse after another why he can't be with her.

You definitely want to ask him what he wants out of this friendship, so you're both on the same page. If he just wants a hook up but you don't, then this won't end well. If you already had sex with him, and he just wants to be friends now, it's obvious he's done with you. He got what he wanted. This is something guys do. You could stay friends with him, but you won't mean anything to him. I can tell you right now he doesn't have any respect for you.

You can do better... a lot better. Find someone who at least respects you and won't give you lame excuses like this guy did. I hope this advice helped.

[Asker]

Thank you🥹

[Oliverlogan263]

That's tricky. On one hand, I get why you'd be annoyed that he canceled on you but then still hit you up for sex later. That is pretty inconsiderate. But at the same time, confronting him all preachy might make things awkward since you said you still wanna be friends. My advice would be just be honest but chill about it. Maybe say something like "Hey man, just so you know I wasn't really feeling your text the other night since you bailed on our plans before. If we're trying the friend thing I think we need some boundaries there." Then if he gets defensive, just say you wanna make sure you're both on the same page so there's no confusion. After that I'd leave it alone unless he brings it up. No need to dwell on it or make a bigger deal. See how he responds - if he listens and respects your boundary then cool, you've got a friend. But if he keeps pushing for hookups then maybe he's not really tryna be friends for real. Just play it cool and see where it leads!

[Changiis07]

I would let it go!! You guys already had sex so there is no more effort for him to have to do since he got what he wanted. He has cancelled plans with you and basically only wants you for sex. He wants to be friends with benefits so you telling him that after he said that he doesn't have time for anyone right now should tell you enough of where he stands. He already got your body so of course he is going to be sending you those type of texts for you to come over and have sex. Don't give in too quickly with men. Respect yourself and have them work for it. Let them put effort in taking you on dates, paying, putting you first, no cancelling plans before you give all of you. You'll be left confused as you are. You two can't be friends it can't happen any more. So either move on or you'll just be his friend with benefit

[Asker]

Some more background info that i think could be helpful? At first he used to ask me to go over just to chill and hangout (of course it always ended up in sex) but I really don’t feel like that was his intention at all the time. Our first arrangement was friends with benefits however him canceling I told him if he doesn’t respect my time we can’t keep going. That’s when he asked if we can just be close friends.

[Changiis07]

No it didn't help, that was intention the whole time. Men are wired and will always want sex if you give it to them. Of course he is going to invite you over and hope to get some. You would have been better off saying you rather do dinner instead of coming over. Real men with good intentions wouldn't mind that type of answer. If they like you they will be willing to say okay she is worth it to take her on the dinner. Guys are smart and want to see how much they can get away with if you let them, so this is advice because I've been there done that. So do what you feel is right but I wouldn't waste my time and just be careful next time. Any guy who invites you over to "hangout" it's always a bad sign you'll just end up confused and hurt along the way.

[SolsticeSnow]

Let's be honest - he's not your friend.

Friends have to meet certain standards.

He doesn't.

He's someone that you sleep with. He's made it evident that's all. Because friends don't treat you with dirserpect. Friends value your time and apologise for putting you out.

Amd FYI you are allowed to have boundaries. If you feel you have to accept disrespect in order to hold onto something good... it's not actually a good thing to hold on to.

Keep the sex if you want but don't make the mistake of thinking he's your buddy.

[smashleyy]

I think you’ll lose him all together if you bring up being friends without sex, that seems to be his main interest

[RealMarek]

I think you ought to meet him for coffee and lay out what is acceptable to you in different types of relationships. You should communicate clearly about what you want and what isn’t going to work. He should do the same.

[glennos89]

Express your feelings because you are clearly suffering from keeping it in

[bededazzle]

decide very clearly on your wants and boundaries. determine if the relationship matches them. communicate if you think it would serve you.

[spartan55]

Sounds like you can't handle casual sex. What made you want to get into an arrangement like that?

[ThrillSeeker01]

Just tell it to him straight. I think he'll admire your honesty. and confidence

[strateguy632]

not worth friend zone.