Me and my fiance got in a big disagreement that led us to call off our engagement. I didn’t visit for his birthday. We exchanged some nasty messages he told me he is done and he will never love me. I should move on. That he can never be the man for me/ the man I knew. Yesterday we still exchanged some back and forth. But then we got on the phone and o apologized for my own shortcomings, he acknowledged that he could have handled things differently which was shocking. We talked for a bit he wasn’t yelling has his usual self but from time to time he will throw in comments like do it for your next relationship. “It’s too late” He then hung up and said we will talk later. I followed up with a message twice. He ignored me and hasn’t read it. Should I send another follow up to see if he wants to finish the conversation? Just leave it alone? And try to heal even if it hurts deeply? M
Is the communication a sign of hope?
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Opinion
1Opinion
Yep. Broken. Move on. Don't go back, because once it reaches this level of animosity, you could have all the good intentions in the world of going back and "starting fresh," but you're both going to have a stone wall built around your hearts and insecurity. Just best to start fresh with someone new.
You don’t even think intentionality and therapy could help?
You are young. Beating this dead horse is going to waste your time and you'll end up divorced. This is a nasty split, and you can't take it back, even if you have good intentions. Relationships can withstand a few scrapes and bandaids, but when it requires a surgical team to stitch back together... every time one or the other catches sight of that scar, you're just going to be reminded of it and feel insecure, resentful, or guilty.
You're also old enough that someone new is going to have gotten all the little-kid drama bullshit out of the way and accept you, scars and all. They should also be established in their career/personal life enough that they are feeling more confident, and more long-term relationship/family focused. And because all the jerks have snatched up most of the female population, those scars are going to seem like a small sacrifice—another man's treasure.
Obviously, this is all speculation and drawing from my own experiences, but I don't know of anybody who would/has come out of the situation you're describing better off by staying.
It hurts, it sucks, it's heart-breaking, you feel like you've wasted years of your life and your energy and your heart on someone undeserving, missed opportunities, etc., but hindsight is 20/20. Look forward to new adventures and have faith that there are plenty more nice, single, unbroken guys to go around at that age than available women (of any kind) who doesn't have 20 kids and a divorce or five under her belt.
I think that's always a good sign, but not in this instance.