Why is my boyfriend (we’re getting married in a few months) so confusing in his desires?

[Anonymous]

Right now we’re long distance. So he told me he is more and more attracted to me the skinnier I would get. I’m already underweight. Lol but I have curves so maybe he wants me to lose the boobs and ass. I’m fine with getting skinnier if it turns him on more.
the weird part is he said h can eat what I want now before we get married but that once we get married he wants me as skinny as possible (healthily).

so why doesn’t he mind if I have more weight now but it only matters once we are together and married?

Updates

+1 y

I decided to lose weight and stop eating a lot. He will be so happy when he sees the results !

[_Maya_]

So you're getting married and can't ask him this morning yourself? Not a good start to a marriage if you can't be open and communicate with him. He sounds controlling as fuck. I would never let someone dictate what my body looked like and set expectations after we got married. Sounds like you aren't at an unhealthy weight as it is just by what you write. So why does he think you need to be skinnier. If he isn't attracted to you now and needs you to change why are you marrying this idiot? Sorry to call him that but that is what he sounds like.

[Asker]

I asked him and that was his answer. I’m just confused why he is ok with me not being that thin right now. I guess it’s cause we aren’t having sex and he doesn’t have to really see me every single day?

[_Maya_]

Setting these rules on how your body is to look after marriage is concerning to me.

[Asker]

I want to lose weight myself. It’s not like I’m doing something I don’t want to.

[Avicenna]

It sounds like your problem is that communication is much more difficult when you're long distance

[Asker]

I mean he told me that it’s ok if I eat more right now but that once we get married (which is not that far away), he prefers me skinnier. Am I missing something lol

[Avicenna]

then I'd assume he prefers that you're skinny. What do you prefer?

[Asker]

I prefer that I’m skinny especially since he does. But he said I’m allowed to not be skinny up until we get married then he expects me to be really thin. I guess I’m confused why I’m allowed to be not thin now but then that all changes once we marry?

[Avicenna]

If you want to be skinny, focus on achieving or maintaining that. He's not going to have a problem with you doing that.

[Asker]

Ohh okay thank you! I was so confused because he said it’s ok if I eat a lot right now lol. But I told him I don’t understand because I know he is more attracted to me if I’m very skinny. But he didn’t seem to understand why I’m confused. Or maybe he was just being nice?

[Avicenna]

I guess just being nice

[Asker]

Wow ok thank you! I will have to start getting skinnier then right away! I had no idea he was just being nice by saying he’s ok with me being fat right now. Guys can be so complicated sometimes lol. I think I may have Asperger’s so I take things literally and at face value. He knows I may have it so I’m surprised he’s beating around the bush with me!!

[Avicenna]

Do it because you want to be skinny. And don't let your efforts stress you out.

[Asker]

Thanks so much. Yeah I don’t wanna be stressed out because then he won’t get the best of me. I’ll just be a mess. I do wanna be skinnier though. He’s such a good influence because I wouldn’t have the willpower on my own. Doing it with/for him is way better.

[Avicenna]

If that's what works for you

[Asker]

Yes I hope so. He’s going to control what I eat and how much once I’m his wife though.

[Avicenna]

Just a minute- that is NOT OK. You do not want a controlling partner, not least because they are abusive and aren't just controlling in one aspect of your life.

I suggest that you seriously think about whether it is a good idea to marry this man. It doesn't sound to me like it would be.

[Asker]

I trust him. He’s actually really kind and nice. I think I will be ok. I’ve heard of men not happy because their wife gets huge and doesn’t give them sex. He’s at least taking control of the situation and making sure his wife will not do that stuff. It’s my duty as a wife to please my husband. If he controls me then it makes it a lot easier because I won’t have to rely on my own weak will.

[Avicenna]

Well, it's one thing to proactively bring up the issue of weight gain and its corrosive effect on a relationship, it's entirely another for a spouse to be controlling what and how much their partner eats.

[Asker]

Oh really… I don’t think he would mean me harm though. Maybe we’re just different. He’s the most loving kindest man ever.

[jahaims]

Failed marriage waiting to happen

[Asker]

Why? Because I’m not skinny now?

[Asker]

If he wanted me to be skinnier right now I would do it. I told him I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me skinny now. So he knows I’m willing to be skinny now.

[Asker]

Ok so I found out he’s just being nice according to Avicenna so I’m gonna lose weight now and not wait until we get married. I want him to be happy with me now!!

[In_Trance]

Because you're not communicating well

[Asker]

How not? I asked him and told him basically that I don’t get why he doesn’t mind if I’m not skinny right now versus once we get married. He said what I posted in the Op.

[Asker]

Ok I may have Asperger’s so I take things literally. I guess he was just being nice and said it’s ok if I’m fat right now but now that I learned he’s just being nice, I’m going to lose the weight now for him. I want him to be pleased.