My boyfriend asked for space after receiving bad news, then stopped replying to messages. how do we start talking again?

[Angelface2290]

We were due to go out for dinner in the evening, he had an important meeting at work to ask for a pay rise during the day. He seemed off, somewhat grumpy when I asked where we were going as it was getting late. I then received "Give me some space. Forget this evening". When I asked why, I received another give me some space message, then he shut down. I heard from him a week later & now nothing, he's stopped replying to messages; it's been weeks now. He's been stressed at work & his dad died three months ago which has made communication more difficult; he's not good at communicating when we are apart but is fantastic face to face. I don't think he got the pay rise, was disappointed with the outcome & then couldn't express how he felt.

Updates

+1 y

Correction: his dad died 4 months ago!

[_Maya_]

So I'm guessing he's around your age or mid thirties. While I get that people have bad days he could have just asked for space without the attitude. At least that's how I perceive it by what you write. That said do give him the space and wait for him to deal with whatever is bothering him. If it is about the loss of his dad that's a big deal and it doesn't matter if it's four months or a year. Have you lost a parent? That's rough. I haven't but do have a friend that has. She and her mom were super close. It took her a really long time to process those feelings and she just wasn't herself. Everyone deals with that in different ways. Just let him know you're there if he needs you and then leave the ball in his court.

[Angelface2290]

I felt like asking for space was being used to not communicate how he felt about not getting the pay rise. His dad dying was to show the context of something else maybe being on his mind but when I asked how I could support him weeks early he said he was over it!

[spartan55]

Wow, you don't seem to understand what 'give some space' means.

[Angelface2290]

Actually no I don't know about space as I've never been asked for space before, so did not realised we were supposed to have a conversation about it beforehand & also when it would end. If there were clear boundaries around when we should be in contact again there would not be a problem.

[spartan55]

How long has it been since he messaged? How long since you've seen each other?

[Angelface2290]

It's coming upto 5 weeks since he last messaged & 6 weeks since I last saw him.

[Angelface2290]

Luckily for you you're not in a relationship with him or you would know he needs time...

[spartan55]

I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but six weeks is beyond 'giving someone time'

[Pterodon]

Give him space. Don’t call or text or try to see him

[Billlewis]

Wait a while before you message him again.

[boggboss]

So wait for him to reach out to you no