My boyfriend suddenly stopped wanting to have sex with me?

[Anonymous]

I’m dating a really great guy for 5 years now and we are great at communication really know each other well. But for the last 6 months he hasn’t wanted to have sex at all. we used to do it once a day. I asked him why he doesn’t want sex from me anymore and he said he was extremely stressed with work. Should I not ask for sex anymore? Keep trying to talk to him or just leave it? I even bought lingerie and sex card games but he has no interest still. and will keep rejecting me like he has for last 6 months what should I do?

[MrOracle]

While I can totally understand why you would take that personally, if his reason is plausible (meaning: if his work IS especially stressful right now), then he's almost certainly telling you the truth and it's absolutely true that lots of stress, for whatever reason, is a big libido-killer in men. The good news is that it's usually only a temporary problem - meaning, usually, whatever is causing stress gets resolved, and everyone's stress level drops, and then things to back to normal in the bedroom.

I don't know what he does for work, but a lot of companies are cutting jobs right now and it wouldn't be a surprise if he's got some performance goals he's got to meet if he wants to keep his job - there is a LOT of that going around right now.

in my opinion, you need to sit down with him and ask him about what's going on at work to pile so much stress onto him. And while there may not be a lot you can do about that stress, you might be able to lower his stress some while he's at home, which will make the work stress easier to bear.

If I was the guy in that situation, I'd explain to my girlfriend why I was so stressed, and maybe I'd ask her to just sit with me or cuddle with me without any other agenda, and that would help me bleed away some of that stress. Not all guys work that way, but who knows? It might help him too.

I know this isn't completely "fair" to you, but we all have to make some sacrifices in relationships. There may be a time where you have something going on where you just aren't up for sex - a medical issue or whatever - and he'll have to understand that and deal with it. But if you can help him lower his stress level, which might not take much to do, you might well see things improve a lot. He also may be dealing with a toxic workplace (some of the gaming companies have been in the news over the last couple of years, and also some of the web news companies, for their toxic work environments), and he may have to change jobs to get away from that stress, because it isn't healthy.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah that's rough. From a guy's perspective, when we lose interest in sex it can definitely be stress related sometimes. Work stress is a huge boner killer no doubt. Or he could be going through some personal stuff he's not telling you about either.

I'd say keep communicating with him forsure. Maybe plan a chill date night where you guys just relax, watch a movie or something with no pressure for anything else. Bring it up casually that you've noticed he seems off lately and you're here for him no matter what. Make sure he knows that.

If after that he's still not opening up, you may need to have a serious talk. Be understanding but also firm that the relationship needs intimacy to stay healthy. Maybe try spending quality time together doing fun activities you both enjoy, get those feel-good chemicals flowing again.

As a last resort, don't be afraid to suggest counseling. A third party might help him open up without feeling attacked. But it does kinda seem like something deeper is going on with him. Don't give up on the communication, you guys will get through this!

[RespectfulGuy]

Work stress do lower libido. But work stress is NOT a continuous non-stop process.

This means, within a month, there are "enough days" for him to be driven by hormones.

Hence in my opinion, there are more factors than spoken.

Eg. Porn / Masturbation addiction, side chick (not necessary girlfriend), guilt, religious influence, seeking / curious about LGBT lifestyle, secret / medical drug use, true medical (physical) condition.

Yes, communicate and be specific. Don't accuse, yet, but sincerely ask him to express because your happiness is involved too.

Perhaps he's seeking more than sex. He may want security (job, financial, family), or he may wants more foreplay (outside the bedroom, from you). Ask him.

As long as he's not a cheater, I think you can find a way to restore sex, as a couple because you're both very young.

[TheGuyWhoKnowsStuff]

Here are some possibilities:
1. He's suffering from ED possibly from andropause or steroid abuse
2. He has a porn addiction and is wanking his desire for sex away
3. He's sleeping with at least one other person
4. He's just bored with you and the sex he can have with you
5. He doesn't find you attractive anymore
6. He's suffering from anxiety or depression
7. He's saving himself for when someone better comes along
8. He got another girl pregnant and he doesn't want to risk getting you pregnant
9. He contracted and STI like genital herpes and treatment is taking a very long time
10. He caught HIV and doesn't know how to tell you
11. He is gay but isn't ready to come out to you
12. He's extremely stressed with work because his boss is making him service her daily and he doesn't want to but he wants to keep his job and get ahead in the company

[Avicenna]

Still try, but pick your spots. Sounds like there is some underlying problem that has nothing to do with you or your relationship.

[Asker]

I think it really could be a lack of exercise and healthy eating

[Asker]

I think it really could be a lack of exercise and healthy eating and he becomes depressed

[Sparkie460]

You can keep trying. Did sex gradually decline or just come to a screeching halt? Has anything changed about him, going to work early, or coming home late?

[Asker]

I’d say a screeching halt

[Asker]

I want to trust him and think he’s not up to something he says he’s stressed and has a cold is his excuse or the answer is maybe next time

[Asker]

Except before he would sleep with me when he had Covid

[Sparkie460]

Colds don't really last 6 months. If he's stressed, he should talk about it. Maybe you could ease the tension. I know sex used to make me feel better when I was under pressure.

[Asker]

he blames family stress but I thinks it’s because I cheated few years ago which he says he’s over. But after the cheating he forgave me slept with me tons. Do you think he’s getting revenge?

[Sparkie460]

I can't say for sure but he could be. He could also be testing you to see if you'll go back to cheating

[Sparkie460]

If he's such a great guy, why would you cheat on him if you don't mind me asking?

[Asker]

That’s true I really think he could be testing me I don’t think he would have enough time to go cheat

[Asker]

We had issues because of are different cultural backgrounds different social expectations and both bad communication skills

[Asker]

I really can’t understand men most of the time so I found this app

[Asker]

he ditched me tomorrow night because he had a unexpected friend from out of town

[Asker]

And he cry’s if I ask if he’s cheating so I haven’t asked him

[Sparkie460]

You both really really need to fix the communication issues. A good relationship is relying on good communication.

[Asker]

Exactly I wanna ask if he’s cheating but he will cry and talk about when I cheated

[Asker]

And said he never would do that to me put me through that pain

[Sparkie460]

This site does help you understand both sexes. I've been on here for a few years and I enjoy the site

[Asker]

Yes would you say make him cry and ask if he’s cheating? Or leave it be

[Asker]

and break into his phone?

[Sparkie460]

He cries if you ask about cheating? How old is he?

[Asker]

he’s 25

[Asker]

I am 21

[Sparkie460]

Don't ask about cheating, but look for signs of it.

[Sparkie460]

Do you live together

[Asker]

sorta most of the week

[Sparkie460]

And what about when he's not with you? Where does he sleep?

[Anonymous]

He's getting laid from another girl, or possibly depressed.

[Anonymous]

You need to spice it up... he is probably bored now

[FunkyMonkee]

I'm available for dating and mating.

[Danny_dan92]

The relationship is done

[RebelisAlwaysHere]

you may be ugly