Is what I am doing right?

[Anonymous]

There's a guy who was my university mate who had a crush on me. I considered him as my friend only but he used to flirt deeply with me, maintain lot of eye contact due to which I used to feel very uncomfortable. Slowly as time passed by I started considering him as my friend. After a while we were busy with our careers so I ghosted him for 4 years. He got married to another girl in the meantime since he was hopeless as I was ghosting him. I was happy for his marriage I don't regret a single bit because I was simply considering him as my friend only. After 4 years of ghosting, I talked with him again regarding something and he asked me to stay in contact with him for which I agreed. I still see him as a friend but he stalks my social media, talks to me a lot and gives me priority than anyone else that even if I need something he will put my necessity before his any work and offers me a helping hand. I feel embarassing because as a married man, I feel he should prioritise his wife and not me. I am not sure if still considering him as my friend is right or not. What's your opinion about this? Should I stay as his friend or leave slowly or harshly?

[Oliverlogan263]

It's a tricky situation for sure. As a married man, he shouldn't be prioritizing you over his wife. That's disrespectful to her and their marriage.

At the same time, cutting him off completely could also make things messy. Here's what I think you should do:

- Set clear boundaries. Let him know you only see him as a friend and want to keep a respectful distance since he's married now.

- Limit contact. Don't respond right away to calls/texts. Keep conversations brief and about casual topics only.

- No one-on-one hanging out. Make sure any interactions involve other friends too so it doesn't look suspicious.

- Be polite but disengage from excessive attention. Don't engage much if he's stalking your social media or trying too hard to please you.

- Consider his wife's feelings too in all this. She doesn't deserve to be disrespected.

If he can't respect reasonable boundaries, then you may need to slowly distance yourself more fully. But for now a boundary setting chat could help make things cooler and more appropriate between you. Just be firm but nice about it!

[teamvic]

Hmmm it definitely sounds like he still likes you. Especially csuse he wanted to keep being your friend. I mean look at it from another point of view. How would you feel if you found out your husband wanted to keep talking to a girl thst he use to like a lot even if he's married to you. I bet she don't know about you either🤔

Just because people are married doesn't mean people automatic stop feeling things. Now if you're married you'd ASSUME you only want to be with that one person but hey. Why do you think divorce rates are so high. So I do recommend either just ghosting him again slowly or tell him that you don't think it's right to be friends with him while he's married and it feels weird. Now presumably hrs gonna trying to convince you how it's just s friendship. But just listen to what he has to say but still intend to ghost him afterwards. If that's what you want to do anyway. Because I bet he'd cheat on his girl with you if you wanted to

[Asker]

I don't wanna give him an opportunity to cheat on his wife

[HappyWoman34]

I’d cut him off. He’s married. Whether or not you’re into him that way, he’s into you.

[Asker]

I'm not into him. I was simply being a good girl who is friends with everyone

[HappyWoman34]

Yeah, I can understand where you’re coming from. I used to get tricked by guys and sometimes still do.

[spartan55]

No guy wants to be your friend.