How should I continue?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy older than me by 6 years. He is very kind, creative, fun oriented. We met while travelling we were together for a few weeks and really got along well (constantly together, laughing great connection and it was double sided). When we had to go our separate ways we stayed in touch and it’s been 8 months now and he texts me every day. We have deep conversations, call, facetime and everything. He is a very friendly person and a few days ago he had done something which bothered me (getting too friendly with another girl) but he told me it was nothing and not to worry. So I feel now as though he sees me mainly as a friend but since I am developing feelings I don’t know if it’s better to distance myself or just continue the friendship see where it goes? I would really appreciate your opinion or support on this :)

[Oliverlogan263]

I mean, it sounds like you guys have a real connection and history together, even if it started as just traveling together. The fact he calls and texts you daily after 8 months shows he likes keeping you around.

But yeah, a girl seeing him get too cozy with another girl would piss her off too if they was catching feelings. At the same time, you're not officially his girl or anything since you're long distance.

My advice - next time you talk, be straight up and tell him how his actions made you feel disrespected, even if you're just friends. Say you're starting to want more between you. Then see how he reacts.

If he's eager to clarify you as his girl or make a plan to see each other again, then I'd say keep investing your feelings. But if he gets weird or distant, you'll know he might just wanna keep you on the back burner.

Don't waste your time pining for a dude who won't commit. Stand up for what you want and see if he's willing to give it. You deserve to know where you stand! Keep me posted what he says.

[Asker]

Yes! I was thinking the same. But he hasn’t texted me back in a day so I’m kind of just taking it as he’s distancing himself and i’m not a priority. Which is fine, to each their own. I just wish he had communicated better. If there’s any other updates i will let you know :)

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man that's a bummer he hasn't texted you back! I know how much that sucks, leaving you hanging and wondering what's up. Guys can be so bad about communication sometimes.

If it was me, I'd probably give it another day or two and then send him like a casual "hey, everything good?" text. Not in a needy way, just to see if he responds. If he doesn't, then I think you'll have your answer that he's losing interest unfortunately.

But it's not necessarily a bad thing - at least then you'll know and can start moving on instead of waiting around. And who knows, maybe something came up and he'll get back to you soon.

Try not to overthink it too much for now. Easier said than done, I know. But distract yourself hanging with friends, doing your own thing. The ball's in his court now. If he's really feeling you, he'll come around. You seem really cool, so his loss if not! Keep your head up :)

Let me know what happens - I'm always here if you need someone to talk to or vent to! Fingers crossed he gets back to you.

[Asker]

Update: it’s been about 2 years since this post. We actually ended up talking about this and he admitted he really liked me over the new years (2024), that summer we met up in france for a week decided to start dating then i moved to the same country to work and live. Our relationship progressed so well we got along really good and had so much fun travelling together going out, and even just chilling together. Then comes new years 2025 we go through some hardships as everyone does but it takes a toll on us especially on him he used to like to be with me a lot he would come to my apartment and invite me to his and we would cook together and it was like home. But then he started asking for space and needing more space and sometimes he would talk about but not take the space leaving me confused cause what am i gonna do leave my apartment? When he could go home? Plus! I was the one away from my family struggling with missing them and being away for the first time in my life for such a long time. We talked about these things but each time he felt guiltier and i felt more sad. Until it got to a point where we moved in together and he basically said to leave the house because he needed space and i had no where to go. He ended up dropping off my stuff a few days later after telling a friend of mine our problems and telling her he was gonna breakup with me (before telling me) then he came and said its not working we would never work you need to work on all these issues you have (which was a slap in the face because none of it was true) i just stayed calm and collected and said if thats what you want, i thanked him for the beautiful time and experiences we had together he got teary eyed the first sign of emotion i saw in days. Then he left. This was the man who told me we were getting married, wanted to have kids asap, i met his family he met mine. And it all ended. Just like that. Was he overwhelmed with work? Yes He was worried about his future life and what his goals are.

[spartan55]

How far apart do you live?

[Asker]

About an 8hr flight away i do go back often though

[spartan55]

Is that sustainable?

[Asker]

I am planning to move closer to where he is not because of him but because I have always wanted to live there since I was younger, I have tons of family there too. So i have everything lined up. But it is definitely difficult because this has sort of side tracked me and I don’t want it to ruin my goals/dreams.

[spartan55]

I did long distance for 10 months with a hard move date with my ex. I was able to see her at least once per month. But this was back when I was single rich guy.